|Anthem:||Bavaria, Oh Bavaria!
(really three seconds of silence)
|Official languages||Western Bavarian, Silence|
Western Bavaria is located somewhere between Germany and Nicaragua although most Germans claim it's nearer them since Hans the German baker clims to have seen the nation through his telescope. The emperor of Western Bavaria claims the country has moved a few places in its history.
Founded in 100.000.000.000.000.000.000.000 BC when an ancestor of the Scöwler ancestry, Gerard Scöwler decided to start a tiny country in the German forest. In 1896, 100.000.000.000.000.000.001.896 years later and this country was still formed, although the emperor was now a little older. There was now a population of four (including the emperor), the three were all daughters. This was when they were suddenly noticed by Germany, so they began trading with them. The only product Gerard Scöwler and his three daughters could make were M&M's so Germany traded with them.
First World War
In 1912, Gerard Scöwler announced that he was a fascist and demanded all Jews should leave the country. Since the only people in his country were his daughters he found there were no Jews, so his planned plan failed. Western Bavaria attempted to join the Triple Alliance between Germany in 1918, not realising the war had already finished and the Triple Alliance had disbanded.
Second World War
Gerard Scöwler made sure he caught the war in 1939 and immediately supported Adolf Hitler and the Nazis. In 1942 tragedy came to the family when the British dropped a bomb over the M&M factory killing two of Gerard's daughters. For the last three years of the Second World War Gerard Scöwler stayed out of the war because of the deaths in his family and he avidly blamed the Germans for bringing. This lead to the German-Bavarian War.
The First Schnitzel War
During the Franconian Insurrection of 1952, Austrian troops invaded (or were lost on a sightseeing tour) and attempted to overthrow the Western Bavarian government following a meal of bad Dachshundwurst and green cabbage. Western Bavarian forces called out their reserves (third graders from the Hank-Williams-Schule) who successfully repelled the attack.
The Second Schnitzel War
On their second attempt, in 1962, the Austrians realized that, although they had ordered Schnitzel in 1952, they had been served Dachshundwurst and green cabbage. Four Austrians (Benno, Horst, Ludwig, and the Unnamed Mystic) drove a used 1948 Holzbrenner station wagon to invade. Anticipating a counterattack from the Hank-Williams-Schule, they threw candy on the ground as they passed and escaping in the confusion. It was only the deployment of a used diaper in the middle of the Autobahn that forced the Austrians to surrender.
A Treaty of Perpetual Friendship was signed between Western Bavaria, Austria, and Syria (whom no one had invited), ending all wars for all time.
The German-Bavarian War
The German-Bavarian War lasted from 1950-57 when Western Bavaria declared war on Germany for not apologising for the death of the Emperor's daughters. Western Bavaria borrowed troops from the Swiss Navy who sailed from the coast of Switzerland to Germany. Most of the battles took place on the coast of Germany although there was battles on the Eastern Front. In 1957 the people of Germany voted the leader out for starting the war. The new leader was much friendlier, ending the war immediately including giving them the province of Sümplacz.
Western Bavaria remained in peace away from everyone, not even mentioned in the news, for the next forty-seven years until the death of Gerard Scöwler in 2004 at the young age of 100.000.000.000.000.000.002.004. The entire country, all fifteen of them was stunned. The great grandson of Gerard, Josef Scöwler was made the second ever emperor of Western Bavaria, the second ever emperor of the age of seven. In Summer of 2004 two of the Scöwler sisters Gertrude and Griselda went on holiday to Malta to get over the death of such a close family member. The next year Anke, Eva and Wiebke went to Majorca.
Note: If you would like to see them on your holiday, they'll be the ones who are ugly, remain white the entire holiday, wear glasses and don't talk to anyone.
Western Bavarian Family Tree
Gerard Scöwler (Born 100.000.000.000.000.000.000.010 BC Died 2004)
Old Mother Hubbard Scöwler Daughter of Gerard Scöwler (Born sometime between 100.000.000.000.000.000.000.000 BC and 1896)
Annabel Scöwler Daughter of Gerard Scöwler (Born sometime between 100.000.000.000.000.000.000.000 BC and 1896 Died 1942)
Anja Scöwler Daughter of Gerard Scöwler (Born sometime between 100.000.000.000.000.000.000.000 BC and 1896 Died 1942)
Gertrude Scöwler Daughter of Annabel Scöwler (Born 1942)
Anke Scöwler Daughter of Hubbard Scöwler (Born 1945)
Eva Scöwler Daughter of Hubbard Scöwler (Born 1945)
Wiebke Scöwler Daughter of Hubbard Scöwler (Born 1946)
Griselda Scöwler Daughter of Hubbard Scöwler (Born 1947)
Josef Scöwler Son of Wiebke Scöwler (Born 1997)
Western Bavarian trivia
- Western Bavarians make babies using eye contact.
- Because Western Bavarians evolved in a different way, it only takes seven months for a baby to be born.
- Since 1976 the leader of the Indian tea meditation cult Maharishi Chicken Korma Yoghurt has been a citizen and he provides Josef Scöwler and the Scöwler sisters with comfort and wisdom.