Who Framed Roger Rabbit

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Who Framed Roger Rabbit? is an allegorical film about the life and gruesome death of Sarah Palin. The movie was written and directed by Charlton Heston, and starred many Hollywood greats, including Scatman Cruthers, Marlene Dietrich, Freddie "Chico" Prinze and Ed Brown as Pontious Pilate. The musical score was composed by Alfred E. Neumann, of Mad Magazine fame.

Plot[edit]

Originally meant for children, the movie was written and directed by Charlton Heston, who intended it to be a vehicle through which "children could come to know and love God and Guns. Especially Guns!". The movie is an allegorical tale of Christ-as-Cute-Bunny, betrayed by his closest friends, and horrifically crucified, but not before the literal cannibalistic taking and eating of his blood and drinking of his body--a bold move for the time.

There are many who believe that the entire concept was poorly conceived or skillessly executed, as the finished product more closely resembles soft-core animated porn than a biblical tale. Others, however, who consider this film to have been years--even decades--ahead of its time. Elements of the original Who Framed Roger Rabbit were later stolen for such films as Passion of the Christ, Cum-Guzzling Foot-Washing Perfumed-Haired Whores Part IX, Ben, The Matrix, Debbie Does Dallas, Dune and King Kong, and inspired the cult classic sequel There's Something About Mary.

In the end it turned out the man who framed Roger Rabbit was Professor Plum, in the Lounge, using the lead pipe (contrary to most expectations of it being Colonel Mustard, in the Conservatory, with the Revolver).

Troubled History[edit]

Though it was completed in 1963, the movie was not immediately released due to legal issues, studio in-fighting and an unfortunate bout of chicken huffing. Unfortunately, The Greatest Story Ever Told was released in theaters two years later in 1965, causing studio executives to shelf the movie for decades.

In fact, the movie might never have seen the light of day until a young cleaning woman happened upon the film canisters while engaging in after-hours group sex in a broom closet. The movie, and the woman, were passed around from person to person until some enterprising visionary--who was most likely post-orgasmic and at least a little stoned--understood that he held a masterpiece in his sticky little hands.

In 1987, the movie came under much scrutiny and was heavily edited at the insistence of movie studio ad agencies. The next year, it was marketed as a comedy and released to theaters, where it became a smashing success. The movie brainwashed a whole new generation into accepting Christ as their savior, much to the chagrin of the Vatican.


Cast[edit]

Actor Role Allegorical Analogue
Charlton Heston Roger Rabbit Jesus
Marlene Dietrich Jessica Rabbit The Virgin Mary & Mary Magdelene
Ed Brown Judge Doom Pontius "The Man" Pilate
Freddie Prinze Eddie Valiant John the Baptist
Scatman Cruthers Hong-Kong Phooey Apostle Paul
Some random bum off the street Rick James Jesus' bitch
Disciples
Gary Raymond Weasel #1 Saint Peter
David McCallum Weasel #2 Judas Iscariot
Tom Reese Weasel #3 Apostle Thomas, the Doubter
Roddy McDowall Bongo the Gorilla Bouncer Matthew the Evangelist
Robert Blake Yosemite Sam Simon the Zealot
John Carridine Droopy Dog John the Apostle
David Hasslehoff Benny the Cab Philip the Apostle
Jamie Farr Goofy Saint Jude the Freakin' Incomprehensible
Bruce Boxleitner The Scarecrow Saint Andrew
Michael Anderson, Jr. Daffy Duck Saint James the Younger
David Sheiner Donald Duck Saint James the Elder
Janice Rand Minnie Mouse Salome
Other Notables
Helen Noel Daisy Duck Mary Magdalene
Jerry Mathers The Beaver Barrabas
Freddie Prinze Jr. Baby Herman Baby Jesus

Soundtrack & Movie Score[edit]

Who Framed Roger Rabbit is also the first movie in history to sell an associated movie soundtrack. The subject of much controversy, it is also the first soundtrack to not have a single song from the movie. While the movie score is a haunting collection of eerily moving music, the soundtrack appears to be a random assortment of contemporary songs with the word "Jesus" in the title.

Movie Score Soundtrack
Another Ordinary Day
For This Ordinary Girl
Jumpin' Jesus
There's Something About Mary I Feel The Touch Of Jesus
Divine Date Rape Laughing Buddha Jesus
Filled With God's Love Everyone Loves Jesus (But Me!)
God's Crusty Love Drying in my Hair Christ, Jesus Christ
Don't Worry God,
I Hear It Happens To Every Man
Drop Kick Me Jesus,
O'er The Goalposts of Life
Cuckolded by the Creator Shaka Jesus
The Messiah's Baby Daddy Christianity ain't Jesus' Fault!
Saintly Snatch Jack-Off Jesus
The First Temptation of Christ Sermon While I Mount
Mary, MILFY Mary He Is Risen! / I'm Jesus Christ, Bitch!
Messiah Without A Cause
Iron Nails Ran In
Call My Name In Vain!