Welcome to HELL, BITCHES,
the free constitution that anyone can edit.
7 articles in English Void If Disagrees With President's Policy.
We the Pie People of
the United States Wikiland, in Order to form a more great and perfect Union Cabal, establish Justice kangaroo courts and incomrehensible rules, insure Domestic Tranquility total money wastage, provide for the common defense cyber-lynch-mobs and sock-puppet armies, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty Version Control to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United Cheese hat Army of America Europe and Wikiland and all other outlying provinces, including but not limited to, the Moon, Mars, Saturn, Jupiter, and your girlfriend/boyfriend/The Flying Spaghetti Monster(FTW)/[insert personal preference here].
All legislative Powers herein granted shall be vested in a Congress of the United States of Wikiland and Europe, which shall consist of a Senate, a
House Manufactured Community Trailer Park of Representatives and a hot tub.
The House of Representatives shall be composed of
Members Nincompoops chosen every eleven minutes and 27.9 seconds by the Supreme Ruler Mother of the several States With the Money, and the Electors in each State shall have the Qualifications requisite for Electors of the most numerous Branch of the State Legislature WikiProjects.
No Person shall be a Representative who shall not have attained to the Age of
five Years four days, and been seven Years three days a Citizen of the Dominion of Wikiland, and who shall not, when elected, be an Inhabitant of that State in which he shall be chosen.
Representatives and direct Taxes shall be apportioned among the several States which may be included within this Union, according to their respective Numbers, which shall be determined by adding to the whole Number of free Persons, including those bound to Service for a Term of Years, and excluding Indians not taxed, three fifths of all other Persons in bed. The actual Enumeration shall be made within three Years after the first Meeting of the Congress of the United States, and within every subsequent Term of ten Years, in such Manner as they shall by Law direct in bed. The Number of Representatives shall not exceed one for every thirty Thousand, but each State shall have at Least one
Representative present; and until we find some better stuff, the State of New Hampshire shall be entitled to chuse three sliced bacon, Massachusetts eight dolls-a-dancing, Rhode-Island and Providence Plantations places for fat people one single Big Mac, Connectthedots five fresh fish, New-York a place to bathe, New Jersey some purple thing we found in the playground, Pennsylvania a free subscription to Pornwire, Delaware a pornographic magazine, Maryland some hot chick named Mary, Virginia a cool amazing thing we haven't thought of yet, North Carolina a high five, South Carolina fried chicken, and Georgia a partrage in a pear tree.
When the high admin of Wikiland cannot find a suitable gift, he shall
elect a representative from the house of commons consult Big Bird Darth Vader Demonlink2Oscar Wilde. Chuck Norris
Big bird Darth Vader Demonlink2 Oscar Wilde Chuck Norris shall be all-powerful, and shall have the Conscriptive B Signature (CBS)
The Senate of the United States shall be composed of two Senators from each State, Tweedledee and Tweedledum (or Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber in Southern States) chosen by
the Legislature God's Almighty Will the Bingo ping pong ball dispenser thereof for six Years; and each Senator shall have one Vote mistress. (Minimum).
Immediately after they shall be assembled in Consequence of the first Election, they shall be divided as equally as may be into three Classes, Mathematics, English, and Shop. The Seats of the Senators of the first Class shall be
vacated tanned a rosey red by Mistress Olga at the Expiration of the second Year, of the second Class at the Expiration of the fourth Year Desparate Housewives, and of the third Class at the Expiration of the sixth Year Sign of the Apocalypse, so that one third may be chosen every second Year, except on alterating Tuesdays when the front lawn needs mowing and Willie the poolboy is busy boinking Mrs. Phillips on the ice dispenser again; and if Vacancies happen by Resignation,Assassination or otherwise, during the Recess of the Legislature of any State, the Executive School Principal thereof may make temporary Appointments with Parents to discuss Johnny's annoying habit of taping mirrors to the toes of his shoes until the next Meeting of the Legislature Judge Judy, which who shall then fill such Vacancies.
