Welly Wanging

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Welly wanging: care in the community.

The term 'welly wanging' refers to a contest, usually involving two or more competitors, whereby turns are taken to determine who can discharge a Wellington Boot, of their own bringing, the farthest distance from a given point. This can be done using a number of methods, but must conform to the regulations of NORPA (the National Orthopaedic Regulations for Propulsion Association).

This is to ensure both the safety of other competitors, so they are not subjected to, for example, a removal of the eye by means of an illegal and dangerously-propelled boot. It is also to ensure the protection of said Wellington, as they are notoriously difficult to clean up to competition standard, and this is not helped by the presence of excess mud following a second-rate wanging.

“I used to wang the odd welly... Damn typos...”

~ Oscar Wilde on Welly Wanging

“I rolled a cheese once...”

~ Captain Oblivious on Welly Wanging

Commonly used wanging techniques:[edit]

  • The one-handed wang - The most commonly exploited technique, by which the competitor attempts to propel the boot as far as possible with the use of a single hand, usually moved in a back-and-forth motion repeatedly until momentum enough is built up to send the released boot on its path of trajectory at optimum velocity. This can be attempted either right or left-handed, such is the individual's preference, though it is recommended that the preferred writing hand is used, as it is less likely to tire if the competition is to be staged over a number of rounds. For those who are ambidextrous, well, take your pick. Please bear in mind, however, that you only have one welly, so you cannot use both simultaneously on separate boots.
  • The double-handed wang - The method of choice for those who happen to be in possession of a particularly large welly, such that both hands can fit around the head leaving enough of a gap to generate optimum propulsion. This technique usually involves some form of pirouette motion as a power source, as obviously swinging from the side can be difficult. There is also, though, the possibility of wanging from between the legs, bent over at a 90 degree angle and then extending the back and bringing the boot through for the release.
  • The Blind Wang - Here, the competitor attempts to wang over their head, whilst facing away from the target. This enables a large back swing, but has the obvious disadvantage that the target is out of sight for the duration of the throw. The competitor must take care, too, that the welly does not fly straight up into the air, as this may incur the embarrassing scenario whereby the welly simply ends up dropping onto the head of the competitor, or worse still, one of the crowd.

Sometimes, just sometimes, the wellies may give grace to an uprising killing all participants before going for a small cup of cocoa.