Why?:Oscar Wilde's Guide to Being Emo

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Overview[edit]

Oscar Wilde's Guide to Being Emo is virtually every Emo's sacred text. Every emo has a copy next to his or her cutting razors.

Chapter 1 - The Basic Emo[edit]

This is an ideal example

The official colors of Emos are RED and BLACK. Actually, forget red. Just black.


Every emo needs a good depressing outfit. Stores such as Hot Topic sell many items.

A Basic Emo's Outfit is made up of:

  • Women's Jeans that are two sizes too small.
  • A Satanic Pentagram Necklace.
  • An Emo Rock band t-shirt (preferrably Green Day or Hawthorne Heights).
  • Black Converse shoes.
  • A black studded belt (used to secure your women's jeans well below your ass)

Now that you've got yourself a nice outfit, you need a good look.

First, go to the store and get the darkest, or most outlandish, maroon hair dye you can find. Dye it, and grow your hair long in the front.

Brush your hair over your left eye, and put the rest to the side. It is important to ensure that this impares your vision substantially and allows you to glare out from beneath a lanky fringe.

Chapter 2 - Cutting[edit]

First, you're going to need something with which to cut yourself. scissors seema good idea, . Also, you might want an old towel to wipe up the blood.

IMPORTANT HEALTH INFORMATION[edit]

If you decide to start cutting yourself, be sure to use a clean blade and sterilize the wound afterward, because trust me, you don't want a nasty infection like gonorrhea, wherein your body literally starts rotting.

Across the Street

Be sure to use a good antiseptic before, after, and even during. Also, burn your blades to kill bacteria.

Technique 1[edit]

Now, the first and easiest method is across the wrist, also known as "Across the Street". Make a nice incision straight across the wrist, where the butt of your palm meets your arm. Enjoy.

Down the Road

Technique 2[edit]

This technique is a little more tricky to master, since you have more area to cover. Make a nice clean cut down the middle of your arm. There ya go, just let it flow out a bit ... watch as all your troubles drip onto that old towel...

Just remember:

WHEN IN DOUBT, FOLLOW THE GREEN LINES.

Chapter 3 - Lifestyle[edit]

Personality[edit]

Repeat this 100 times while yanking on your dick and sucking eggs, or until you feel the urge to start cutting:


Life is a miserable contradiction. I hate life. I am depressed.


Another useful technique goes as follows:

1. Go to the bathroom.

2. Look in the mirror.

3. Think about someone killing your mother. (If you hate your mother, try thinking about how you will never get laid. In the history of the world. Ever.)

4. Cry.

 That's all there is to it!

Music Choice[edit]

There are many popular Emo bands and songs, such as:


All Things Wilde: A listing of everything about Oscar Wilde
Biography

The Man - The Internet Meme - The Project - User Page - Other User Page - The Category - The Huge Category - Gallery - News - Stage Name

Other Oscars

Oscar Mayer - Oscar the Grouch - Oskar Schindler - Oscars

Enemies

Lord Byron - Joseph Ducreux - Samuel Johnson - Lord Salisbury - Mark Twain

Quotes

By Letter: A - B - C - D - E - F - G - H - I - J - K - L - M - N - O - P - Q - R - S - T - U - V - W - X - Y - Z - 0 — 9 - # ∩ ~ ...
Making up Oscar Wilde quotes - More Oscar Wilde quotes

Writings & Inventions

Girls Gone Wilde - I'm a Wilde Guy - The Importance of Being Earnest - The Most Quotable Smackdown of All Time -

The Picture of Dorian Gray - Seuss on Wilde - Wilde On - Wildeboys