As a term 'village idiot' dates back to 4500 B.C. and comes from the Greek term venereae (venereal/diseased) idiom (idea/thought). For centuries unfortunate individuals of sub-par intellect were forced to fulfil the role of village idiot for the amusement and gratification of others, including Noam Chomsky and Doris Roberts.
However, with the Industrial Revolution and the rapid growth in population that it triggered, the role took on much greater importance. The urbanization of people saw the 'village' become a term used for all manner of large bodies (towns, cities, countries, planets, galaxies, Oprah Winfrey, etc.). Thus the role of village idiot required a much lower level of stupidity for true success to be found, meaning that only the dregs of the dregs could sink to the bottom.
More recently, George W. Bush formed the 'Department of Homeland Stupidity', a federal government agency responsible for overseeing idiocy on all levels. This agency has been hugely successful in pumping out stupid words and deeds in America - the international center of idiocy.
If you were in a village and the whole village was idiots and you visited them, you would be the village idiot. How does one know this? Why it's a simple law of physics.
Duties of the village idiot
The duties involved in this prestigious post are broad and deep. They include:
- Falling off walls
- Spontaneously breaking into Barbara Streisand songs
- Getting totally inebriated
- Peeping on naked 'villagers' without fear of recriminations (because of the 'special' status attributed to village idiots)
- Knocking on doors and then pretending to be invisible
- Changing the terrorism alert colour chart on behalf of the 'Department of Homeland Stupidity' (Also known as government)
- Hijacking a passenger plane with a spoon
- Contributing nonsense such as this to Uncyclopedia
- Inventing practical items with no real use (solar powered flashlight, the fish drowner, etc.)
- Becoming president of the United States of America
- Buying a Wii instead of an Xbox 360
- Buying a Wii instead of a PS3
- Buying a Wii instead of frozen dog shit
- Playing World of Warcraft instead of Runescape
- Endlessly talking about Star Trek
King of the village idiots
The hierarchy of the village idiots is strict and venerated by all member idiots. The worldwide leader of village idiots is the King. However, in this case it is not "good to be the king": upon meeting the king all underlings are required to wrestle him to the ground and fart into his open, slack-jawed mouth.
One of the most impressive village idiots known to man is, in fact, Matt. We pity him, honestly.
George Dubya Bush currently holds the title of 'King of the Village Idiots'. He is additionally the official village idiot of most places in America, with a few exceptions:
- Texas - where his wife Jenna Bush holds the responsibility between interventions;
- Iraq - which seems to be overflowing with neoconservatives starved for the job.
- Massachusetts - where Mitt Romney and Ted Kennedy trade off on the job, as well as jerking each other off on Mormon and Catholic holidays.