“There's a walrus in the closet. SRSLY”
“Listen children... *looks outside* WAS THAT A WALRUS?!?!?!?”
“The walrus was Paul, then he was me, now I'm John.”
This articles is about Tommay-Toe Walrus Yu-Chiu Young and other young walrus pop stars. Tommay is somtimes known as Tommay-Toe, Tommay, Tommy, Tommerz, Yu-Chiu, Tommers and "A Beasite Boy" by his teachers. Tommy is a weird walrus of age 17. When he was a child, Tommy lived in in Antarctica until Global Warming started. He quickly fled to Maryland where he met the eggman. Soon afterwards, he went further south thinking it was colder there, and now currently resides in Alburqueque!
The walrus, (prenounced Woolworths, plural Walrii) is a super fatty species of the pinnipeds, a semi-aquatic vampiric tusked mammal from outer space that resides in cool climates. Its most notable feature is its large tusks which it uses to gore its prey and suck out their blood. They are the supreme arch enemy of the poacher. In the late 1800s it became associated with carpenters such as Karen Carpenter and Jesus. The commonly used plural of walrus is walrii, even though the correct usage is walruses (according to Grammar Nazis). This should be noted when trekking through their breeding grounds, as nothing offends a walrus more than poor english, or singing about narcotic penguins. it just pisses them off. For this reason, Paris Hilton (who has changed her last name to "squiggles" after leaving jail a "changed person"), is on the Walrus' Most Hated list, along with chris brown, and frank the pineapple. Former Walruses include Allie Murphy, Chris's ex-walrus.
The Louisiana Walrus was discovered in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, in 2003. Several different species can be found. They look similar to severely obese women. The Louisiana Walrus is commonly mistaken for human beings and they are sometimes served at Burger King.
The Origin of the Walrus
It has been recently discovered that the walrus species is descended from Marshall White, whos name has descended to what we now call "walrus", and he is still living today wearing the worlds largest pair of shoes and having the largest penis of any mammal ever in any existance in the universe. This has angered many who believed it was created by a very old descendent of a large male genetailia with big teeth, but the sad truth is that the walrus is simply a modern form of overweight chronic masturbators.
It is also known that Jamie Hyneman is the outcome of when Hugh Hefner had his first man-on-animal intercourse. Walrus' have become extraordinarily famous over the years with media backing of the Beatles no.Something hit song "I am the Walrus!". Then, a guy called Nicolas Walstrom went and created 'Super Walrus Power' which allows you to have free access for life to Aqua World in his game, Nicholas' weird Adventure! There are many types of walrus' but the only known living type now is Marshall White.
Walrii have the capability to bring happiness to anyone they touch. Walrii were used by the United Nations in the World Wars to keep the dictators from being angry (through carpet bombing, as of the 60s walruses are endangered). Walrii are also used as an interrogation method, because of overwhelming happiness, the person exposed easily gives away the truth! Screw forensics, hello walrii! The walrus can also do kick-boxing, despite its lack of legs or ability to wear gloves.
Walrii, however, can also be extremely volatile creatures, with short tempers that can be angered by such things as bad knock-knock jokes, improper silverware placement, human pheromones, the numbers 23 through 67, and the occasional rugby match. Do not look walrii in the eye, or else they will morph into Xenu like a transformer bot and destroy your shit.
The tusks of the walrii are extremely potent aphrodesiacs, so powerful one tusk would keep Hugh Hefner alive for another 12.5 seconds.
You can not argue with a walrus. You may try, but it will be in vain. A lot of vain.
As a member of The Beatles
The Walrus was possibly the most well-known member of The Beatles. He joined in 1963 as a backup electric guitar player. (Because he invented the electric guitar, that's why.) After Stuart Sutcliffe died that year he became a permanent member. On a bad acid (False, he was flowerflipping) trip in 1967 he wrote the famous song I Am the Walrus, which, though a minor hit with the group, topped the Walrus' solo charts for an impressive 500,000 milleniums. It was knocked off by Right Said Fred's "I'm too sexy for my shirt", for absolutely no reason that anybody can determine. Since then the Walrus has enjoyed an impressive solo career.
War On Manatee
For centuries now the mighty walruses have gone into battle against their genetic rival... The manatee! A walrus will tipically rent a speed boat and run over a manitee. When a manatee is hit by a speed boat it is squished into a manaray! The Walrii and manitees have aranged the final battle between them to be in Alaska in the year 3000, but the walri have sent an abasitor to convince the Canadian Government to send troops!
Originally the name of a song by the band The Residents, this group of highschoolers from California makes music to raise money for a trip to the arctic circle. Once there, they hope to exact revenge upon the entire pinniped race for the brutal slaying of their friend Michael Arbuckle.
Raid on the Octopus's Garden
With the help of Saddam Hussein, Hitler and John Lennon, because he is the walrus (sort of), the Octopus's Garden was raided and captured, taken under the Walrus control. Unfortunately, this base was soon lost one night when scuba divers touched it.
- I am the eggman.
- They are the eggmen.
- I am the walrus.
- I am not the walrus, nor do I claim to be.
- You are NOT the walrus.
- koo koo ka choo koo koo ka choo.
- The joker laughs at you.
- Jooby Jooby Jooby.
- In some cases being bit by a walrus will turn you into a werewalrus or what is commonly referred to as the "Louisiana" Walrus.
- Many people believe that earth is just an elaborate cage for God's pet Walrus.
- A walrus when working with an eggman can take down a grue but this will never happen because walri hate eggmen.
- it has been discovered that Adult eggmen EVOLVE into walruses ether that or....... a unholy combination of a grue, wikipedia monster, and Michael Jackson.
- You've been a naughty boy/girl, you let your face grow long/knickers down.
The Case of the Missing Bucket
Some time ago a SEAL had procured a bucket and then exclaimed, 'I has a bucket!" Unfortunately a terrible thief came and stole his bucket. When questioned by authorities the depressed SEAL replied, "No, they be stealin' my bucket!" The bucket is blue in color and roughly the size of a SEAL's head. The robber is said to be a zoo man and assaulted the SEAL whilst stealing his bucket. He is armed with a bucket and considered dangerous. Call the authorities immediately with any new information.
Some of you may be wondering, what is the national bird of china? It is in fact the Walrus. I'm serious, a flippin' walrus!!! The Chinese value this bird because of it's rich meaty blubber. Not only do they eat it in their rice and noodles, but they use it as toliet paper when toliet paper becomes scarce.
Most Well Known Walruses
Perhaps one of the most well known Walruses in all history, is Michael Moore. Although, a fair argument can be made to claim that the most famous Walrus is in fact your mom. Other notable Walruses are Rosie O'Donnel and elephants.