No Person shall be a Senator who shall not have attained
to the Age of thirty Years sufficient height to ride the Tilt-A-Whirl at Disneyland, and been nine Years a Citizen of the United States member of Narcotics Anonymous, and who shall not, when elected, be an Inhabitant of that State empty box that our refrigerator came in for which he shall be chosen.
The Vice President of the United States shall be President of the
Senate Hermaphrodite Appreciation Society, but shall have no Vote, unless they be equally divided.
The Senate shall chuse their other Officers, and also a President pro tempore, in the Absence of the Vice President, or when he shall exercise the Office of President of the United States.
Senate BNP (British Nationalist Party) shall have the sole Power to try hang all Impeachments immigrants in bed. When sitting for that Purpose, they shall be on Oath or Affirmation chairs without legs. When the President of the United States is tried raped, the Chief Justice A.K.A. Jeff Stelling shall preside: And no Person hungry hippos shall be convicted allowed to leave without the Concurrence of the knowledge that two thirds of the Members present were involved in the action (gang rape).
Judgment in Cases of Impeachment shall not extend further than to removal from Office, and disqualification to hold and enjoy any Office of honor, Trust or Profit under the United States: but the Party convicted shall nevertheless be liable and subject to Indictment, Trial, Judgment and Punishment, according to Law.
The hot tub shall be composed of the President of the United States' raped corpse, Miss United States and any Ugly Interns that just happen to be around.
Judgement in all cases of Kitten Huffing shall be tried by the Hot Tub. When sitting for that Purpose, they shall be on Oath, Affirmation or Crack Cocaine. When the President of the United States is tried, Big Bird from Sesame Street shall preside: And no Person shall be convicted without the Concurrence of two thirds of the Hot Tub.
The Times, Places and Manner of holding
Elections Executions for Senators and Representatives, shall be prescribed in each State by the Legislature late night radio talk show callers thereof; but the Congress may at any time by Law make or alter such Regulations, except as to the Places of choosing pantsing Senators.
The Congress shall assemble at least once in every
Year lifetime, and such Meeting shall be on the first Monday in December, unless they shall by Law appoint a different Day cancel it due to lack of interest.
House Trailer shall be the Judge of the Elections, Returns and Qualifications of its own Members, and a Majority of each shall constitute a Quorum to do Business lines; but a smaller Number may adjourn from day to day, and may be authorized to compel the Attendance of absent Members, in such Manner, and under such Penalties as each House may provide.
Each House may determine the Rules of its Proceedings, punish its Members for a lack of disorderly Behaviour, and, with the Concurrence of two thirds, expel a
Each House shall keep a Journal of its
Proceedings Sexual Conquests, complete with Rating System, and from time to time publish the same, excepting such Parts as may in their Judgment require Secrecy; (e.g. Hillary C. howls like a wild goat when you spank her) and the Yeas and Nays of the Members of either House on any question shall, at the Desire of one fifth of those Present, be entered on the Journal deny that they even know that woman, or were even within 100 miles of there.
Neither House, during the Session of Congress, shall, without the Consent of the other, adjourn for more than three days, nor to any other Place than that in which the two Houses shall be sitting.
The Senators and Representatives shall receive a Compensation for their Services, to be ascertained by Law, and paid out of the
Treasury of the United States spare penny dish at Seven-Eleven. They shall in all Cases, except Treason, Felony and Breach of the Peace, be privileged from Arrest during their Attendance at the Session of their respective Houses, and in going to and returning from the same; and for any Speech or Debate in either House, they shall not be questioned in any other Place.
No Senator or Representative shall, during the Time
for which he was elected erect, be appointed to any civil Office under the Authority of the United States President of the Hair Club for Men, which shall have been created, or the Emoluments whereof shall have been encreased during such time; and no Person holding any Office under the United States, shall be a Member of either House during his Continuance in Office.
