Weapons of Mass Turbation
“I got one for Saddam!”
Weapons of Mass Turbation have existed for many years, some of them even existing as far back as 300 B.C. in Ancient Greece. These weapons were of course very crude by today's standards. They were used as a part of a ritual cult form of worship, much as today we have these weirdos who do much the same thing, although worshiping different objects. As we all know the second group is also far less likely to engage in sexual depravity also.
Common forms of weapons may be understood as some of the crude objects we see today, such as the Black Pudding and the Sausage. However there are many other forms which can be used as parts of more powerful psychological warfare, also known as 'La guerre PSY-CO-LO-GIQUE' by the French. This can take the form of offensive bullying, as many people like to mark their territory on bathroom walls. This disgusting behaviour is looked upon with stern reproach by those known as the Territorial Unifying Reproachful Department or TURD. Weapons of Mass Turbation can be particularly offensive to women as they often see them as an aggressive form of insult, unlike the odd pinch. Or slap on the backside. Or lacing of her drink with pills. Or that one time in the alleyway...
More modern forms of turbation can include the following: Rubbing, Pwning, Cricketing, Huffing, Wanking and Googleing. Some are considered more taboo than others and require varying levels in the bloodstream to warrant arrest or medical attention.