Wapanese

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What Wapanese do every day. If you spot a weeaboo, keep your distance away from it as it might decapitate you with a Katana smuggled out of Japan!

Wapanese, also known as weeaboos, are a race of formerly human creatures who worship all things modern (and sometimes traditional) Japan. And not only regular worship, but an insane form of worship that is more likely to resemble bronies worshipping My Little Pony. If you happen to see these subhuman creatures, virtual or in reality, MAKE NO ATTEMPT to negotiate or attempt a conversation, because the faggotry they unleash will make even the toughest of humanity fall before their knees. Instead, we recommend you to either Teach Them Or Destroy Them (TTODT) as quickly as possible as guided in this article. These subhumans are clearly one of the greatest faggotries to roam the internet, and possibly the world.

A swarm of Wapanese wankers masturbating to their sacred hentai. How culturally appropriate and honourable! Soon, weens in Japan might follow in these peaceful Yanks' footsteps...

Typical behavior[edit]

Wapanese are the wost kind of faggotry to exist in the 2010's decade. First and foremost, they tend to complain about their own country (usually the United States and compare it with Japan. However, statistics had proven that Japan is the same as or maybe even worse than America as many university students there become beggars after they graduate, and the so-called "tourist spots" are emptier than the Sahara since the last tsunami-earthquake-nuclear radiation leak in 2011. This means that they know ABSOLUTELY nothing about Japan outside of Pokemon, instant ramen, manga and anime, and sorting them out is just like telling an average non-employed Yank with diabesity and a southern accent that Donald Trump is an evil dictator.

Although skinny weeaboos do exist (mostly the female weeb celebs on YouTube), it's very common for weeaboos to have obesity, baggy eyes and pimples. Their doctors tell them to consume more much fruits, veggies and whole grains, but the majority of weebs are perfectly satisfied with their deprived, bland diet of salty white-flour ramen or miso soup without veggies or protein, sugary Wagashi (sweets made by Japanese minimum wage workers in Kyoto), and pre-packaged highly-processed Calbee snacks like potato sticks and sugary Frugola granola.

Thus, this makes a great time for telling ignorant weeaboo fucktards that Japan also houses plenty of fruit and veggie crops, like Yuzu, Mizuna/Water Greens, Kaki/Persimmons, Hakusai/Napa Cabbage, Satsuma Imo /Sweet Potatoes, and Horenso/Spinach.

Nearly all of them have deviantART accounts so they can destroy creativity in the west like the Uyoku Dantai of Creativity (although deviantART is not even an art site) with their Yaoi and sick ass fetishes against weeb franchises such as Naruto and Pokemon. In fact, according to Rule 34, the borderline-racist neon-colored Pokemon get fucked 999999 times more than they do.[1]

Typical weeaboo cosplay. Imagine when these fat fucktards go to Kyoto for vacation and freak the shit out of the locals! Better lock your doors and close your blinds now...

Weeaboos also tend to engage in anime-conventions (a.k.a Anime Cons / アニメ・コンベントン, where they will indulge the babyish faggotry known as cosplay. And when they cosplay they will attempt to wear anything that makes them look more like shit-throwing monkeys or retards than human, especially considering their massive size/caveman-like appearance (with big, dirty, stinky bare feet like Davido-Kun). Then they will Photoshop their appearance to make themselves look like the character they cosplayed, just to make themselves feel better.

From time to time a weeaboo will have the opportunity to go to some less-populated western-style specialty in cold northern Japan, but shortly after 2 days freezing inside a cheap hotel room, they will notice that it is full of indigenous Ainu peoples who hate weeaboos (not big breasted whores), it is a plutocratic monarchist island nation with both pros and cons about its overly left wing-nuttiness, it has frequent earthquakes and tsunamis/tidal waves...

...and the Weeaboo peoples are considered to be extremely retarded racist cancer by the Japs (which brings these fucktards to tears, as most of them are very narcissistic and adamant about what Jap culture they learned from YouTube and the anime/video game/manga industries.). Eventually, they will either return to America, their last words about Japan being "Megatokyo, Pokemon, Nintendo and the Anime/Manga Industry lied to me", and usually they won't even live to tell the tale, as they might get raped in prison by the Chinese police workers in these Japanese prisons and die, or be thrown into Hawaiian Sumo tournaments to be lynched by these massive wrestlers on-air.