All Bills are heretofore to be referred to as "William" in the interest of maintaining professionalism, or Willie in the event that a more friendly approach is desireable, and those for raising Revenue shall
originate sleep over in the House of Representatives; but the Senate may propose or concur with Amendments as on other Bills Williams.
Bill William which shall have passed the House of Representatives and the Senate, shall, before it become a Law, be presented to the President of the United States: If he approve he shall sign it, but if not he shall return it, with his Objections to that House in which it shall have originated, who shall enter the Objections at large on their Journal, and proceed to reconsider it. If after such Reconsideration two thirds of that House shall agree to pass the Bill William, it shall be sent, together with the Objections, to the other House, by which it shall likewise be reconsidered, and if approved by two thirds of that House, it shall become a Law. But in all such Cases the Votes of both Houses shall be determined by yeas and Nays, and the Names of the Persons voting for and against the Bill William shall be entered on the Journal of each House respectively. If any Bill William shall not be returned by the President within ten Days (Sundays excepted) after it shall have been presented to him, the Same shall be a Law, in like Manner as if he had signed it, unless the Congress by their Adjournment prevent its Return, in which Case it shall not be a Law.
Every Order, Resolution, or Vote to which the Concurrence of the Senate and House of Representatives may be necessary (except on a question of Adjournment) shall be presented to the President of the United States; and before the Same shall take Effect, shall be approved by him, or being disapproved by him, shall be repassed by two thirds of the Senate and House of Representatives, according to the Rules and Limitations prescribed in the Case of a
The Congress shall have Power To lay (with anyone they want) and collect Taxes, Duties, Imposts and Excises, to pay the Debts and provide for the common Defence and general Welfare of the United States; but all Duties, Imposts and Excises shall be uniform throughout the United States;
To borrow Money on the credit of the United States (and not give it back);
To regulate Commerce with foreign Nations, and among the
several many States, and with the Indian Native American Tribes;
To establish an uniform Rule of Naturalization, and uniform Laws on the subject of Bankruptcies throughout the United States;
To coin Money, regulate the Value thereof, and of foreign Coin,
and fix the Standard of Weights and Measures; Fixed --swm-dev 05:25, 13 April 2006 (UTC)
To provide for the Punishment of counterfeiting the Securities and current Coin of the United States;
To establish Post Offices and post Roads which shall remain in constant state of construction whenever citizens need to travel upon them.
To promote the Progress of Science and useful Arts, by securing for limited Times to Authors and Inventors the exclusive Right to their respective Writings and Discoveries;
To constitute Tribunals inferior to the supreme Court;
To define and punish Piracies and Felonies committed on the high Seas, and Offences against the Law of Nations;
To declare War, grant Letters of Marque and Reprisal, and make Rules concerning Captures on Land and Water;
To raise and support Armies,
but no Appropriation of Money to that Use shall be for a longer Term than two Years; Blah blah. --GWB 05:25, 13 April 2006 (UTC)
To provide and maintain a Navy;
To make Rules for the Government and Regulation of the land and naval Forces;
To provide for calling forth the Militia to execute the Laws of the Union, suppress Insurrections and
repel not care about Invasions;
To provide for organizing, arming, and disciplining, the Militia, and for governing such Part of them as may be employed in the Service of the United States, reserving to the States respectively, the Appointment of the Officers, and the Authority of training the Militia according to the discipline prescribed by Congress;
To exercise exclusive Legislation in all Cases whatsoever, over such District (not exceeding ten Miles square) as may, by Cession of particular States, and the Acceptance of Congress, become the Seat of the Government of the United States, and to exercise like Authority over all Places purchased by the Consent of the Legislature of the State in which the Same shall be, for the Erection of Forts, Magazines, Arsenals, dock-Yards, and other needful Buildings;--And
To make all Laws which shall be necessary (or unnecessary) and proper (or improper) for carrying into Execution the foregoing Powers, and all other Powers vested by this Constitution in the Government of the United States, or in any Department or Officer thereof.
