Who Love Cheesy Poos
..is the legendary heavy metal band which debut album "The Chronicles Of Warlord Josef And His Eggnogg" sold over -5.0 million copies in no time. It was reviewed as one of the most crappy albums ever made.
Oh We're All Going To Die and directv is going to do it
In fact this didn't bother the band members at all, who happened to be mostly deaf (all because of the not-so legendary Pennsylvania nuclear war in 1982.) Those were the days, they say.
WLCP's lead singer Cruz Dickofson says that it's important to keep your feet on the ground, otherwise you just might fly away. Dickofson's singing often comes out like a cat vomiting, but he claims that he and all his furry little friend are all right. Critics note that Dickofson hasn't been singing in a long time, since all the WLCP albums after the year 1992 have been carried out by a female singer. Any proof of female hormone usage hasn't been investigated.
Not so well known fact about the band! - WLCP's world acclaim was nearly down the pan before they even got started as their 1883 album "Procastination at it's Best" was voided as an incomplete masterpiece before it could be completed.
This just went to show that you just can't not knot an unknotted not, unless you can of course!
Who Love Cheesy Poos has always been a big part of the media, or at least one article was written about them. All this mainly because the critics don't have anything else to do but to blame WLCP's production as the main reason of World Wars.
So, at least there is this one article. And you might want to read it. Watch out, here it cums.
Steamy News on February 4th, 2002:
"Yesterday many fans were disturbingly shocked when they heard the sad news about the death of the drummer of the two-and-a-half-hit song heavy metal band Who Love Cheesy Poos. The cause of death was an infected rectum, which had ended up in the nose of the drummer.
The memorial ceremony will be arranged in the Holy Moly Cathatroly Chruch in West-Surminghamptonsdrift. The drummer wanted to be remember from the famous band, therefore the gravestone will have the text "I Was My Mom now in stores now" on it.
In other news, WLCP has made it's comeback with a new single called "I Was My Mum", which has sold over -12 million copies, making even the record companies horny.
WLCP will be performing live next tuesday on MTW Ass Awards with their brand new album "Watch out for the rabies", which has collected the critics' opinions with utter rejection and morning sickness. Their last album The Art of Ordering Omelettes was a public discrimination against humanity. As amazing as it sounds, all the tickets to the concert have been sold. The main reason for that might be that the resurrected Beatles are performing as their warm-up."
- Cruz Dickofson - Lead Singer, Additional Throat Warbling
- Al Boom - Suxophone
- Len "Lennie" Balsac - Bass, some percusion
- Mick "No Dress Sense" O'Flynn - Lead Guitar (1982-1989)
- Kurt Cobain - Lead Guitar (1989-2003)
- "Wedge" - Lead Guitar (2003- )
- LMAO Zedong - Propaganda flutes
- Nigel Dickofson - Keyboards
- Phil Latio aka "Stinky Shortarse Phil Latio" aka "The Dwarf" aka "Dude, Where's My Rectum?" - Drums (1982-2002)
- Bob Moog - Drums (2002-2006)
- Kyle XY - Drums (2006- )
- Ted Danson - Backup Dancer (1873- )
Despite an impressive catalogue of work, WLCP is primarily know as a LIVE band (with the exception of several guitarists and a drummer). The height of their fame coincided with the now infamous "Tuna Fish Upside Ur Ass" Tour of 1984. With support group, The Samaritans, the boys led the rockiest of rock n roll lifestyles, culminating in the Tuna Fish Incident (later the inspiration for the track "It's stuck now, get it out" from the Pink Trumpet alboom).
Abused '06 Tour Mishap
In February, 2006 the Abused tour was swinging in full swing, much like Cruz Dickofson's flabs of skin hanging from his arms. WLCP was selling out VFWs left and right, nearly having up to 12 people seeing each show in the many different areas. However, tragedy struck in the form of death on March 10th.
Big Hunky Jewish Men Monthly Article:
"It seemed as just a normal day for Hans, the 78 year old pro-choice Republican who was still recovering from shellshock from the Vietnam War(Which never happened). He was at his local Dairy Queen, watching those new sailor bands coming through town, when he saw the greatest band ever: WLCP. He was just finished with pleasuring himself to the Anticipation album, which he had his grandson download from Limewire, when the drummer fell off the stage unto Hans' tight muscular buttocks, killing both instantly. Luckily, the baby is expected to live."
Yes, drummer Bob Moog passed away that day, only to be replaced by a new drummer by the name of Kyle XY.
While the death of Bog Moog and the sudden disappearance of Kyle XY shocked the entire band, they still persisted in the idea that touring was still possible, and as such, Confused '07: The Quest for Prostitute Money was born. The tour will take place in Kazakhstan in August 2007, and is expected to have "The most fucking like...sweet show ever. Like, if I had to choose between sex and C07:TQFPM, I'd choose...sex."
Albums to Date
- The Chronicles Of Warlord Josef And His Eggnogg (1982)
- Loud and Hard (1983)
- Procrastination at its Best (1983-Incompleted)
- Wheels of Linoleum - Live in Texas (1984)
- Anointed & Annoyed (1985)
- Enter the Bathroom (1986)
- Soundtrack from 7-Up (1988)
- Pink Trumpet (1989)
- Pink Trumpet - Limited Al Boom Edition (1990)
- Hot 'n' Bulbous (1991)
- The Seventh Seal of Megatron (1992)
- Cheezy Poo at the Speed of Noise (Japanese Bootleg) (1994)
- The Gentle Art of Ordering Omelettes (1998)
- Watch Out For the Rabies (2002)
- Twenty Years After (2002)
- Anticipation (post-delay-cancelled)
- We Need Money (2006)
- Cakes on a Train (2007)
- A Smartass Comment Translated Into Random Language of Your Choice (2008)
Singles to Date
- We Love Cheesy Poos (1982)
- I Am My Mom (1982)
- Jellyfish R Us (1983)
- Why Not A Random Accelerator (sold in Japan only) (1984)
- Smells Like Eggnogg (1985)
- Anoint Me (1985)
- The Pipes, Danny, The Pipes (including a two-hour bagpipe solo reversed) (1987)
- This Song From The Pink Trumpet Alboom (1989)
- Another Brick in the Eye (1999)
- I Hope That Smell's Not You (2001)
- I Was My Mom (2002)
- Love Your Ostrich (As You Never Know When He'll Be Gone) (2004)
- Mullet Time (2005)
- Muthertruckin' Cakes On My Muthertruckin' Train (2006)
BAND COMMENT: Hey guys, I just want to say thanks guys, we couldn't do this without you. Also, in other updates: LISTEN YOU LITTLE SHITS, WE ARE NOT IN OUR WANING STAGE OF BEING A D- LIST BAND AND COPYING OFF OF ANOTHER SUCCESSFUL IDEA AND WE ARE NOT DYING. SO YOU DUMB ASSHATS CAN GO BACK TO MYSPACE OR WHEREVER THE HELL YOU KEEP YOUR CRYSTAL METH AND MASTERBATE.
Love, My Scrotum, assholes.
PS: Ted Danson sends his regards. He's totally OK with not having won that Emmy.
In other updates, WLCP's sidekick harppoonist Gyllen Omagon has announced her attempts to quit the band. Attempts in the meaning of making the media aroused and fans even more nutty. Anyhoo, there goes that harp.