Vocaloid

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Miku and haku.png

This artical was writen by a Vocaloid fan and a Vocaloid hater. Please ignore the wars and economic embargoes going on between the two writers.


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“Green is the enemy, ok?”

~ Chanslor Kagamine and her secretary of war General Akita on the Green War.

“I am not a shota”

~ Kagamine Len

“Oh, yes you are”

~ Kagamine Rin

“YUO DARE FCUK WITH MAH KAGAMINE RIN FANFIC >:( MY FANTARDS GO FLAME THIS DEADLY CREATURE OF DOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!! >:D U PWNT LOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL”

~ Kagamine fangirl on Constructive Criticism
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Vocaloid.

VOCALOID is a computer software developed by Dr. Gero as part of his perfect lifeform project. It utilizes singing robot technology and android hentai to make Yamaha's vision of world domination a reality. Yamaha, after stealing the patents of the C.G. Conn Company, decided that they needed a means of controlling the minds of both the professional musician and the perverted adolescent teenager, and VOCALOID was just that.

History[edit]

LaSqualo

VOCALOID was developed in the slums of Spain by overworked computer science majors held at gunpoint by YAMAHA officials. Despite popular belief the first vocaloid did not sing in japanese. Rather, the first VOCALOID, known as "LaSqualo", sang in Esperanto. You can still purchase LaSqualo if you know where to look!

List of Vocaloids[edit]

MEIKO[edit]

This was the first Vocaloid who said japanese. Unfortunately, her seat has been overthrown by Miku and Kagamine fanturds due to the latter two's attractiveness which often makes people mistake that they are the first vocaloids for those who are not knowing much about vocaloid.. So She was often forgotten and thrown in one side due to the fact that she is 24 years old while Miku is 15 and the Kagamines are 10. In fact she was built by GLaDOS for a mind-controlling experiment against a 15 year old boy(He died due to erection overload.), making her the only vocaloid made by GLaDOS. She has a fanbase of 4000 men.

Hatsune Miku[edit]

Hatsune Miku fighting off American soldiers in World War II.

Miku's origin can be traced back to World War II, when Japan was so poor due to all the Hetalia T-shirts German officers were ordering them to produce for free. The Japanese created a fuel efficient super soldier that could wipe out the insolent Americans as well as regain the territory that they burrowed from china.  Miku was unfortunatly kidnapped in battle by American soldiers. It was not untill 1961 during the Cold War that Miku became popular again when GLaDOS bought her back to life in order to control the minds of mankind. Miku then became the first computerized piece of green hair to be in space. She floated in space in an inactive state until 2007, when Japanese scientists and American Weeaboos retrieved her from space sent her down to Japan. The splash landing was so intense that it created the website Nico Nico Dauga from the foam. Hatsune Miku does not exist, but that doesn't stop the wapanese empire from plotting a way to marry her so she can make them onions all day long. Miku is a known molester of chinese men.

Kagamine Rin and Len[edit]

Kagamine Rin

Kagamine Rin is the reborn body of Queen "Bloody" Mary of England. The FBI as identified her as the number one producer of CP on /a/. Her musical career started in 1994 when Kim Jong-il took power of North Korea and Japan was struggling to keep their plot of world domination  in full swing. Japan usage of Rin was very efficient at keeping the Koreans at bay untill she declared war on all piles of green hair. The Green War resulted in the absolute violation of the Green Kingdom and the slight increase in the price of petroleum. After the war, Rin was caught off guard as Kazuki Takahashi played the trap card depolymerisation and created Kagamine Len in the process. Kagamine Len went on to govern his army of Nazi fangirls that built their culture on incestual fan art and illegal sexual practices. Although Rin's fandom pairing are restricted only to incest, Len's pairing can range from incest to women twice his age to Other Fetishes made by dedicated fetishists. Kagamine Len's stance on the Green War was to maintain as much neutrality as possible and have sex with as much computer software as possible. It is assumed that Len is a shota, thus giving him the ability to rule over all the fangirls in the universe because the fangirls are pedophiles, and Kagamine rin and len's attractiveness to pedophile nazi fangirls is so intense that it gives him control over them. This power becomes intensified when one enters DeviantART. At that point Len as full militant rule over all fan girls in the region. Pedobear had once commented Kagamine Len as: "Giving him a boner despite i liked lolis more." This just shows their overall attractiveness even to men.
If you click the play button of this and hear more than 6 seconds, you will be brainwashed to kill anybody with green hair and have an urge to write kagamine shota fanfics. You will also lose all your virginity. Also, if you enjoyed this, you are officaly a basement Weeaboo and you will die alone.

Megurine Luka[edit]

Often identified as Miku's lesbian lover, Megurine Luka is producer of 32.33% (repeating of course) of all the tentacle porn in Japan. Vocaloid fans were distraught to find out that Luka was dressed like a normal human being and not a homosexual sailor from space. Luka is often bashed about her being the only kryptonian Vocaloid that wasn't an under-aged lolita, and therefore does not have a voice only audible to dolphins like that of Miku and Rin. Luka's pairings include aquatic life; hentai consumer and Soul Reaper; and Hatsune Miku.