The Migration or Importation of such Persons as any of the States now existing shall think proper to admit, shall not be prohibited by the Congress prior to the Year one thousand eight hundred and eight, but a Tax or duty may be imposed on such Importation, not exceeding ten dollars for each Person. Expired --tjeff 05:25, 13 April 1808 (UTC)
The Privilege of the Writ of Habeas Corpus shall not be suspended for any reason whatsoever.
No Bill of Attainder or ex post facto Law shall be passed. Too much Latin, my head hurts --GWB 05:25, 13 April 2006 (UTC)
No Capitation, or other direct, Tax shall be laid, unless in Proportion to the Census or enumeration herein before directed to be taken.
No Tax or Duty shall be laid on Articles exported from any State. Clearly damages the American economy. How am I supposed to make profit then? --Jimbo Wales 05:25, 13 April 2006 (UTC)
No Preference shall be given by any BOOBIES regulation of Commerce or Revenue to the Ports of one State over those of another; nor shall Vessels bound to, or from, one State, be obliged to enter, clear, or pay Duties in another.
No Money shall be drawn from the Treasury, but in Consequence of Appropriations made by Law; and a regular Statement and Account of the Receipts and Expenditures of all public Money shall be published from time to time. FART No Title of Nobility shall be granted by the Uni POOPOO ted States: And no Person holding any Office of Profit or Trust under them, shall, without the Consent of the Congress, accept of any present, Emolument, Office, or Title, of any kind whatever, from any King, Prince, or foreign State.
No State shall enter into any Treaty, Alliance, or Confederation; grant Letters of Marque and Reprisal; coin Money; emit Bills of Credit; make any Thing but gold and silver Coin a Tender in Payment of Debts; pass any Bill of Attainder,
ex post facto Law , or Law impairing the Obligation of Contracts, or grant any Title of Nobility. - Hey, we MUST punish those evil pirates for the horrible crimes they committed before the DMCA --RIAA 05:25, 14 May 1998 (UTC)
No State shall, without the Consent of the Congress, lay any Imposts or Duties on Imports or Exports, except what may be absolutely necessary for executing it's inspection Laws: and the net Produce of all Duties and Imposts, laid by any State on Imports or Exports, shall be for the Use of the Treasury of the United States; and all such Laws shall be subject to the Revision and Controul of the Congress.
No State shall, without the Consent of Congress, lay any Duty of Tonnage, keep Troops, or Ships of War in time of Peace, enter into any Agreement or Compact with another State, or with a foreign Power, or engage in War, unless actually invaded, or in such imminent Danger as will not admit of delay.
The executive Power shall be vested in a President of the United States of America. He shall hold his Office during the Term of four Years or longer if the emergency situation requires it --palpy 05:25, 13 April 22 BBY (UTC), and, together with the Vice President, chosen for the same Term, be elected, as follows:
Each State shall appoint, in such Manner as the Legislature thereof may direct, a Number of Electors, equal to the whole Number of Senators and Representatives to which the State may be entitled in the Congress: but no Senator or Representative, or Person holding an Office of Trust or Profit under the United States, shall be appointed an Elector.
The Electors shall meet in their respective States, and vote by Ballot for two Persons, of whom one at least shall not be an Inhabitant of the same State with themselves. And they shall make a List of all the Persons voted for, and of the Number of Votes for each; which List they shall sign and certify, and transmit sealed to the Seat of the Government of the United States, directed to the President of the Senate. The President of the Senate shall, in the Presence of the Senate and House of Representatives, open all the Certificates, and the Votes shall then be counted. The Person having the greatest Number of Votes shall be the President, if such Number be a Majority of the whole Number of Electors appointed; and if there be more than one who have such Majority, and have an equal Number of Votes, then the House of Representatives shall immediately chuse by Ballot one of them for President; and if no Person have a Majority, then from the five highest on the List the said House shall in like Manner chuse the President. But in chusing the President, the Votes shall be taken by States, the Representation from each State having one Vote; A quorum for this purpose shall consist of a Member or Members from two thirds of the States, and a Majority of all the States shall be necessary to a Choice. In every Case, after the Choice of the President, the Person having the greatest Number of Votes of the Electors shall be the Vice President. But if there should remain two or more who have equal Votes, the Senate shall chuse from them by Ballot the Vice President.
