Why?:Clint Eastwood And The Grue
About,what..five--ten minutes ago? What?! An hour? Joe,your watch is broken! How do I know mine isn't the broken one?! Screw you,Joe! Anyhow,it was a random amount of time ago,in a house about twenty-some odd blocks from here....
Clint Eastwood And The Grue
CLINT was fighting his endless war on crime and trademark infringment,when suddenly he was transported to an alien world by his arch nemmesis,COUNT MATTHEW LESKO. CLINT is in a room with walls...
The Room With Walls
He was staring at the wall and the wall was staring at him."Now yer lookin' to pick a fight with the best starer in the galaxy,so I guess ya got ask yourself a question..",Clint lit a cig for no apparent reason."..do ya feel lucky? Well,wall,do ya?",After five seconds Clint snapped and started shootin' up da place with his six-shooter."AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!",He yelled ferociously.Then,out of nowhere a ghost dinosaur flew in Clint's brain."AAAAAAAAA! There's a dinosaur in my mind! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!",Clint rammed his head into the wall countless times."DKJFKFJDJDJJKJIOJDOGJROJRIJGI%I!%!!!!!!",the dinosaur roared.Suddenly Eastwood's head exploded in a fury."FREEEEEEEEEEEEDOM!",Yelled the ghost dinosaur,reaping it's final revenge.Meanwhile Clint Eastwood had to go....BAD!Reeeeeely Bad! But!...The room had walls! Clint needed to go,but where? There was no toilet! What to do,what to do. As the time began ticking away,Clint slowly went insane.First,it started with minor delusions of a battle between Rambo and puppies,the concept was so insane he became more insane.Second,he drifted into a coma,where he met his future son,Goku Eastwood."Dad,you're really tripping out. Just chill,okay?",Goku said to his father."But...but....there's nowhere to go to the bathroom!"
"There's no one around,except for...that wall.C'mon it doesn't it look...uh..um...pissful?"
"Public urination is against the law!"
"The law?? I AM the law!!!"
"No,I'm the law!",Clint screamed in anger.
"The law? I! I AM THE LAW!",Judge Dredd suddenly burst through the wall with his deadly motorcycle."Grrr,he's right. He IS the law."",Clint told his son.
"Yeah,he also IS a minor delusion,now just go,okay?!! If ya can't trust a delusional image of your future son,who CAN you trust?!"
"Good point.",Quickly Clint broke out of his coma and.....
Clint Has To Go
The wall made a sound,a very detestable,vile evil,and copywrited sound,so,unfortunetly,it went," ".Wow,creepy,huh? Anyways,after this,the wall grew razor sharp teeth which slowly began to form a mouth,finally it opened and..."AAUGH!",An alien was impaled on it's bloody teeth,they sank slowly into the alien,"Aaw,Crap! General,the door is jammed!",yelled the alien.
"Press the green button!",The General yelled back.
"There IS no green button,it's an evil mouth,remember?"
"Oh....Oh yeah,right. Why did we put that there?"
"You--Wait,no.---oh!--No,no,no..the---no...Y'know I have no freaking clue."
"Alright,I'll have Chuck Norris smack the wall upside the head until it gets a door next week."
"It doesn't HAVE a head."
"If Chuck Norris says it does,it will."
Meanwhile,Clint was unaware of the events taking place,as once again psychosis had swallowed him into fearful nervous break down sort of thing.He kept shaking and throwing his arms in different directions.Every fifth minute,he would also go,"AAAAAAAAAGH!",Rather loud and rudely.He had done this seventeen times until the Minor Alien told him to shut his goddamn mouth,Clint obeyed."Listen,Clint,an evil mountain grue pillages our land and rapes our DVD players.He is lawless,Clint.So Clint,with your trigger-finger so itchy,won't you guide our slaying tonight?"
"Consider it done."
Chess With James Bond
"Let us begin...?",Bond asked."Eastwood. CLINT Eastwood.",Eastman replied.On the first move,Bond used magnifying glass on his opponents Judas Priest Arch-Bishop.Clint thunk hard,very hard."Donut takes Queen.",And then Bond thunk,"Growl.Twice.Fire.Soda.Pedophile.Cheese.Dr.Suess.",It seemed Bond was using the old 'random string of words' defense."LAAAAR!",Clint got his George Foreman Grill and moved it forty-six spaces,but James's T-Rex killed it. Only five pieces were on the board: Eastwood: Bond: King King Steve Irwin Cheese Pepsi
James Bond's spirit was crushed,only one strategy could be applied,The James Bond.James pointed a gun at Clint's head."AAAAAAAAAAAAA!",Clint threw the board amd a bar-brawl ensued. Clint had won.Basically.
"Now you gotta fight the grue.",said Alien.
"K'.",said Clint.Then they chucked him through a wall and into a colliseum."I,Grue.You,Jane.",yelled the ferocous Grue.Eastwood tried using The James Bond Gun,but Grue was mighty.Clint switched into his mighty morphin' mode.Grue got mad and killed people.Finally,Clint used the Almighty Blade Of Chuck Norris and kille the mighty grew in one strike.And then,Joe died,he was a jerk.
Clint now resides in Hawaii with Godzilla and kills people.Many new and sucktastic adventures may or may not await him.