Oliver about to sing a joyful melody

Oliver[edit]

Oliver is a 12 year old MI6 agent that for interests of national security cannot disclose the name of his voice actor. For the majority of his life. Oliver was stationed in the U.S. and waiting for world war three to break out at any moment. This all stopped when Oliver was transferred to Japan to spy on cryton Future Media's nuclear program. Oliver is also seen as a shota by the same nazi fan girl army that declared Len a shota. Oliver's battle wounds were all caused communist military leader Fidel Castro pushing the shota down a flight of stairs on allegations that he was an American.

Piko de Gallo[edit]

Piko de Gallo, also known as Utatane Piko by the Vocaloid fandom. He is NOT to be mistaken with the other Piko, star of the unspeakable anime, Boku no Piko. Piko claims to be a male Vocaloid. However, the Nazi Fangirl Republic's officiall position of Piko is that he is an Asexual life form that can only perform two tasks: singing and being a shota. Piko has a USB penis tail that when plugged in to a computer will fire nuclear bombs at China and post Shota rape fanfictions on every government site.

List of UTAUloids[edit]

Teto Kasane[edit]

Teto Kasane is the most popular of the UTAUs. Consequentially, she is often mistaken for a Vocaloid very often. She was origenally created to be an April Fools joke on the Vocaloid fandom. Teto's official age is 31, however, this sparked much controversy among the fans as she was not a lolita. To solve this problem, Teto was injected with Pikachu DNA and therefore could alternate between 15 and 31 years of age. As a result, she is a chimera pikachu hybrid now.

Tei Sukone[edit]

Tei Sukone was created as part of a political movement to satisfy the need of a yondere UTAUloid. Tei is the biggest Kagamine Len fangirl in all of history. Tei was incarcerated shortly after her creation for kidnapping Kagamine Len and sodomizing him with a cucumber. She was then bailed out by her fellow Kagamine Len fangirls of DeviantArt and went on to continue to write detailed Yaoi fanfics about Len. Over the years, Tei has developed a deep hatred for for Hatsune Miku and Joined the allied forces in the Green War to erase Miku from existence.

Ritsu Namine[edit]

Ritsu namine is a six year old cross dresser who bullies people with purple nurple, he also has tit-missles and turns in to a blue turtle with a squirrel tail, and is somehow the normal one one. And 25 tons. he is also the one who helped tei kidnap len with his magical rainbow tutu, but its okay because he's normal!!!! the reason people like him is because he can be paired with anyone and it would be weird because he looks like a girl and he is a boy, or is he? fangirls use his crossdressing to make fanart of him that is too moe to function.

List of Fannaloids[edit]

Akita Neru Atending a 4Chan raid

Akita Neru[edit]

Akita Neru translates to Tired Going to Sleep, the common catch frase for Japanese trolls on 2Chan. Neru originated as the persona to describe all Japanese 12 year olds on the internet, but she later evolved to become the 17 year old 4Chan lurker whose cell phone bill far exceeds the U.S. national debt ten fold. Akita Neru and Tei Sukone are responsible for 99% of all Kagamine Len yaoi and twincest fanfics on the internet. In the past 2 years, Akita Neru has been a great supporter of the allied forces in the Green War as her political interest in continuing her biusness of yaoi and twincest fanfics caused her to develop a deep hatred for Hatsune Miku.

Haku Yowane[edit]

Akita Neru's best friend and a drunkard, as only a drunkard would be friends with Neru. Haku Yowane was initially rejected by the Vocaloid fandom a she had a normal voice instead of a voice that resembles a singing Dolphin. Haku Yowane is responsable for half of the worlds alcohol, the other half being consumed by Meiko Sakaine.


Fanbase[edit]

two vocaloid fantards doing their thing.

Vocaloid's fanbase is mostly consisted of weeaboo basement dwellers which praise all stuff Japan. Yes, the ones which will praise the nanjing massacare. They tend to cosplay as hatsune miku or kagamine rin/len and use tons of unessecary emoticons when talking, namely >:3, \(^o^)/, and others which are impossible to type without an insane mind. The fanbase is also split into possibly 10+ parts, and all these parts are consisted of weeaboos which would flame and kill for their nonexistent masters, which are the nightmarish creatures listed above. As 1337 weeaboos, they tend to masturbate to vocaloid hentai. The average vocaloid fantard is 12-18 years old if female, and 17-50 years old when male. Their living place is most likely the depths of the furry weeaboo-ridden site DeviantART, Gaia Online, Danbooru and other anime forums. They also tend to hate chinese people, although they can be chinese. 