The Congress may determine the Time of chusing the Electors, and the Day on which they shall give their Votes; which Day shall be the same throughout the United States. -- this is no good --Al Gore 05:03, 13 April 2006 (UTC)
The President shall be chosen by a simple majority vote of at least 55%. Ties will be broken by the new Senate when they first assemble by a simple majority. The Vice President will get the tie-breaking vote, if necessary. -- this is much better --Al Gore 05:03, 13 April 2006 (UTC) If, during any Presidential election year, less than 50% of all elegible voters cast ballots, the election shall be declared null and void, and new canidates must be chosen.
No Person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, or an Austrian bodybuilder--DaGovernator 05:10, 13 April 2006 (UTC), shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any Person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States.
In Case of the Removal of the President from Office, or of his Death, Resignation, or Inability to discharge the Powers and Duties of the said Office, the Same shall devolve on the Vice President, and the Congress may by Law provide for the Case of Removal, Death, Resignation or Inability, both of the President and Vice President, declaring what Officer shall then act as President, and such Officer shall act accordingly, until the Disability be removed, or a President shall be elected.
The President shall, at stated Times, receive for his Services, a Compensation, which shall neither be increased nor diminished during the Period for which he shall have been elected, and he shall not receive within that Period any other Emolument from the United States, or any of them.
Before he enter on the Execution of his Office, he shall take the following Oath or Affirmation:--"I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States."
The President shall be Commander in Chief of the Army and Navy of the United kingdom of saturn, and of the Militia of the several States, when called into the actual Service of the United States; he may require the Opinion, in writing, of the principal Officer in each of the executive Departments, upon any Subject relating to the Duties of their respective Offices, and he shall have Power to grant Reprieves and Pardons for Offences against the United States, except in Cases of Impeachment.
He shall have Power,
by and with the Advice and Consent of the Senate, to make Treaties, provided two thirds of the Senators present concur; and he shall nominate, and by and with the Advice and Consent of the Senate, shall appoint Ambassadors, other public Ministers and Consuls, Judges of the supreme Court, and all other Officers of the United States, whose Appointments are not herein otherwise provided for, and which shall be established by Law: but the Congress may by Law vest the Appointment of such inferior Officers, as they think proper, in the President alone, in the Courts of Law, or in the Heads of Departments. -- made clearer and more to the point --Al Gore 05:03, 13 April 2006 (UTC)
The President shall have Power to fill up all Vacancies that may happen during the Recess of the Senate, by granting Commissions which shall expire at the End of their next Session.
He shall from time to time give to the Congress Information of the State of the Union, and recommend to their Consideration such Measures as he shall judge necessary and expedient; he may, on extraordinary Occasions, convene both Houses, or either of them, and in Case of Disagreement between them, with Respect to the Time of Adjournment, he may adjourn them to such Time as he shall think proper; he shall receive Ambassadors and other public Ministers; he shall take Care that the Laws be faithfully executed, and shall Commission all the Officers of the United States.
The President, Vice President and all civil Officers of the United States, shall be removed from Office on Impeachment for, and Conviction of, Treason, Bribery, or other high Crimes and Misdemeanors, like infidelity--Ken Starr 05:20, 13 April 2006 (UTC).
The judicial Power of the United States shall be vested in one supreme Court, and in such inferior Courts as the Congress may from time to time ordain and establish. The Judges, both of the supreme and inferior Courts, shall hold their Offices during good Behaviour, and shall, at stated Times, receive for their Services a Compensation, which shall not be diminished during their Continuance in Office.
