Centaurs. Truly, the most noble and fearless creatures of the internet. Fleet of foot, yet powerful enough to best any foe. Animalistic and simple in nature, and yet wise beyond human reckoning. Drive like sports cars, ride like sedans. But we know so little about them. Where do these magnificent creatures come from? From what crevice of space and time have they sprung nobly forth, bringing us limitless joy and happiness? What, indeed, the fuck? They have grazed the wide plains of the Suggestions template for literally days, yet we have but barely begun to unravel their infinite complexity. We have but barely begun to appreciate the precious life-giving glue they vie us.
It is with this thought in mind that I, humbly, have set forth. It is my mission to bare for the world the fantastic and secretive lives of the centaur, to find learn what may be learned about this mysterious race and then share it with the world. For science, for man, and for shits and giggles, I must undertake this epic task. No more shall we lie in breathless wonder at the call of the centaur. No more shall our philistinism let the possibilities of these creatures lie fallow to us. Amen and Hallelujah!
- 1 The Birth of the Centaur
- 2 The Life-Cycle of the Centaur
- 3 Centaurs: Cool
- 4 Conclusion
The Birth of the Centaur
How Do Centaurs Breed?
Centaurs have a mating season that lasts from early April to late July. During this time, the female centaurs, or "centaurettes", begin to get really snappy and angry and tip poorly when they go to restaurants. If a male centaur, or "male centaur", approaches a female centaur at this time, he will be destroyed by a barrage of emotional instability and irritability. At the end of the mating season, the centaurette will get off its ass and go steal a human baby.
How Do Baby Centaurs Grow Horse Legs?
What Are Centaurs Like During Their Development?
The young centaur is a playful, happy creature. They can often be found playing chase with each other under the careful eye of their centaur parents, or trampling wailing peasants beneath their gigantic fucking horse-feet. As the centaur gets older, however, these activities gradually fall off, and are replaced with a new hobby: fucking.
How Do Centaurs Mate?
Crazily. You would not believe what the females can do with their hind legs. I mean you should see how fast they can go...
The Life-Cycle of the Centaur
Where Do Centaurs Live?
Centaurs can live in any climate on the internet, except for Splaka's User page, where they spontaneously burst into flame and disappear in a flash of blinding white light. Centaurs have been reported in such diverse environments as the Recent Changes page, the cabal (also, there is no cabal), and the Urban Dead wiki. The greatest concentrations, however, can be found on the VFD page, where the abundance of grazing land and ridiculous shit can provide sustenance for entire herds of centaurs.
Do Centaurs Have A Society?
No. There are consequences you can only imagine.
What Do Centaurs Eat?
Centaurs primarily subsist on a diet of grass and fresh IP
kills articles. These provide the centaurs with essential nutrients and vitamins, helping their disgusting horse-legs grow strong. The centaurs, thanks to their three and a half metabolisms, are also able to transmute excess nutrients in their bloodstream into magical gold and diamonds. This serves no purpose, but c'mon, centaurs--what the fuck? Centaurs can also survive on oranges and human flesh.
Are Hippogryphs Real?
Don't be ridiculous.
Do Centaurs Go Through A Mid-Life Crisis?
Yes they do. At around the age of 754, most centaurs begin to fall into a deep existential funk, questioning the meaning of their own existence and their place in the world. This can be attributed to the fact that they are dead, as centaurs only have a life-span of 12 years.
Do Centaurs Have A Centaur Religion?
Yes. Centaurs are all Buddhists, and have built numerous magnificent temples to the glory of the Buddha throughout their wide-ranging domain. These temples are widely considered masterpieces of engineering and architecture. No one has yet had the nerve to tell the centaurs that their model of Buddha is based off of a Japanese anime called Hundred-Fist Religious Figure Bukkake Showdown, or what the phrase "complete saturation" means in this context.
Do Centaurs Write Poetry?
I am a centaur,
- what the fuck
Do Centaurs Write Literature?
It is a far, far better thing I do now, than I have ever done--what the fuck, centaurs.
Do Centaurs Write Philosophy?
I am a centaur, therefore what the fuck.
Do Centaurs Have Laser Vision And Leathery Wings Like Mommy Said?
Yes. Avoid them like the black death, for they reproduce with our human young without remorse or restraint.
Where Can I Find More Information About Centaurs?
Centaurs are kind of neat.