The eventual fate of all Wapanese is one (or a combination) of the following:

  1. Dying as an elderly virgin in their mum's basement after waking with a sense of shame;
  2. Mandatory treatment in a Tokyo Rehabilitation Centre (funded by Tokyo citizens' tax dollars)
  3. Getting raped in prison by the rock-hard wieners of incarcerated muscular Japanese boxers and dying;
  4. Eventually finding out that Japan is not what Social Media, the Pokemon (Show) or Durarara! says it is and starting to gain a sense of severe shame. When shame develops, they become a hero. When shame does not develop, Ohio gangsters kidnap them with their IP Address and beat their pea-sized brains to a bloody pulp with Champagne bottles. The images are then uploaded to wanker mainstream media websites like Instagram and YouTube.
  5. Being deported to Fukushima by the Japanese government and being pounded into orange mochi by 7-year old Japanese boys and fed to the national emperor as a snack.
  6. Having their home, katana swords and Japanese-made belongings raided by the JAPANESE GUB'MENT and being forced into nutrition, rehab and mental health programs in Fukushima (since the US gub'ment leaves weebs alone)

Traits[edit]

Stereotypical Wapanese who lives on white-flour ramen and salty instant curry... if he doesn't stop being a weeb soon, he'll turn himself into a fat glob of cellulite mochi.
A more accurate depiction.

Weeaboos, just like all lowly Internet scum, have traits that make them stand out among other so-called human beings. Here are the following traits of this little-known threat to humanity:

  • Just like all subhumans, they do not lurk, they act. As a result, they will actively attempt to draw fanart, create fan fiction, or write blogs about their subhuman traits, which brings ruin to all they touch. Most (99%) of the fanart they draw is so bad that it spreads faggotry across the monitor, and anybody who sees them will try to backspace, only to find out that the page loads slowly and they were forced to close the tab. Their fanfiction is not particularly spectacular either; a Wapanese fanfic usually involves illogical pairings of two male characters that do not love each other for any means, for example, pairing Yugi and Atem while this actually realms into self masturbation as they are the same person. They also tend to create original characters that every single character falls in love with and even dies for.
  • Weeaboos have an EXTREMELY warped collection of views about Japanese history and traditional culture, as it's very hard for them to not associate Japanese culture with Pokemon, Anime or westernized-snuff, just like how Christian Chandler can't associate with any place outside of Virginia, Ruckersville or QuickVille. If someone tries to help weeaboos expand their knowledge outside Pokemon species and Anime subtitles, they go completely apeshit and think anything about Japan's traditional culture and actual history (without Anime, pokemon, mobile apps or sex toys) is fake. They're in constant Social Media Mind Control trafficking, lack independent thought, and have extremely adamant views
  • Thinks Japan is a supreme high tech, white supremacist euro-asian utopia where all the girls have big boobs and want to have sex with fatass basement dwellers that speak only Engrish and fake Japanese. This is actually caused by "learning Japanese" by means of watching neon genesis evangelion, Pokemon or Vocaloid, or fapping to hentai. In reality, if they went to Japan, they would most likely realize that Japan is not full of anime girls or a high tech utopia and they will be thrown in jail by the uyoku, where they will be tortured to death like a Taiwanese 15-year old prostitute in a dark alley.
  • Furthermore, they tend to think that Japan is superior to all other countries, especially Korea, Vietnam, India, Thailand and China. They tend to think of these two countries as the KKK to Jews, and will invariably support the inhumane acts that Japan did in World War II, such as the Nanking Massacre, as well as worshipping the uyoku as God. In reality the uyoku would consider them nothing more than cancer and would most likely lynch them off with military ammo if they were not seperated by the north pacific ocean. Also, China is far stronger, bigger and more productive than Japan while most university students in the tiny island nation of Japan are beggars.
  • Claims to "learn Japanese", but without proper textbooks, dictionaries, Kanji dictionaries, phrasebooks, not even Rosetta Stone or any type of PROPER foreign language language integration at all... only fractured grammar and random words from non-educational anime intended for teenagers and adults, from which one cannot learn Japanese.
  • Those weebs who do know Japanese know only the Hiragana and Katakana alphabets, and almost none of them regularly study the Kanji word system through BOOKS.
  • Speaks in Engrish, which is a mix of very broken and bad Japanese and English. e.g. "I KAN SUPIIKU JAPANESU!^_^", "Yu kan suupee-ku Nee hon goh!" "Ai rai-ku terry yah kee chiken."
  • Only eats ramen (instant noodles), teriyaki, mochi, beef with broccoli and pocky, among other Japanese snacks such as instant curry. They also know absolutely nothing about their origins, so telling them that Ramen is Chinese and Curry is Indian is a good idea.
  • Weeaboos like only japanese food that sounds kawaii, or came from their animes that they watch. This includes Pocky, Black Butler Curry Puffs, Naruto Ramen, and other stupid shit. All they know about JP cuisine came from anime, manga and/or video games, especially Pokemon.
  • Weeaboos might've never heard of rather obscure traditional Japanese foods like Jingisukan (Genghis Khan BBQ), Ruibe (sliced frozen raw salmon), Kiritanpo (pounded rice cakes wrapped around a skewer and grilled), Funa Sushi, Champon, Chanpuru (Okinawan stir fry.), Rafute (stewed pork belly), and Basashi (horse meat). The latter (horse meat) sounds like a good option to suggest Weeaboos to try eating.
  • Has a pixiv or nico nico account and actively contributes/comments with it instead of gazing passively at the seemingly endless expanse of sick fuckery and drama. These weeaboos are considered by the Japanese to be the true cancer of the sites, and the native Japs have everything to fear about sloppy, ignorant, uneducated, morbidly obese scum buckets with eye-gorging anime fanfare bedrooms, living on teriyaki, pizza and hamburgers.

