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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Whale.

“I'm tired of all these motherfuckin' whales in this motherfuckin' ocean”

~ Samuel L. Jackson on some motherfuckin' whales in some motherfuckin' ocean

Whales was the name of the native people of Wales, who after winning the Six Nations in 2005 and celebrating at the Selenium Stadium on May 28 of that year, felt that they had accomplished all of their aims. After traveling back in time to the Triassic Era, the people of Wales found a new home in the ocean where they eventually evolved into the lovable and cuddly creatures we know as whales. Whales often travel in large groups, called pods. Whales have the second largest male reproductive organs in the world. Whales are a respectful people and deserve our respect. Many whales are from Wales, but some are from Norway, and some have even been found in the Thames.

Whales are small, the largest whale was measured up to 7 inches long. Flying whales can be spotted in the northers region of Africa and are extremely rare.


It is a common misconception that whales and other cetaceans are fish. This is absolutely untrue. Whales are, in reality, giant aquatic mutant insects with a taste for human flesh and unfathomably deep and malevolent intellect, that have learned over the years, in the interest of self-preservation, to curb their burning murderous urges and pretend to be happy-go-lucky mammals that just have no greater joy in life than to jump through hoops suspended in the air and splash water on visitors to Sea World. Some, however, are just biding their time until the whale messiah returns and smites all heathens (those who dare to live upon the solid land) straight down to whale hell.

All praise the whale messiah named the great humpback humper. A typical sexy sea ball. Southern Lake balls is known for its wonderful sucking and cool fresh "water", but little has been known about the abundant whale and dolphin semen until recently. As winter turns to spring and the cool waters of the balls are warmed by the sun, the fresh "water" or sperm of whales and dolphins along with there makers begin their annual southbound 1300-mile journey from the Hudson Bay to southern lake balls. Although there are a number of locks at Sault St. Marie, these beautiful and intelligent fuckers forge a faster breed through nearby streams, and by mid-June, they have reached the breeding grounds of southern Lake balls that they know as their "summer home". breeding for the threat of the whalers, taking benefits of the clean waters and abundant food of coho salmon, lake trout and zebra mussels, the whales remain in the southernmost 60 miles of of lake balls through mid-September.

The clean, fresh waters of the lake especially provide the dolphins benefits over their siblings swimming in salt water. Studies have shown that because they have no "salt layer" to coat their slick skin, they are able to run 40% faster than if they were in salt water. Also, with less buoyancy in the fresh water, it is believed that dolphins are able to reach depths that would be impossible in salt water, reaching food that is swimming along the lake bed.

The whales and dolphins have become part of the scenery and culture of the lake, and their connection to its history is as ancient as the Navajo Indians who settled the shore centuries ago. Although there are stories of the whales causing many of the shipwrecks in Lake Michigan in the late 1800s and early 1900s, these have proven to be fables; the freshwater whale is a gentle creature, and any negative reputation is undeserved.

A historical note ... the Lake Michigan Sperm Whale has been protected since the early 1920's, due to a little known provision of the Volstead Act. This spelled an end to the carnage caused by the whalers along the southern shores of Lake Michigan, and ensured the protection of this fresh water mammal. You can see remnants of whaling villages all over the shores of Michigan, Indiana and Illinois ... many of the traditional whaling harbors are now the present day marinas of Michigan, Indiana and Illinois

A typical unsexy land whale

Many people consider themselves too fat or use the phrase "built like a whale" but these people are clearly observant. Commonly known as Land Whales (Americanus Obesitus), the creature is often found near a local fast food restaurant, or at the sea, wanting to go back with its fellow species.

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