|Fire Danger: CATASTROPHIC (delete)
"I would like to go to the Virgin Airlines. This is the front interior of this plane. Can you take me to the U.S. state of the Commonwealth of Virginia?"
A Virgin is an inhabitant of the American state of Virginia. Virgins are noted for their refreshing innocence, youthful demeanour, and ripe cherries, the latter often considered among the finest in the world. Most Virgins leave the state and emigrate south between the ages of 18 and 24. Around this exploratory phase of life, it is common for them to take on many exotic occupations and positions. Due to the simplicity of life in Virginia, a common exclamation is "it's so big!" in reference to things which aren't really.
Virgin culture is marked by an unusual lack of maturity. Many Virgins find pleasure in children's activities such as collecting action figures, obsessing over TV shows, playing dress-up, editing wikis, and living in their parents' basements; in fact, there are few other forms of entertainment in Virginia.
When leaving the state of Virginia for the first time all inhabitants must perform a ceremony in which they pierce a hole in a drum, red ribbons pour out and the drum cries gently. Former occupants wishing to re-enter Virginia can do so following a complex surgical procedure.
Myth or Fact?
- It has been posited that Virgins are mythical creatures like ghouls, goblins and eskimos. However, this is not true. Goblins are totally real. If you need proof just ask the people who have had their planes tampered with during the War. Oh wait that's gremlins... never mind.
- Do female virgins still exist? They do, though most can be found between the ages of 0 and 2 months, with older specimens in rare cases.
The word Virgin, usually used to refer to a nun or the way a lying slut refers to herself, originally comes from Virgin Coke. This is a miracle drug discovered at the dawn of time, and is said to make a young girl pure. But that's just speculation.
This theory has in later years been heavily discussed by all the leading thinkers of the world, among them Oscar Wilde who is quoted as saying, "I don't believe anything could ever make a girl pure, let alone a drink."
For some bizarre reason, the word has also been used since the dawn of time as a state in which a girl is before she is corrupted by her male-kin. This however is nonsense as we all know a girl is never really wholesome, unless kept in total isolation for her entire life and her brain removed.