Wapanese mixed with other forms of faggotry[edit]

Typical weeaboo brony art.

One of the common traits of the subhuman creatures that lurk around the internet is that they can mix with other breeds of subhuman faggotry, and Wapanese are no exception. When Wapanese get mixed with other forms of faggotry, the most common result is Weeaboo-furfags and Weeaboo-bronies.

Weeaboo-furfags are usually triggered by sparkledogs, an extreme form of furfaggotry involving rainbow dogs with ridiculous dog anatomy, anime styled hairdos, any accesories that make the furfag author feel better, and a massive watermark that prevents them from getting stolen as nearly every single sparkledog is the same thing. These grotesque vomits of rainbow are usually inspired by historically-inaccurate, train-wreck anime shows, and this causes the furfags who create them to become weeaboos in the process. Another saying is that Weeaboo furfags are formed by watching Pokemon (Show) so they have warped views on Japanese history. And since pokemon is an anime itself, this makes a lot of sense. In fact, the highest pokefurs are almost all weeaboos.

Weeaboo-bronies, on the other hand, are a great mystery. Since My Little Pony is a western cartoon show and weeaboos suck up to all things Japan, it is nearly unimaginable that these two forces will merge. However, it is possible, as many members of the brony fandom are weeaboos, because they think it's cute, just like anime. And in reality, these people do not have any sense of shame as they are one of the main producers of pony rule 34 and ruin among other unrelated franchises. The existence of this evil communist movement proves that anything in this world is possible.