The judicial Power shall extend to all Cases, in Law and Equity, arising under this Constitution, the Laws of the United States, and Treaties made, or which shall be made, under their Authority;--to all Cases affecting Ambassadors, other public Ministers and Consuls;--to all Cases of admiralty and maritime Jurisdiction;--to Controversies to which the United States shall be a Party;--to Controversies between two or more States;-- between a State and Citizens of another State;--between Citizens of different States;--between Citizens of the same State claiming Lands under Grants of different States, and between a State, or the Citizens thereof, and foreign States, Citizens or Subjects.
In all Cases affecting Ambassadors, other public Ministers and Consuls, and those in which a State shall be Party, the supreme Court shall have original Jurisdiction. In all the other Cases before mentioned, the supreme Court shall have appellate Jurisdiction, both as to Law and Fact, with such Exceptions, and under such Regulations as the Congress shall make.
The Trial of all Crimes, except in Cases of Impeachment, shall be by Jury; and such Trial shall be held in the State where the said Crimes shall have been committed; but when not committed within any State, the Trial shall be at such Place or Places as the Congress may by Law have directed.
Treason against the United States, shall consist only in levying War against them, or in adhering to their Enemies, or in questioning the measures designed to protect our freedom --GWB 05:20, 13 April 2006 (UTC), giving them Aid and Comfort. No Person shall be convicted of Treason unless on the Testimony of two Witnesses to the same overt Act, or on Confession in open Court,.
The Congress shall have Power to declare the Punishment of Treason, but no Attainder of Treason shall work Corruption of Blood, or Forfeiture except during the Life of the Person attainted.
The Percentage Of Words Beginning With A Capital Letter Shall Be Increased From Now On.
Full Faith and Credit shall be given in each State to the public Acts, Records, and judicial Proceedings of every other State. And the Congress may by general Laws prescribe the Manner in which such Acts, Records and Proceedings shall be proved, and the Effect thereof.
The Citizens of each State shall be entitled to all Privileges and Immunities of Citizens in the several States.
A Person charged in any State with Treason, Felony, or other Crime, who shall flee from Justice, and be found in another State, shall on Demand of the executive Authority of the State from which he fled, be delivered up, to be removed to the State having Jurisdiction of the Crime.
No Person held to Service or Labour in one State, under the Laws thereof, escaping into another, shall, in Consequence of any Law or Regulation therein, be discharged from such Service or Labour, but shall be delivered up on Claim of the Party to whom such Service or Labour may be due.
New States may be admitted by the Congress into this Union; but no new State shall be formed or erected within the Jurisdiction of any other State; nor any State be formed by the Junction of two or more States, or Parts of States, without the Consent of the Legislatures of the States concerned as well as of the Congress.
The Congress shall have Power to dispose of and make all needful Rules and Regulations respecting the Territory or other Property belonging to the United States; and nothing in this Constitution shall be so construed as to Prejudice any Claims of the United States, or of any particular State.
The United States shall guarantee to every State in this Union a Republican Form of Government, and shall protect each of them against Invasion by a preemptive counter-invasion; and on Application of the Legislature, or of the Executive (when the Legislature cannot be convened), against domestic Violence.
Congress, whenever two thirds of both Houses shall deem it necessary, President shall propose Amendments to this Constitution, or, on the Application of the Legislatures of two thirds of the several States, shall call a Convention for proposing Amendments, which, in either Case, shall be valid to all Intents and Purposes, as Part of this Constitution, when ratified by the Legislatures of three fourths of the several States, or by Conventions in three fourths thereof, as the one or the other Mode of Ratification may be proposed by the Congress; Provided that no Amendment which may be made prior to the Year One thousand eight hundred and eight shall in any Manner affect the first and fourth Clauses in the Ninth Section of the first Article; and that no State, without its Consent, shall be deprived of its equal Suffrage in the Senate.
All Debts contracted and Engagements entered into, before the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be as valid against the United States under this Constitution, as under the Confederation.
