Vomit, also known as recycled food, is a healthy alternative to cooking. Vomit can be made quickly and is always available from your local bulimic neighbor. When someone vomits it is polite to say Ugh, because it is disgusting.
Description of vomit
Vomit is usually yellowish, and full of chunks of partially digested, partially hydrogenated, and partially constipated food particles of which the most recognizable is corn, and the most unrecognizable is lime gelatin. Vomit may also be green, brown, or certain shades of pink. It can contain a numerous array of ingredients, everything from the mundane peanut butter and jam to pickled pigs feet, or even brains. Regardless of what the puking person recently ate, vomit always contains diced carrot. which is the opposite of shit which never has carrots in it but only sweetcorn.
Vomit usually has the consistency of chicken noodle soup, but it can range from a light broth of bile to a hefty stew or gumbo. It is also the main ingredient for The Simpsons' 17th, 18th, 19th, and 20th seasons (2005-2009).
Because vomit contains vegetables, it is strong in vitamins A B and C, as well as vitamins F and U. Vomit also contains meat, however the actual health benefits of meat have been disputed among the Scientists, the Doctors that Like to Tell How Everyone Should Live also known as “SDLTHESL” or “Those Smart Guys” vomit is even known to contain at least 3 servings of Hydrochloric acid. Hydrochloric acid is extremely good for teeth; it quickly strips away the enamel of teeth and washes away all that nasty sugar you've eaten, leaving a whiter brighter smile for all to see. So before you go to a dentist always eat as much vomit as possible.
The health benefits of vomit consumption are clear. It isn't just the strong contents of vitamins, but also the fact, that vomit is easily digestible. Vomit, being that it is partially predigested for you, means that your body does not have to burn hardly any of those precious calories that your body has so painstakingly stored up.
Vomit is also high in fiber, so it will help you to stay regular and it is proven to make your penis bigger by -50%!
Furthermore, the act of vomiting has an incredible quality of being able to make the vomiter lose weight without the need for alterations in diet or exercise habits! Known technically as bulimia, this act is practiced by lots of really cool kids. Furthermore, really hot famous people in Hollywood do it too. Some have argued that the side effects of this practice, ranging from tooth rot (from stomach acid) to death (from malnutrition), significantly offset its benefits, making it a serious eating disorder. However, bulimia gets you thin, so it's totally cool.
History of vomit consumption in the United States
Vomit consumption has been a part of American history since Samuel Adams stepped off the Mayflower at Plymouth Rock in search of more beer. On the pilgrim's first night in the new world, they laid down kissed the ground, got drunk, and ate their own vomit.
After that, it became a weekly tradition for the female pilgrims to stick their fingers down their throats and feed their degenerative offspring. Even after the pilgrims stole corn and turkeys from the local Indian population, they still consumed vomit regularly.
The Olive Brach Partition Proclamation Petition was written over a steaming bowl of fresh vomit. In fact it was also signed using special ink taken from the vomit of fried calamari. From there, vomit was present at nearly every inaugural dinner of an American
Even today American troops are sucking down vomit as a safe alternative to Iraqi cooking.
History of vomit consumption around the world
Vomit has been eaten by humans since Lucy, the red headed homoerectious, gave up her job as a hooker and became a bulimic runway model. Her discovery of vomit quickly spread throughout Africa, and, over time, the world.
Right on through the Great Ages, the humans of Earth ate, and have eaten, vomit. During the Stone age, men stoned heretics, and people they didn't like, in hopes of procuring vomit. During the Bronze age, women invented a special tool that could be pushed down their throats to help procure vomit. During the Iron age, blacksmiths crafted various iron containers for the long-term preservation of vomit.
Even during the height of Rome, Romans would eat vomit!
“Eating vomit isn't that bad, there are much worser things out there. Compared to haggis, Soylent Green or spam, eating vomit is going to be a relief in comparison - accept the word of one who knows.”
- Australian - vaumit
- Bulgarian - повърня or Азис
- Canadian - vomiteh
- Chinese - vomito
- Croatian - bljuvotina
- Czech - blití
- Danish - bræk
- English - barf or puke
- Finnish - yrjö
- French - vomissement
- German - kotzen or speien
- Greek - ξερνώ
- Hungarian - hányás
- Icelandic - æla, Satan
- Italian - vomito
- Irish - tiné or ganaseach
- Japanese - vomitosaka
- Polish - wymiotować
- Portuguese - vómito
- Russian - [bl'evat']
- Spanish - vomitos
- Swedish - spy, or alternately kräkas
- Tagalog - sŭ΄kâ (incidentally, this word also means vinegar in the Philippines)
- Hebrew - קי
- Dutch - kotsen
Fact: Barack Obama's name happens to be the same in every language...