How to pwn weeaboos[edit]

Weeaboos are extremely weak and pathetic creatures and can be easily fall to a number of tricks due to their overly inflated self ego and extreme narcissism. Here are a few tricks:

The predicted end of all weeaboos.
  • Tell them that all Japanese become western-weeaboos after the age of at least 13. This means that 50% of them become america-boos, and want yank culture and yank food more than their own native stuff. Those who don't become america-boos become euro-boos (usually france-boos) and prefer the elegant cultural aspects and better paying jobs and creative arts of Europe more than their native country too. This can explain why Japanese are so fascinated with European arts as inspiration for their works.
  • Tell them that Japan HATES weeaboos despite them claiming to be "incredibly firm to their culture" (whatever that means, as cultural norms change throughout the times). If they point out that they don't care or something related, just tell them that they want someone like a strong white or a thuggy black intelligent human being instead of some subhuman faglord that is more closely related to a monkey. If they deny it again, just tell them that they will surely get the critical rejection.
  • Speak in Japanese insults, especially if you're a genuine learner of Japanese and have a collection of good Japanese study material. For example, if some fucking weeaboo says "OKAMI KAWAII DESU NE SAMA! (^_^)", respond with " はい、貴方の豚の顔は糞のようなにおい ", which is "yes, your pig face smells like shit". If he/she says "OMG! yu kan supiikuu nihongo!" respond with " 貴方のようなもの猿のような. " which means that "You are more like a monkey." Remember to explain if he/she continues with his/her intense faggotry.
  • Suggest to weeaboos that they should purchase books about ACTUAL Japanese culture and historical events, instead of silly manga books. Some good books include "Japan: A History In Art" by Bradley Smith and Marius B. Jansen, "Essential Kanji" by P.G. O' Neil, and "The Rising Sun: The Decline and Fall of the Japanese Empire" by John Toland.
  • For learning Japanese's 2 alphabets (used primarly for verbs, adopted western words and in furigana), suggest weeaboos that they purchase the books "My First Hiragana Activity Book" by Yuko Green, and "Hiragana and Katakana Flash Cards" by Glen McCabe and Emiko Konomi Ph.D.
  • For these weebs to have better Japanese cultural education than watching Pokemon, suggest them "Japanese Children's Favorite Stories" from Tuttle.
  • forgrammar, give them "The Handbook of Japanese Verbs (Kodansha Dictionary)" by Taeko Kamiya.
  • Post Vimeo or other YT-alternative videos about hiroshima atom bombs, Japanese military history, march 11, 2011 nuclear radiation leaks, and the bataan death march. Especially educational anime videos about Japanese military history. Some mentally devoid sick fucks will still mass-debate to it nonetheless, and they deserve to rot in the abyss of the immature internet.
  • If all of these tips fail, recruit the massive head of Nanshu (from Chu Teng) to devour the spirits of the specified weeaboo(s), or tell him to throw them into the Moon Palace's prison so Oumedama can eventually huff them to death via mandatory, faux meditation lessons provided free of charge.

See also[edit]

Notes[edit]

  1. A typical weeaboo gets fucked 0 times by the US gub'ment (who's more concerned about healthcare costs and taxes). No exceptions (unless you're a weight-lifting, lean and strong soldier in the Uyoku Dantai clan going after those feeble weebs).

External links[edit]

This article is part of the Wonderful Japan series
Culture: Bushido | Engrish | Manga | Battle Royale | Cosplay | Domo-kun | Samurai | Japanese High Schools | Japan Self-Defense Forces | Ninja Gaijin | No Gaijin Allowed | Domo-kun | PlayStation Portable | Nintendo Eightfold Path | Wii | Mario | Pikachu | Death Note | Yaoi | Hello Kitty | Doraemon | Naruto | Vocaloid | Yu-Gi-Oh!

Companies: Toyota | Nintendo | Honda | Mazda | Mitsubishi | Konami | Sony


People: Chikan | Godzilla | Junichiro Koizumi | Shinzo Abe | Shigeru Miyamoto | Sadaharu Oh | Hikaru Utada | Oda Nobunaga | Toshiro Mifune | Toyotomi Hideyoshi


Places: Tokyo | Osaka | Hiroshima | Nagasaki | Fukoshima Nuclear Plant


Organizations: CLAMP


History: Prehistory | Kamakura/Minamoto Shogunate | Muromachi/Ashikaga Shogunate | Sengoku Period | Azuchi/Oda Shogunate (Incident at Honnō-ji) | Edo/Tokugawa Shogunate | Empire of Japan | 2011 Earthquake in the Land of the Rising Sun