Vector calculus

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Vector calculus is a variety of fish soup that is widely known for its salty aftertaste. It was first served at Gonorrhea College, Cambridge, in 1901BC, but quickly spread across the civilised world, to as far as Lemington Spa and Iran. It was originally invented to satisfy some long-standing questions in soup dynamics, including:

  • Why does soup spin the other way in the Southern Hemisphere?
  • How best should a lady stir her soup?
  • What is the sound of one soup clapping?

It is served in three flavours, although only a true master of the form would give a shit about the difference between them.


All Soups Require 25 Skill Points in Alchemy and a Positive Number of Skill Points in Intelligence!!


Grad is the simplest flavour to prepare, and is often denoted by an inverted circle. To prepare grad, simply take a regular scaler soup, prepared from mountaineers, gnus etc, and consider its significance within a variety of different oral traditions, including Ancient Greek, Christian and Tae Kwon Do. The soup will rapidly become elevated to the level of grad, wherein one can consume it or take a dot product, as required. Grad should always be prepared in a well-ventilated area, and care should be taken to keep hot objects away from infants.


“Gauss' Law is a specific consequence of the divergence theorem and has numerous applications in electrostatics today”

~ Carl F.Off Gauss on on his famous law

“It's my law and order now biatch.”

~ James Cocky Maxwell on renaming Gauss' Theorem into one of his four equations

Div requires more complex ingredients than grad; one must obtain a carefully prepared "multidimensional" soup. Warning! Multidimensional soup cannot be constrained by societal norms! The soup must be purchased from a registered dealer of vector soup; construction of such a soup yourself is dangerous and may result in death and/or soreness of the feet. Chop the soup finely so that no piece is wider than Δx; then delicately mix the pieces back together, adding a clotting agent such as gum Arabic or vomit. Serve hot. Feeds five.

Many young people of today, in both Western and Spaghetti cultures, feel that the name "div" is insulting to those delicate personages known as, well, divs. This displays ignorance of the origin of the word, which is taken from the Sanskrit term "divut" meaning roughly "erotic lumbago". Thus the word carries no negative connotations whatsoever, and can happily be used in a dinnertime conversation with Granma.

A rather distinguished professor once told this story about how to remember Div: Think of yourself, an immature, antisocial, and overweight kid juggling his (girls aren't such big losers as to waste their time here) day between bouts of manga, HALO, WoW, and porn sites. Now one day you get this invitation to this fabulous party filled with all those hot sorority chicks who can't wait to get this party started. There are two ways that this party can end:

1. Positive div; babies pop out of the party. Giggity.

2. Negative div; reality has dealt another blow to your already emasculated life--the party wasn't supposed to be for losers like you, but rather for sick babies with cancer. Babies go into the party.


Curl is by far the most difficult soup to prepare, as it is involves the crossing of two exquisitely structured soups into a single whole. The recipe is not reproduced here, in the interests of public safety - see also weapons of mass destruction. Eminantly talented rapper Twista is believed to consult curl before making any serious decisions, and numerous dances (under such names as "twist" and "the funky chicken") have derived from this soup. It was reported in the Jerusalem Herald (Issue 519, pp44-46 and appendices) that King Herod himself was possessed by the spirit of the curl during that whole "kill the infants" thing, which is both not particularly interesting and also false.

NB: If you add the -ing operator to the end of curl, you have quidditch on ice.

Beyond vector calculus[edit]

Chefs who find vector calculus insufficiently challenging might also enjoy The Bible, a short work of humourous anecdotes by renowned Palestinian comedienne, Jesus H. Christ.