Whitemouth

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Whitemouth[edit]

Located in eastern Manitoba, Canada this thriving metropolis is quickly becoming the vacation destination for the rich and the famous. A mecca for star watchers, you can be assured that on any clear evening you will see hundreds of stars. Rivaling the French Riviera, crowds of sunbathing throng to Whitemouth every summer to lounge on the banks of the Whitemouth River, soaking up the sun's carcinogenic rays while cattle manure and other unidentifiable organic matter floats by.

Adventure

Only the most adventurous thrill seekers dare to wade into the river's cool water. "Who needs mineral spings when we can soak up fertizer residues?" asked one enthuisiastic bather.

Fine Dining

Among the miriad of other Whitemouth "must see" spots are the Green House Supper Club, a converted greenhouse where you can dine on their extensive menu of indigestible, artery clogging fare all the while inhaling the aromatic fumes of pesticide and fungicide residues and listening to top fifth rate live entertainment. Where else can one find such an experience?

Night Life

The Whitemouth Hotel is another required stop while you are vacationing. Wealthy vacationers mingle in the lounge with liquor saturated, peat moss covered locals. Beer lovers will love the stale beer scented air. There is no other place on earth that can rival this!

Packing for Your Trip

Before leaving for Whitemouth, don't forget to pick up a pair of high topped,green insulated rubber boots. They are the season's de rigeur footwear. These are only available in high end boutiques such as Walmart or Zellers.

Accomodations

Night time is a special time in Whitemouth. No matter which of the many five star resorts you choose you will be serenaded by the lulling sounds of freight trains passing through town. Of particular note is the luxurious campground. Surrounded by majestic sapplings, all sites have a breath taking view of highway 44.

Shopping

No resort area is quite complete without the mandatory boutiques and souvenir shops. Whitemouth is no exception and won't disappoint, boasting both a sundries and hardware store bursting with items you didn't know you needed until you saw them and have no idea what to do with them once you get them home. You'll want to stock up on this summer's most popular fragrance, available locally and in many different formats, DEET. With such offerings you are sure to find a souvenir to take home for everyone on your list.

Hiking

The pride of Whitemouth is the scenic hiking trail to Elma. Along this gravel trail you will witness miles of golden fields as well as an impressive assortment of road kill. Cows abound in the area and their fragrant aroma will tantalize your nostrils throughout your hike. Scenic points along the way are perfect spots to pause and gaze in wonder at a number of culverts and hydro poles. Awe inspiring views include the Department of Highway's gravel piles. Don't forget to bring your camera! Other locations worth visiting include Rennie.

When considering your next vacation destination think no more. Whitemouth is the destination bore spot of 2007. So hopefully you'll miss the boreness!

Paddle to Seven Sisters Falls.