What the fuck?
“What the fuck?”
“WHAT THE FUCK?!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAH”
“What the fuck? Who Fuckin' Cares???”
“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”
"What the fuck?," abbr. WTF?, is a phrase used as a self defence mechenism to convey when a human is about to suffer from a BSOD and to avoid said BSOD while trying to understand a concept that is downright stupid or to convey a sense of missunderstanding or annoyance in a situation.
for exxample. "casey lick my balls in union centre"...WTF?
It is often used as a human's natural way to defend themselves against anything weird, e.g. on your way to home you see someone lashing his car or at the medical clinic when you see a cow staring right in your eyes from a window.
"What the fuck?" is the earliest known expression of exasperation and/or surprise, first discovered in ancient scrolls buried deep within the anchient librarys of Mesopotamia. Before the discovery of the lost scrolls, it was simply assumed that "What the fuck?" should be attributed to Bertrand Russell, though there is no evidence, beyond semen stains, to support this claim.
The discovery of the texts themselves is even more remarkable when one considers both Lewis AND Clark suffered from syphilis, Lou Gehrig's Disease and chronic, untreatable bedsores. These afflictions rendered the explorers unable to read a map or masturbate, and it is a greatly-known fact that, in actuality, the two were just trying to get a decent meal in a place that would accommodate the reality of their love. Failing to find Mesopotamia, both men settled on Egypt, which they felt had a storied history of both homosexuality and food consumption. After an acrimonious break-up, Clark returned to play first base for the Giants, and Lewis, unable to cope with the loss of such a great clutch player, self-immolated in a public swimming pool. How he managed to do so is still subject to debate.
Though its use has declined with the advent of such expressions as "What's your fucking problem, asshole?," "Not cool, dude," and "Holy fucking shit! Look at that shit! You ever seen any shit like that before in your whole fucking LIFE?," it remains a popular saying among the elderly and Mormons. This is cause for concern, as the two groups have never been BFFs, and bloody wars have been fought over claims to "What the fuck?"'s provenance. Even God weighed in, weightily advising both groups to "get a hobby besides dying and tricycles," though like all of God's commands, it was mostly ignored.
Right now you should be saying "What the FUCK" in your head. Oh yeah. Its that feeling
Remember, in case of a fire, put the pancakes in the oven and light the sparrow on fire. Always use caution when dealing with the green-purple hippos.
The ancient Mesopotamians were the first to utilize "What the fuck?" as an all-purpose expression of disdain, but, paradoxically, also as a form of "I do" in marriage ceremonies. It fell into disfavor after a tribal chieftan was accidentally dismembered while attempting to use it to harvest potatoes. This cycle of use and disuse would repeat itself throughout the centuries.
The ancient Oregonians used it as a mystical incantation to ward off the evil spiritual machinations of their animistic gods; as a result, they were all killed in 1066 when the real God finally had it up to here with their bullshit and secured the cooperation of the Duke of Normandy to put the whole lot of them to the sword. While the wholesale slaughter of thousands of innocent men, women and children was unfortunate, it also made for great television, and the Duke shortly thereafter found himself the host of what would become the highest-rated, longest-running TV show of the entire Dark Age, "Verily, I Ask, Who Wisheth to Slay a Blasphemer?" The phenomenal success of the program, due to its creative and humorous methods of executing the losing contestants, caused "What the fuck?"'s adherents to be driven underground. They subsisted on roots and grubs, rarely coming to the surface except to mate and wash their clothes. A rapid, incomplete conversion to Mormonism in the early 1670s ensured that most of "What the fuck?"'s hardcore sympathizers were killed in grisly tricycle accidents, while the unconverted simply grew old, hence its current prevalence with both groups. FUCK The television show also had an effect opposite of what it intended, which was to spread knowledge of "What the fuck?" to kingdoms and lands near and far. Its passage around the globe was greatly aided by its multi-purpose utility, and by the way it just rolls off the tongue. While it did achieve worldwide ubiquity, its global decline was more or less coeval with the decline in numbers of its primary advocates, the Mormons and the elderly. Today, it is seldom used outside those circles. However, history has demonstrated "What the fuck?"'s cyclic patterns of use, and it remains to be seen whether it will experience a resurgence of popularity in contemporary times.
"What the fuck?" is most commonly used during sexually activities involving shovels, coffins and on occasion a recently captured duckdivorce arbitration. It is also rumored to make an excellent salad dressing and buffalo-wing dip, and has documented usage as a home remedy for pain relief, such as in the instance of a stubbed toe. Less commonly, but more stupidly, it is used as an abortifacient by the gullible, as its frenzied repetition by a pregnant individual is purported to spontaneously detach an embryo from the uterine wall. However, this can only be accomplished by clutching one's belly and choking out the words between racking sobs.
While the Abbreviation of What the Fuck normally being WTF there are many other variants of WTF that may be come acrross such as:
- Who the fuck
- Where The fuck
- When the fuck
- Why the fuck
- And In ethnic slang the words "who, what, where, when and why" before "The" & "Fuck" can be dropped.
Ex: The fuck is wrong with you??
"What the fuck?" should not be used by those under 5'1" due to the utter hilarity of angry short people. Or, maybe it should ONLY be used by those under 5'1". Either way, children should not be permitted use of "What the fuck?" except in cases of molestation or socks from Grandma, or Grandma molesting you with socks. Pregnant women should consult a doctor before using, but don't tell them that. Do not exceed 12 exclamations in 24 hours. If symptoms persist, contact your stockbroker and tell that cocksucker he should've bought Halliburton BEFORE the war. Asshole.
Famous utterances of "What the fuck?"
God, in the beginning
Those people from Atlantis, when their land sunk into the ocean, somewhere around 5500 BC
Jesus, Golgotha, AD 30
Jesus, three days later, AD 30
A bunch of Romans, Pompeii, August 24, AD 79
King George III, England, July 4, 1776
General Lee, Appomattox Court House, Virginia, April 9, 1865
John F. Kennedy, Dallas, November 22, 1963
Unborn Babies, The Supreme Court Building, January 22, 1973
WTF is what your mother says to you when you fuck her
Al Gore, November 7, 2000
Saddam Hussein, Tikrit, December 13, 2006
Christian Bale, on the set of Terminator Salvation, July 2008