Visiting the dentist

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a grill.

Dentistry is an ancient art first discovered by Mesopotamian 'hunter-gatherers' who turned their hunter gathering culture 'inward' (much like most contemporary art movements) and started hunting and gathering pieces of themselves and/or close The first dental clinic is believed to have operated out of the backyard of what is now known as 'Ancient long forgotten Babylon' situated near the archaeological site of the first Chemists who were a nefarious group of concoction dealers (ancestors to current day Columbian drug lords).

Dentistry although initially an artistic expression of ‘gathering’ or ‘hunting’ of the bounty of the mouth, encountered a great deal of public resistance when it officially established itself as a religion. Many branches of ‘The Dentistry movement of the lightened mouth’ cropped up mid 3000 b.c, but the primitive, cave dwelling Neanderthals of the time were greatly offended and rode upon massive dinosaurs to the steps of the Dentists and killed those practicing the ancient oral-hygiene arts. This was the beginning of an age-old blood-feud between dentists and their sworn enemies the Cavemen – ancestors of the ‘Police’ and ‘Firefighters’. Notably, Modern day dentists would rather let their houses burn down or a burglar escape with everything than ask for help from a ‘Police’ or a ‘Firefighter’.

Ancient Mayan Dentistry - Saying AHH is derived from screaming for help.

Subsequent to the feud; many bones have been found on dentistry sacrificial mounds, as well as Aztec and Mayan (South American words for Dentist and Oral-Hygienist) burial pits and wall paintings showing numerous dental appointments gone heinously awry, the Mayans, Aztecs and lesser known Incas (Literally translated as TOOTH TAKERS) were often blundering their dental practices resulting in the patients death, due to the primitive conditions under which the appointments were conducted, I.E operating atop ziggurats and pyramid like structures with hundred of people watching and being a distraction, as well as terrible lighting conditions which lead to star-gazing and elaborate systems of tracking the best nights on which to operate when the lighting would be best. The Dental operations can be seen etched on walls with ‘whole heads’ being accidentally severed during a simple clean and brush… often followed by entrail extraction for no apparent reason. This being said, Dentists at this archaic time were the lowest caste of society and often slandered and used as political leverage, for example, A Mayan politician might say “Make me leader… look at the dentists… this is bad… I’ll fix things” or even “I’ll sort those bastards out”, but unfortunately none of these oppressive measures could stop the age of dentistry becoming a world wide religion in the early 1900’s when what the Mayans then called “the age of the Jaguar” (initially referred to as the coming age of the Porche but changed because Dentists seemed to prefer Jags) came to pass.

Legal disputes[edit]

In the early modern history of the Dentists; Dentistry was audited for it’s few hundred thousand international branches AKA temples and was found to not be operating as a non-profit organization, hence a bitter legal dispute with the Archaic tribe of ‘Lawyers’ descendant of the huns and khans, the end of the legal battle resulted in the Dentists re-established themselves as a for-profit organization and changed the official title of ‘tooth temples’ to ‘Clinics’.


Dental care is YOUR decision, as this girl bravely decides to NOT receive braces

Dentistry made it’s mark on other-wise pretty girls and confident boys with the advent of braces and the self-esteem destroying ‘face-brace neck unit – thing’s wrapped around the kids head’ device.

With a street value rivaling the drug industry, many pimps and drug dealers have adopted the self-deformation as a status symbol and aptly named them ‘grills’ as would be seen on a ‘Jag’.

In poorer communities walking in the streets at night could result in you getting ‘jacked for your tracks’ only to find the waiter at a fastfood restaurant wearing your ‘grill’ the next day.

Dental Culture[edit]

Although drastically modernized, uttering Mayan phrases or Incan taunts will often send a dentist into a frenzy. Modern day dentists can often be found dancing together under a full moon in the surrounding forests or the next best thing, a local car park after hours.

Dentists practice polygamy and may pronounce themselves divorced or married at will, many women have walked past a dentist only to get home and find the dentist living there because they were married when their paths intersected. Dentists don’t have children they have ‘Pre-Molars’, then ‘Canine Year olds’ adolescent dentist progeny is called ‘sweet teeth’ and finally they mature to ‘wisdom teeth’. Dentists are forbidden to marry police, firefighters, Mayan politicians or kickboxing Australians (for unknown reasons).

Dentists can party hard.

Etiquette when visiting a dentist[edit]

  • Never speak Mayan. At any Cost.
  • It is considered impolite to fart in the chair (unless you are able to repeat the act periodically as most dentists are obsessive compulsive and a singular act is considered ‘incomplete’ or ‘abrupt’).
  • Eating pilchards, goats milk cheese, pickles, garlic and burping and/or regurgitating your meal during Dental ‘care’ is considered complementary to the Dentist as it is the staple diet of most dentist (you may need to tell the dentist NOT to eat any regurgitated foodstuffs like a Aztec hawk feeding from it’s mother).
  • Take off your shoes before being seated on the Dentists Chair.
  • Do not divulge personal details.
  • Remember to smile when the operation is over.suck my dick

See also[edit]

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