Virgin sacrifice

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Originating in Central America, Virgin Sacrifice is an ancient dish commonly served with scalloped potatoes and topped with sage and occasionally rosemary. Other locales offer lemon-baked virgin, Virgin a-là King, and even Fettucini AlGoro. In modern times it has seen a resurgence of popularity, particularly among PBS pledge drive volunteers and Freemasons.


Virgin sacrifices first gained popularity following the rise of Australia's third regime, led by the wise Mister Rogers. Rogers first got into virgin sacrifices when he was introduced to them by Kevin Federline who had been Roger's dormmate in college at Spankin U. The two were exploring their sexuality for the fifteenth week in a row, when Federline fell backwards through their third-story window, and landed on the dorm prude. Federline's metal dildo pierced her skull, killing her instantly. The situation appealled to Rogers, who said "I feel like a void has been filled in me, and it doesn't rip holes in my colon either!"

Rogers started plans to make virgin sacrifices more acceptable. He currently owns and operates Virgin Mobile, a company that specializes in raising and delivering virgins nationwide.

However, there has always been some criticism over Rogers' Original Recipe. Some argue that any piercing, skull or otherwise, automagically renders a virgin nonviable, producing instead a dull, less-flavored dish. It is therefore theorized that a virgin with an intact skull may in fact have a heartier taste and more pleasant aroma, though experiments have yet to confirm this.

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