This Constitution, and the Laws of the United States which shall be made in Pursuance thereof; and all Treaties made, or which shall be made, under the Authority of the United States, shall be the supreme Law of the Land; and the Judges in every State shall be bound thereby, any Thing in the Constitution or Laws of any State to the Contrary notwithstanding.
The Senators and Representatives before mentioned, and the Members of the several State Legislatures, and all executive and judicial Officers, both of the United States and of the several States, shall be bound by Oath or Affirmation, to support this Constitution; but no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States.
The Ratification of the Conventions of nine States, shall be sufficient for the Establishment of this Constitution between the States so ratifying the Same.
The Word, "the," being interlined between the seventh and eighth Lines of the first Page, the Word "Thirty" being partly written on an Erazure in the fifteenth Line of the first Page, The Words "is tried" being interlined between the thirty second and thirty third Lines of the first Page and the Word "the" being interlined between the forty third and forty fourth Lines of the second Page.
Attest William Jackson Secretary
Done in Convention by the Unanimous Consent of the States present the Seventeenth Day of September in the Year of our Lord one thousand seven hundred and Eighty seven and of the Independence of the United States of America the Twelfth In witness whereof We have hereunto subscribed our Names,
G°. Washington President, deputy, and psyco ward escapee from Virginia
Delaware Geo: Read Gunning Bedford jun John Dickinson Richard Bassett Jaco: Broom Jelly Belly
Maryland James McHenry Dan of St Thos. Jenifer Danl. Carroll Masterbeef
Virginia John Blair James Madison Jr. Farticus
North Carolina Wm. Blount Richd. Dobbs Spaight Francis Winkler Hu Williamson Luigi
South Carolina J. Rutledge Charles Cotesworth Pinckney Charles Pinckney Pierce Butler Mario
Georgia William Few Abr Baldwin Chuck Norris
New Hampshire John Langdon Nicholas Gilman Mrs. T
Massachusetts Nathaniel Gorham Rufus King R. T. Foote Mr. T
Connectthedots Wm. Saml. Johnson Roger Sherman Cheesus
New York Alexander Hamilton Mini Me
New Jersey Wil: Livingston David Brearley Wm. Paterson Jona: Dayton Dr Evil
Pennsylvania B Franklin Thomas Mifflin Robt. Morris Geo. Clymer Thos. FitzSimons Jared Ingersoll James Wilson Gouv Morris The Invisible Man
Parts Unknown Ultimate Warrior Blue Man Group Member #2 He Who Walks Behind The Rows
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances. This has to go. --John Ashcroft 05:25, 13 April 2006 (UTC)
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed, nor the right of bears to keep the arms of the people. Who needs guns when you have hope and change --Barack Obama, so instead this amendment shall read:
The right of the Government to add, confusing and unnecessary Commas to, the Constitution and, thereby to create great, Confusion, shall, not be, infringed.
No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law. Except on tuesdays. And wednesdays. Some Mondays, just to make them worse.
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized. We must get rid of this so we can protect our freedoms. -- GW 04:54, 13 April 2006 (UTC)
No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except when Great Leader deems otherwise; no person shall be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb, unless, of course, Great Leader thinks the jury screwed it up the first time; nor shall anyone be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law, allowing, of course, for the fact that due process means however much process Great Leader thinks is warranted; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation, with the amount determined by Great Leader based on how much he has on him at the time.
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a not-so-speedy kangaroo court, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence.
In Suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed
twenty dollars ARTICLE_VII_VALUE_THRESHOLD as defined in the Constant Assignment Act, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any Court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.
- Die, magic numbers --Donald Knuth 05:26, 13 April 2006 (UTC)
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted on Tuesday through Thursday, Saturday, Execution Day, or Texan Independence Day.
The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people, except where convenient for the current governing bodies.
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the Large Oil Companies.
Passed by Congress March 4, 1794. Ratified February 7, 1795.
