Whores-drawn carriage

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An early design of a Whores-Drawn Cart. The whores are twin sisters bred for the purpose of pulling large carts such as this one

A Whores-drawn carriage is similar to the horse-drawn ones except with whores instead of horses. At the end of each ride, the whore is required to give a blow job, or whatever else the man riding in or driving the carriage wants. The whores who drive these carriages are never in short supply, as you can pick one up at any dark alleyway. However, to be fair (and because the law stipulates), the whores who drive the carts do have to fit into one of these categories:

  • In need of, or at least enjoy, money
  • Love the taste of hay
  • Are very willing to give a blow job on command
  • May have been, or will be, a porn star
  • Must neigh when whipped


In the early to mid-fifteenth century, a number of animal rights activists began to campaign against the use of animals to pull carts and rickshaws around urbanised areas. Due to an absurd amount of political lobbying, Parliament, chaired by one Pippin McSpiffsworth, decided that using animals in such a manner was illegal.

Due to an astonishing lack of foresight, as Parliament was called out of session the politicians realised that they were now incapable of retreating to their countryside estates.

In a bold and daring move, Parliament re-assembled (which wasn't too much of a chore due to them all still being there because they couldn't get home) and called in the animal rights activists to decide upon a safe and humane course of action.

“Lets use those whores, they don't have any other good use”

~ Parliament on Whores

It is a well known fact that the rights of people are often ignored by such fringe political groups, and it was decided that whores should be used to draw the carts and carriages in a similar manner to Rickshaws (popularised at the time by the German expressionist poets. It was a tough decision to reach, with many minority social groups such as immigrants and tramps being rejected as being un-politically correct (and, in the case of tramps, many had dogs) and were animal rights activists themselves). Thus, to accommodate everyone's opinions and wishes, they created the first whores-drawn carriages.

Modern resurgence[edit]

A return to Whores-drawn carriages begun after the rising price of petro. Whores are advantageous to cars, as they do not consume gasoline but instead run on good intentions. This gives them an effective Infinite mpg rating by the Transportation Bureau. To stay so skinny, whores typically are bulimic, and do not eat or drink anything except hay and flavored water, which they usually vomit up upon reaching a bathroom. However, price fixing is expected to raise the cost of hay and water in the near future as whore-drawn carriages become more common.

The WDC, as it is called by public transportation fans around the world, has the potential to destroy the modern economy of America. Gas Stations, a common meeting point for whores and johns, will go out of business as WDCs gain market acceptance. This will result in Gas Stations being converted into Whore Depots to provide ample room for lunch breaks, blow jobs, and the like.

Hybrid Whores[edit]

A movement has also begun to adopt transsexual whores for use in whore-drawn carts. These hybrid whores allow for increased usage of hybrids in marketing and for articles in consumer magazines. The so far unsuccessful movement tries to improve acceptance of both the whore-drawn carriage and the transsexual whore, who have been banned in the Southern United States and in the Dakotas. Hybrid whores are working hard to improve customer satisfaction, but many remain in the closet, and assume traditional gender roles when not providing their services.

Whores-drawn Carriages vs. Whoresless Carriages[edit]

In 1905 the invention of Whoresless Carriages caused a major crisis in the Whores-Drawn industry. Once again whores were reduced to giving oral sex in dirty alleys instead of being an integral part of the transportation system. As the Whoresless Carriage slowly evolved into the modern automobile, the whore lobbying industry made attempt after attempt to convince various members of Parliament to lessen their burden, but most of them merely ended up lessening the politicians burdens, and no progress was made to revert back to whore powered transit.

Finally, at a party in 1999, Lord Hugh Rectivous was suddenly filled with inspiration. These new Whoresless Carriages could be used to provide a cleaner environment for prostitutes to practice their trade. Instead of delivering the customer to a remote location, the customer would provide their own ride! Word of the brilliant idea spread round the world, and on January 1, 1920, man and whore had back seat sex for the very first time.

While older members derided this new, immoral act, young people embraced the idea with passion, and the fight to outlaw automobiles in favor of sex workers was finally laid to rest.