Why?:When hunger turns into famine, babies are born
Upon the grumbling and growling of Jane's unbelievably flat (and sexy) stomach, she began to wonder why exactly this sexy beast of a body part makes such a fittingly sexy noise. Thus, to the dictionary she turned, for the dictionary is the Bible of nerds and if you do not follow it most diligently you will be molested by a computer mouse and struck down by a virus when your eating pizza at 12:08 and 30 seconds on the nearest 30th of February. Well. That's what her computers teacher told her. This however, is another story. So to the dictionary Jane jumped (the South African POCKET dictionary by the way) and this is what glorious wisdom it had to offer - "a feeling of discomfort and a need to eat caused by lack of food." Hmmm. An interesting definition by Jane's standards. However, the second quote interested far more - "a strong desire."
So Jane looked up "masturbate" and giggled.
But alas, her hunger for knowledge was still a strong desire. While trying to find bigger and better dictionaries to retrieve the answer from, she suddenly remembered a book she had been given when she was 10 called, "I Wonder Why My Tummy Rumbles." Eureka! This must hold the answer, for kiddies knowledge books are like tree orgasms. Well. That's what her computers teacher told her. And how he knew what a tree orgasm felt like, she did not really want to know. Inside of this glorious tree orgasm, Jane found the following - "When your tummy has been empty for a few hours, it fills up with air-like stuff called gas. Your tummy may then start the sort of squashing and mashing movements it usually makes when there's food inside it. These squeeze the gas, and it makes a rumbling noise - a bit like thunder!"
Who the fuck wrote that? If Jane's stomach cracked thunder every time she was hungry, she'd piss herself.
Jane sighed. Not the dictionary, nor the kiddies knowledge book could help Jane in her quest to know why her sexy demon of a stomach growls. Thus, she visited Haboshishi, the Sangoma! (Or traditional healer / witch doctor for you dumbass faggots who lost all the IQ you managed to scrape together through heavy drugs and too much wanking.)
So, to Haboshishi Jane flew (her mother was a pellican) and she asked him,
"Haboshishi the Sangoma! Tell me wise one, why does my sexy stomach grumble when I am hungry?"
And so he replied,
"Haibo, my child, your stomach rumbles because your are pregnant with a thing called...THE FAMINE BABY!"
OH NOES! NOT THE FAMINE BABY!
"But Haboshishi, how can this be? I am a virgin!"
"Yeah, and so is my ass!"
That is not something Jane really wanted to know either.
"What is a FAMINE BABY oh great Haboshishi?" Jane inquired. She was rather confused at this point in time. She is definitely a virgin, well the last time she checked she was, so maybe she's having a 'Virgin Mary' type vibe? Except titled 'Virgin Jane'? She then decided that if she was, she would definitely not call the baby Jesus because, 'thats sooooo 2000 years ago!'
Back in reality, Haboshishi replied,
"A FAMINE BABY is a baby that is implanted in anorexic faggots and once born steals everyone's shoes and uses them as pot plant holders for growing illegal substances!"
Jane was mortified.
"I am mortified!"
And so she left Haboshishi the Sangoma mortified.
Don't be anorexic or you'll give birth to a famine baby who'll be an ungrateful eco-friendly bitch and steal everyone's shoes and use them as pot plant holders for growing illegal substances.