From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Weboholism is a term with multiple and sometimes conflicting definitions. According to My Uncle Bob, Weboholism refers to any condition that results in the continued use of The Internet despite the health problems and negative social consequences it causes. Medical definitions describe Weboholism as a disease which results in a persistent use of The Net despite negative consequences (not counting looking at porn which everyone does. Weboholism may also refer to a preoccupation with or compulsion toward posting on public Forums and/or an impaired ability to recognize the negative effects of updating your Face Book page at 3:20am in the morning. Although not all of these definitions specify current and on-going use of The Web as a qualifier, some do, as well as remarking on the long-term effects of consistent, heavy Web Use, including Forum Posting, and especially Trolling.

Whilst logging onto the Internet is, by definition, necessary to develop Weboholism, the use of Web does not predict the development of Weboholism. The quantity, frequency and regularity of posting, trolling and downloading porn required to develop Weboholism varies greatly from person to person. In addition, although the biological mechanisms underpinning Weboholism are uncertain, some risk factors, including Alcohol, Boredom and Being a total Twat, have been identified.

For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Weboholics.

Definitions and terminology[edit]

The definitions of Weboholism and related terminology vary significantly between My Uncle Bob, the medical community, treatment programs, and the general public. Generally I trust Bob, since he knows what he is talking about.

Medical definitions[edit]

My Uncle Bob's next door neighbour defines Weboholism as "a pretty wacky thing" and its cuased by just not being able to get off the Internet those bloody Internet forums, and that stupid Face Book it is a chronic disease characterized by impaired control over the keyboard and mouse, preoccupation with fake user ids and Trolling the Web, excessive use of the Web despite adverse consequences, and distortions in thinking.

The DSM-IV (the standard for diagnosis in psychiatry and psychology) defines Web abuse as repeated Web use despite recurrent adverse consequences. It further defines Web abuse as Internet abuse combined with withdrawal, and an uncontrollable drive to post on forums and download heaps of porn

According to Bob's other neighbour Philip, Weboholism is the popular term for Internet dependence.Note that there is debate (between both of Bob's neighbours) whether dependence in this use is physical (characterised by withdrawal), psychological (based on Reinforcement), or both.


Many terms are applied to a Troll's relationship with The Web. Use, misuse, heavy use, abuse, addiction, and dependence are some, but I really can not be bothered trying to list them all let alone define them, so just make up some words and use them instead.

Within politics, abuse is often used to refer to the illegal use of any substance. Within the broad field of The Internet, abuse sometimes refers to use of prescription Web Sites in excess of the prescribed dosage, sometimes refers to use of a prescription Web Site without a Login Id, and sometimes refers to use that results in long-term banning problems. Within religion, abuse can refer to some thing or other, but who cares.

Remission is often used to refer to a state where a Weboholic is no longer showing symptoms of Weboholism. The Association of Head Shrinks considers remission to be a condition where the physical and mental symptoms of Weboholism are no longer evident, regardless of whether or not the person is still pissing around on The Web. They further subdivide those in remission into early or sustained, and partial or full. Some groups, most notably Weboholics Anonymous, do not recognize remission. Instead, these groups use the term recovery to describe those who have completely stopped Loggin onto the Web and are addressing underlying emotional and social factors and getting on with Drinking instead.


The term "Weboholism" was first used in about 30 minutes ago [Citation not needed at all; thank you very much] when this page was created. So don't bother trying to Google it.


Internet abuse disorders are a major public health problem facing many countries. "The most common Internet abuse/dependence in Trolls presenting for treatment is Forum Posting."[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much] In the United Kingdom, the number of 'dependent Forum Posters' was calculated as over 28 million in 2007. The World Health Organization estimates that about 1.5 Billion people throughout the world suffer from Internet dependence.

A 2015 study by My Uncle Bob's 3rd grade School teacher's wife surveyed a group of 3 adult Weboholics and found that after one year some were no longer Weboholics, even though only 17.24% of the group received any treatment, with the breakdown as follows:

  • Paul : still dependent
  • John : in partial remission (some symptoms persist)
  • Ringo : asymptomatic posters (posting increases chances of relapse)
  • George : fully recovered — made up of 13.91% low-risk posters plus 8.25% abstainers (those that canceled their DSL and Cable subscriptions).

Hang on there should only be three in the survey, so just ignore one of them.

Identification and diagnosis[edit]

Multiple tools are available to those wishing to conduct screening for Weboholism. When you sober up the next day you can go to your browser history, and seee just what a total fool you made of your self. Identification of Posts you made and those made by trolls trying to imitate you may be difficult because there is no detectable physiologic difference between a person who Trolls frequently and a person that imitates that Troll. Identification involves an objective assessment regarding the damage that posting on public forums does to the posters life compared to the subjective benefits the poster perceives from posting crap all night. While there are many cases where a Weboholic's life has been significantly and obviously damaged, there are always borderline cases that can be difficult to classify.

Addiction Medicine specialists have extensive training with respect to diagnosing and treating patients with Weboholism. But its all technical about IP scanning and routers and IP address spoofing, and who the hell cares about all that shit.


Several tools may be used to detect a loss of control of a Forum. These tools are mostly useless. Another common theme is a score or tally that sums up the general severity of Web use.

  • The CAGE questionnaire, named for its four questions, is one such example that may be used to screen patients quickly in the IT director's office.

Two "yes" responses indicate that the respondent should be investigated further.

