Welsh Rarebit

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The last known remaining image of Ann Coulter a Welsh Rarebit.

“I had one as a pet when I was young!”

~ Brandon Flowers from The Killers on Welsh Rarebit

“TAKE IT! TAKE IT! TAKE IT!”

~ Alexis Cohen (the crazy lady that was on the American Idol auditions} on Welsh Rarebit

A rodent indigenous to Wales, the Outer Hebrides and isolated parts of Euthanasia. Known for it's yellow/orange colouring and musical ability, the Rarebit is often confused with a mythological creature called 'the Rabbit.'

Habitat[edit]

The Welsh Rarebit is known to nest on slices of hot buttered toast, or chunks of Bara Brith (Welsh Soda Bread). Infant Rarebits, known as Elmos are almost identical miniatures of the mature animal, with the only noticeable difference being their high-pitched whiny voice.

Much like Foxes, there is a sub genus of Welsh Rarebit, the Urban Rarebit that can be found staggering down the streets of Swansea, Cardiff, Newport, Wrexham and most Welsh city streets on Thursday, Friday or Saturday night. On these occasions they should be treated with the utmost respect and kept at least 10 meters distant from your person. Rarebits have a tendency to consume excessive quantities of alcohol, sing loudly and will fuck anything with trousers on or preferably without them. It is advisable to disinfect your genitals or better, apply a white hot blow torch to them if you are contaminated with Rarebit muff juice.


Just like any person that is Welsh, the Welsh Rarebit will try to internally decapitate you if you look at it directly in the eyes. It does this by beating your neck with a boom mic until you render unconscious. Then it forces you to watch reruns of Family Matters until your ears start to bleed (This usually happens from first hearing the theme song.) Then it orally rapes you for no apparent reason twice in a row. Finally, it beats on your neck while wearing a Dora The Explorer helmet until your neck snaps in half. Then it writes "poop" on your face with it's acid pee. (This can be prevented by gouging out your own eyes so there's no possible way that it can attack you.)

One way to kill a Welsh Rarebit is to win a gold medal at the Olympics, (winter or summer) then melt a part of the side and make it jagged, and slit its throat the second you see one.

Brandon Flowers' Welsh Rarebit (BFWR)[edit]

Brandon Flowers owned one as a pet was he was young but he had to humanely euthanize it because "It wasn't good looking enough". Oh yeah, and it like killed all the inhabitants of Seattle and replaced them with large piles of semen and feces or something, I dunno. BFWR has raped many annoying celebrities, including Ann Coulter. (Although no one cared.) BFWR was reunited with Brandon Flowers when they were putting together their B side album Sawdust. He even got to sing lead vocals on the "remastered" versions of "Under the Bazooka Gum" and "Glamourized Rocks and Rollos" on Sawdust. (This probably explains why they made your ears bleed when first hearing them.)