The vocaloid war[edit]

War on Vocaloid 
 MikuSpeech.jpg
Date 2008
Location the internet
Result Hatsune Miku was offered a basket of negi as a peace treaty from China. France was destroyed along with DeviantART.
Territorial
changes
Vocaloid Fans gets Deviant Art, Gaia Online, Danbooru and that weird part of YouTube. The Anti-Vocaloid Army secures Reddit and 4Chan threads.
Combatants
Vocaloid Fandom

Japan
DeviantART
Gaia Online
That Weird Part of You Tube

China

12 year-olds
Most of 4Chan
Most of DeviantART
The French

Commanders
Hatsune Miku

Kagamine Rin
Kasane Teto

A Anti-japanese chinese teen (at war since 1937)

A 12-year-old on Reddit
Moot
Tei Sukone (Joined after Kagamine Len refused to have sex with her.
)

Casualties
7,000 abondoned fanfictions
 0.4 of a Sub Reddit and a French TV Station

The vocaloid war is started in 2008 when A teenager which bravely fought for the diaoyu island Said the words:"We should despise all anime polluting china!". He must be kept anonymous in order to prevent the chinese government walling the entire internet. Soon in the next day, Hatsune miku received a message from the japanese government to attack the offenders. The "Offenders" includes A 12 year old which likes to draw offensive anti-japan propraganda and post it on reddit, the anti-japan teen, 6 french women which are concerned by Vocaloid "Polluting cartoons which are supposed for kids", 30, 000 12-year old kids which haven't been banned on deviantART because of Underage Artist, and 4 12 year-olds in 4Chan disguising as adults. The next day at 18:00pm, There was a highly addictive Vocaloid show broadcasted on TV for 3 hours which features the song "Fight For Japan". This song's Mind-controlling sequences had controlled all the world's weeaboo fantards to fight for the japanese government and Vocaloid. Then they attcked the 12 years old reddit with Miku hentai, and Kagamine shota rape. The 12-year old then sent a distress call and the chinese sent the anti-japanese teen to reddit using their 1337 firewall-breaking techniques. Seeing the 1337ness of the teen, they shifted their battlefield to the 6 french woman's blogs and posted guro there. 2 of the french woman were so offended that they deactivitated their blog, but the teen and the reddit 12-year old was sent there and they attacked using Japanese which translates to: "Japanese dogs! I command you to Leave them alone in the name of the land of the great dragon!" The teen's facebook was spammed with vocaloid Yaoi/Yuri fanfictions which are almost as long and boring as a towncruft uncyclopedia article. But mark zuckerberg, the furhrer of facebook, banned them all in 3 minutes.

After 3 days of Flamewars, The weeaboos retreated and Went to 4Chan. In there the vocaloid and japanese government-commanded weeaboos started calling the anonymous weeaboos in /b/. One of the fantards used an IP track to check out and found the 4 kids. They taunted them with miku hentai and called them to GTFO the net. The teen was unaware that 4Chan has been attacked But moot banned the 12 year old kids because they were n00bs. The 4chan empire, however, sends in the GNAA which hacked the vocaloid offical site by redirected it to last measure. What a stupid mistake that the weeaboos dids.

The fourth warzone was DeviantART. at that time deviantart was experiencing the great kidocaust, which had tons of underage artists banned pernamently. But 30000 of the remaining underage artists bravely fought the superman admins of DeviantART. at this time The weeaboos invaded and spammed the site with anti-chinese propaganda. The teen and the reddit 12-year old was sent there and they cooperated with the remaining 12-year olds to start the flamewar with the vocaloid weeaboos while the DeviantART 12-year old's parents fought the admins using email wanting DeviantART shut. the site crashed after 5 days because of server overload by all the fighters. the site, due to their parents legal threats, shuts down. The deviantART you saw today is actually opened by the remanant weeaboos of the war. 

After the last stage of the war, Japan and China had so many flamewars that a U.S. and U.K. intervention lead by 12-year-old MI6 Oliver agent forced both sides to back down and sign a peace treaty. Meanwhile. the war between France (the haters) and Deviantart (the fans) was still alive and well. The two contries were so passionate about their individual cause that they both blew up and created a hole in the internet known later named Myspace, ending the war in a stalemate. Hatsune Miku was then transported to the United Nations General Assembally where she resieved full abassy for her crimes agianst nature from all of the world exept from China and France, who were pissed off after the stalemate.

See also[edit]

This article is part of the Wonderful Japan series
Culture: Bushido | Engrish | Manga | Battle Royale | Cosplay | Domo-kun | Samurai | Japanese High Schools | Japan Self-Defense Forces | Ninja Gaijin | No Gaijin Allowed | Domo-kun | PlayStation Portable | Nintendo Eightfold Path | Wii | Mario | Pikachu | Death Note | Yaoi | Hello Kitty | Doraemon | Naruto | Vocaloid | Yu-Gi-Oh!

Companies: Toyota | Nintendo | Honda | Mazda | Mitsubishi | Konami | Sony


People: Chikan | Godzilla | Junichiro Koizumi | Shinzo Abe | Shigeru Miyamoto | Sadaharu Oh | Hikaru Utada | Oda Nobunaga | Toshiro Mifune | Toyotomi Hideyoshi


Places: Tokyo | Osaka | Hiroshima | Nagasaki | Fukoshima Nuclear Plant


Organizations: CLAMP


History: Prehistory | Kamakura/Minamoto Shogunate | Muromachi/Ashikaga Shogunate | Sengoku Period | Azuchi/Oda Shogunate (Incident at Honnō-ji) | Edo/Tokugawa Shogunate | Empire of Japan | 2011 Earthquake in the Land of the Rising Sun