Voltar

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Voltar, note the gayness

Voltar is an angry midget wearing a red jumpsuit plastered with a lightning bolt bumper sticker. He is the leader of The League Of Super Evil or L.O.S.E. for short. He is a guy diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome, but don't tell that to gay fanboys. He's died multiple times, each time being resurrected.

Early Life[edit]

Voltar is one of the many kids of Master Hand and a female spirit Rubii. At age 7, he was constantly abused by Master Hand's 33 sex partners (note, they weren't very nice and probably encouraged his path to villainy). So, at age 17, he went emo and left his father's shitass house in the sky and went to Earth, erasing any past memories he had of his father and his many moms.

Big Break[edit]

At first, Voltar was paired with the Teen Titans. For some reason, he had half the powers of his father and half the powers of his uncle Crazy Hand (remember, he's the destroyer of everything). He almost killed Cyborg, Robin, and Beast Boy, so he was thrown out a month later. Then, he tried fighting crime on his own. After many hospitalizations, he eventually turned to a life of crime. He figured he could not conquer the universe on his own. So he round up amateur villains (one exception being the Black Gladiator), and started the League of Super Evil (coincidentally, its acronym is L.O.S.E.).

Love Life[edit]

When he was in the Teen Titans, he was in love with Raven. This made Beast Boy jealous for he was also in love with Raven. While fighting over Raven with Beast Boy, he almost killed him. Then when he was kicked out of Teen Titans and while he was a solo fighter, he fell for Princess Peach and offered to seduce her back at his hideout. He passed out while seducing her, however. Now that he's the leader, his main love is Aretha, but he rapes his minions every night before falling asleep on the floor. At one time, when Lindsay (from TDI) was a temporary member of L.O.S.E (she actually joined because she was told it was a college), Voltar made love to her twice a night, and successfully got her knocked up (their son, Renegade, is now a black magic wizard). He's even rumored to have fathered an illegitimate love child while being a superhero. However the rumors might not be true. He has lately been seen walking the shores of San Fransisco Beach with fellow homosexual Ward Churchill.

Military Service[edit]

During a 17 day period, he and his associates (at the time, it was just Dr. Frogg, Red Menace, and Doomageddon) served as mercanaries in the great Lunar War. During this time he joined the Destruction Knights. He however was also a member of the Scorching Blaziken Warriors. Anyway, the objective for the Destruction Knights, if they won the war, was to cause a dimensional rip inside the core of the moon, which would cause the rock to explode and the earth to be in an endless state of day. Upon reaching the core however, Voltar experienced a moral dillema because he's a wuss. Escaping with the money from both sides, he attempted to leave the moon and travel to a parallel universe but was shot down by the Longcat Empire sprinkler defense system, after which, him and his team built a small shed on the crappy patch of dirt where their swingset used to be.

Drug Addiction[edit]

This guy married Voltar and Jessica Simpson.

While working as an undercover male prostitute, he accidentally had cocaine sucked up his nose and he loved it! He went crazy, smashing up people's windows, destroying their kitchens and killing everyone in their apartment buildings. He even married Jessica Simpson while he was high, but they broke it off because Jessie was a dumb-blonde and Voltar had traded her for Tony Romo, paying with a bar of soap.

See Also[edit]