Why?:Oscar Wilde's Guide to Being Emo
Oscar Wilde's Guide to Being Emo is virtually every Emo's sacred text. Every emo has a copy next to his or her cutting razors.
Chapter 1 - The Basic Emo
The official colors of Emos are RED and BLACK. Actually, forget red. Just black.
Every emo needs a good depressing outfit. Stores such as Hot Topic sell many items.
A Basic Emo's Outfit is made up of:
- Women's Jeans that are two sizes too small.
- A Satanic Pentagram Necklace.
- An Emo Rock band t-shirt (preferrably Green Day or Hawthorne Heights).
- Black Converse shoes.
- A black studded belt (used to secure your women's jeans well below your ass)
Now that you've got yourself a nice outfit, you need a good look.
First, go to the store and get the darkest, or most outlandish, maroon hair dye you can find. Dye it, and grow your hair long in the front.
Brush your hair over your left eye, and put the rest to the side. It is important to ensure that this impares your vision substantially and allows you to glare out from beneath a lanky fringe.
Chapter 2 - Cutting
First, you're going to need something with which to cut yourself. scissors seema good idea, . Also, you might want an old towel to wipe up the blood.
IMPORTANT HEALTH INFORMATION
If you decide to start cutting yourself, be sure to use a clean blade and sterilize the wound afterward, because trust me, you don't want a nasty infection like gonorrhea, wherein your body literally starts rotting.
Be sure to use a good antiseptic before, after, and even during. Also, burn your blades to kill bacteria.
Now, the first and easiest method is across the wrist, also known as "Across the Street". Make a nice incision straight across the wrist, where the butt of your palm meets your arm. Enjoy.
This technique is a little more tricky to master, since you have more area to cover. Make a nice clean cut down the middle of your arm. There ya go, just let it flow out a bit ... watch as all your troubles drip onto that old towel...
WHEN IN DOUBT, FOLLOW THE GREEN LINES.
Chapter 3 - Lifestyle
Repeat this 100 times while yanking on your dick and sucking eggs, or until you feel the urge to start cutting:
Life is a miserable contradiction. I hate life. I am depressed.
Another useful technique goes as follows:
1. Go to the bathroom.
2. Look in the mirror.
3. Think about someone killing your mother. (If you hate your mother, try thinking about how you will never get laid. In the history of the world. Ever.)
That's all there is to it!
There are many popular Emo bands and songs, such as:
- Blind from My Hair - by Counting Emos
- Stabby Rip Stab Stab - by Stabbers
- Fuck That Bitch, She Broke My Heart - by Abyss
- Puttin' On The Ritz - by Taco
- I Love You So Much I Want To Cut Myself - by Satanic Pentgram
- Me 'n My Sisters Jeans - by Bleeding Razors
- Radio - by Alkaline Trio
- I killed my girlfriend then she dumped me - by Blood Skull Vomit
- Black Hole - by No Escape
- I Cut myself in bed- by Burnt Wrists
- Tear Out My Black Despairing Heart Again - by Death to a Romance
- I'm really just a chav with a fringe - by Get A Life You Sad Fucking Chav Cunt
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