Warren Buffett

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Warren Buffett.

Warren Buffet, generally acknowledged as the second richest man in the United States Of America, (after Ryan Seacrest), is the inventor of the all-you-can-eat restaurant concept. Back in the old days--before 1942--this was unheard of, but Buffet persevered through thick and thin and perfected the idea. Today, many restaurants actually use his name when referring to their unlimited offerings.

Warren's treasure varies from place to place

Buffet thought of the idea while touring India and seeing starving people. "What would make these folks feel really, really bad?" he pondered. The solution was letting them know that people in America can sit down and eat themselves to death anytime they want. "That'll put them Injuns in their place," Buffet stated, not realizing that Indians in India aren't the same ones that go "Woo-Woo" and live in tepees.

Early Life[edit]

Buffet grew up in a wealthy home. His mother was actress Donna Reed and his father was the famous cannibal Walter Winchell, a failed cross between Campbell's soup and Spaghetti O's. He was used to getting everything he wanted simply by moaning really loud while doing his sister and having a servant come over. After he graduated from boarding school and college, he was shocked that the world didn't actually work this way. He joined with his friend and lover Oscar Wilde and deciding to do something about ridding the world of poverty and hunger.

His plan was to simply kill off all the poor and hungry people. Fortunately for them, Buffet checked with his family attorney who advised him against it. "What a terrible police state we live in," Buffet was heard to say when he was told he couldn't simply get rid of lazy, poor, or otherwise useless people.

The Discovery of All You Can Eat[edit]

In 1955, Buffet has an epiphany of strippers. After he went to the doctor and got hiv from doing the doctor at age 6 he started working full-time on his "all you can screw" concept. The idea was simple: charge people a fixed price in advance then sit them down in a huge room with strippers and prostitues.

To make it more profitable, Buffet made the more inexpensive strippers of better quality than the more expensive offerings, to discourage people from screwing too much shrimp and lobster. For this reason, he became known as the prodigal son of screwing Ingesting.

Richest Man in the World[edit]

Today, every time someone eats in an eponymous "buffet", Warren Buffet makes $0.25. This has made them the richest man in the world. His company, Berkshire Crapaway, has a stock price per share of over US $1Million, making it the most expensive stock on the American Exchange. Buffet personally holds 55% of Berkshire Crapaway's stock, in the form of one giant certificate the size of a football field.