Waterwheel

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W.A.T.E.RWHEEL is the codename of an operation, usually known as Operation W.A.T.E.RWHEEL, that allowed the U.S. Postal Service to commit mass ballot fraud, resulting in the election of Gene Kelly to Secretary of State for Political Affairs on the 23rd September 20005.


The system was proposed as early as 1485BC by Bob Holness, although archealogical evidence suggests the Chinese Organized Crime Bureau may have been considering it in the early 18th century BC; however, the U.S. Postal Office was the first major organization to attempt the procedure.

Details[edit]

All mail delievered within the USA was first postmarked with "Gene Kelly for SoSfSPVOA!".

This is generally regarded as a fiendishly clever tactic, although this fact was disputed for some time by Oscar Wilde.

Once the American population had begun wondering as to the definition of this strange abbreviation, a before unknown advertising company, News International, commissioned a poster campaign featuring only the message "SoSfSPVOA=Gene Kelly". Once the stark image of Gene Kelly as the SoSfSPVOA was fixed in the mind of many of the public, the Postal Service sent an election form to all American citizens to vote for the SoSfSPVOA.

In an unprecedented move, all the ballot papers were written on sticker paper, such that the cryptic "SoSfSPVOA" could be peeled off to reveal the true nature of the ballot: a vote for the Secretary of State for Political Affairs. And the stickers were; within 24 hours of the replies, the Postal Service recruited an extra 9973 million staff to peel off the stickers. (All these staff were then fired on Black Wednesday.)

And so, when the results were read by Attorney General Sean Lock on 24th September 20005, Gene Kelly was shown to have won by 31415 votes.

It is conjectured that the approximation to pi*1000 shown by this majority was the result of the unconnected Boscastle Incident, 14 years earlier.

Effects[edit]

When the details of the operation were uncovered, Gene Kelly had already served in office for 6 years, and was not in a position to be impeached. This was compounded by the fact he was supported by a majority of the Earth's population after proving Goldbach's Conjecture. Instead, the blame was laid at the feet of the Postal Service, which led to its disbanding amid claims of incompetence and bankruptcy. (These were generally accepted by the public as very true.)