The questionnaire asks the following questions:

  1. Have you ever felt you needed to Cut down on your Web activity?
  2. Have people Annoyed you by criticizing your Web posts or your Face Book site?
  3. Have you ever felt Guilty about Trolling on public Forums?
  4. Have you ever felt you needed a log in first thing in the morning (Eye-opener) to steady your nerves or to get rid of a stupid post you made last night whilst drunk?
The CAGE questionnaire, among others, has been extensively validated for use in identifying Weboholism. It is not valid for diagnosis of other substance use disorders, although Bob doesn't give a shit and just uses it anyway.
  • The Paddy's Too mooch fookin Web Test (PATs) was designed to screen for Web related problems such as forgetting to mask your IP address before posting. It concords well with the AUDIT questionnaire but is administered in a fifth of the time. Paddy just looks at the shit you posted last night, and gives you the nod.

Genetic predisposition testing[edit]

Psychiatric geneticists [Citation not needed at all; thank you very much] (psycho gentry what!!!!) John I. Blundermywayaround, and Thora suggest that Weboholism does not have a single cause—including genetic—but that jeans do play an important role "by affecting processes in the body and brain that interact with one another and with an individual's life experiences. Since she was born as the result of Deep Throat Blow Jobs her genetics are still hard to understand, but with mum and dad as porn stars she knows about Internet Abuse.

Urine and Sperm tests[edit]

There are reliable tests for the actual use of the Web, urine found around the computer is generally a sign that the suspected Webaholic was pissing them selves laughing at a rather stupid and not funny prank played on a Forum somewhere. Sperm on the screen is a clear sign of Browing one of the many Sylvia Saint Web sites.

However, none of these tests for biological markers are as sensitive as screening questionaires.


The primary effect of Weboholism is to encourage the sufferer to post and browse ont he Web at times and in amounts that are damaging. The secondary damage caused by an inability to control one's postings manifests in many ways.

It is common for a person suffering from Weboholism to drink well after physical health effects start to manifest. The physical health effects associated with Web Abuse may include cirrhosis of the liver (a side affect due to drinking cheap red wine whilst posting at 3.00 am in the morning, wrist cramp, heart disease, increased chance of cancer, nutritional deficiencies (from eating Mars Bars all night), sexual dysfunction (from your wife leaving you because of the time you spend on the web), and death from many idiots that take the Web far too seriously.

Social effects[edit]

The social problems arising from Weboholism can be significant. Browsing porn or posting on twatty forums during work hours can result in loss of employment, (assuming you have a job of course) which can lead to financial problems including the loss of Internet Connection. Posting at inappropriate times, and bad behaviour because you were drunk whilst posting can lead to legal consequences, such as being banned or having your IP address blocked.

Web withdrawal[edit]

Web withdrawal differs significantly from most other drugs because it can be directly fatal. While it is possible for TV addicts, for instance, to die from other health problems made worse by the strain of watching total crap all night, an otherwise healthy Weboholic can die from the direct effects of withdrawal if it is not properly managed. Heavy Web use reduces the production of some stupid drug. An abrupt disconnection form the Internet can induce a condition where neither Forums nor Porn exists on the computer system in adequate quantities, causing uncontrolled 404 errors. This manifests as hallucinations, shakes, convulsions, seizures, and possible heart failure, all of which are collectively referred to as delirium tremens. All of these withdrawal issues can be safely controlled with a medically supervised denetification program.


Treatments for weboholism are quite varied. Those who approach Weboholism as a medical condition or disease recommend differing treatments than, for instance, those who approach the condition as one of social choice.

Most treatments focus on helping people disconnect the Internet, followed up with cancelling Cell phone browsers and Crack Berries then social support in order to help them resist a return to Interent use. Since Weboholism involves multiple factors which encourage a person to continue posting and browsing, they must all be addressed in order to successfully prevent a relapse. An example of this kind of treatment is denetification followed by a combination of supportive therapy, attendance at self-help groups, and ongoing development of Log-Off mechanisms. The treatment community for Weboholism typically supports an abstinence-based zero tolerance approach; however, there are some who promote a harm-reduction approach as well.

Group therapy and psychotherapy[edit]

After detoxification, various forms of group therapy or psychotherapy can be used to deal with underlying psychological issues that are related to alcohol addiction, as well as provide relapse prevention skills.

The mutual-help group-counseling approach is one of the most common ways of helping Weboholics stay Logged-Off. Many organizations have been formed to provide this service. Weboholics Anonymous was the first group, and has more adherents than all other programs combined.

Societal impact[edit]

The various health problems associated with long-term Web use are generally perceived as detrimental to society, for example, money due to lost labor-hours, medical costs, and secondary treatment costs. Web use is a major contributing factor for head injuries, violence, and assaults. Beyond money, there is also the pain and suffering of the all individuals besides the Troll affected.

Estimates of the economic costs of Web abuse, collected by the World Health Organization, vary from one to six per cent of a country's GDP.


Depiction of a Forum poster

Stereotypes of Weboholics are often found in fiction and popular culture. The 'town troll' is a stock character in Western popular culture.

Stereotypes of drunkenness may be based on racism, as in the depiction of the Bradfordians as heavy Web Posters.

In Film and Literature[edit]

In modern times, the recovery movement has led to more realistic depictions of problems that stem from heavy Internet use. Films like The Matrix and Tron chronicle similar stories of Weboholism.

See also[edit]



External links[edit]