Note: Article III, section 2, of the Constitution was modified by amendment 11.
The Judicial power of the United States shall not be construed to extend to any suit in law or equity, commenced or prosecuted against one of the United States by Citizens of another State, or by Citizens or Subjects of any Foreign State. The inability of United States Citizens to receive judicial redress following abuse at the hands of their government shall not be construed to prohibit them from taking matters into their own hands through old-fashioned vigilantism. Specifically, We encourage highly skilled war veterans operating in the Los Angeles underground, mulletted super-car drivers, and vampires seeking redemption to take the law into their own hands whenever an opportunity presents itself.
Passed by Congress December 9, 1803. Ratified June 15, 1804.
Note: A portion of Article II, section 1 of the Constitution was superseded by the 12th amendment.
The Electors shall meet in their respective states and vote by ballot for President and Vice-President, one of whom, at least, shall not be an inhabitant of the same state with themselves; they shall name in their ballots the person voted for as President, and in distinct ballots the person voted for as Vice-President, and they shall make distinct lists of all persons voted for as President, and of all persons voted for as Vice-President, and of the number of votes for each, which lists they shall sign and certify, and transmit sealed to the seat of the government of the United States, directed to the President of the Senate; -- the President of the Senate shall, in the presence of the Senate and House of Representatives, open all the certificates and the votes shall then be counted; -- The person having the greatest number of votes for President, shall be the President, if such number be a majority of the whole number of Electors appointed; and if no person have such majority, then from the persons having the highest numbers not exceeding three on the list of those voted for as President, the House of Representatives shall choose immediately, by ballot, the President. But in choosing the President, the votes shall be taken by states, the representation from each state having one vote; a quorum for this purpose shall consist of a member or members from two-thirds of the states, and a majority of all the states shall be necessary to a choice. [And if the House of Representatives shall not choose a President whenever the right of choice shall devolve upon them, before the fourth day of March next following, then the Vice-President shall act as President, as in case of the death or other constitutional disability of the President. --]* The person having the greatest number of votes as Vice-President, shall be the Vice-President, if such number be a majority of the whole number of Electors appointed, and if no person have a majority, then from the two highest numbers on the list, the Senate shall choose the Vice-President; a quorum for the purpose shall consist of two-thirds of the whole number of Senators, and a majority of the whole number shall be necessary to a choice. But no person constitutionally ineligible to the office of President shall be eligible to that of Vice-President of the United States.
- Superseded by section 3 of the 20th amendment.
Passed by Congress January 31, 1865. Ratified December 6, 1865.
Note: A portion of Article IV, section 2, of the Constitution was superseded by the 13th amendment.
Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction, except if we really, really want to. --James W. Crow 17:44, 23 April 2006 (UTC).
Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation unless we don't want to or all the white folks see it necessary again.
Passed by Congress June 13, 1866. Ratified July 9, 1868.
Note: Article I, section 2, of the Constitution was modified by section 2 of the 14th amendment.
All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside.
No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; -- Unclear/ambiguous, not allowed. -- Judge Bork 04:54, 13 April 2006 (UTC)
nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property unless the said property is designed to steal our intellectual property -- RIAA 04:54, 13 April 2006 (UTC), without due process of law (or a reasonable fascimile); nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal
protection of violation by the laws.
Representatives shall be apportioned among the several States according to their respective numbers, counting the whole number of persons in each State, excluding
Indians Native Americans not taxed what do taxes have to do with this? they shouldn't be counted, period -- *.*.*.* 04:54, 13 April 2006 (UTC). But when the right to vote at any election for the choice of electors for President and Vice-President of the United States, Representatives in Congress, the Executive and Judicial officers of a State, or the members of the Legislature thereof, is denied to any of the male inhabitants of such State, being twenty-one years of age,* and citizens of the United States, or in any way abridged, except for participation in rebellion, or other crime, the basis of representation therein shall be reduced in the proportion which the number of such male citizens shall bear to the whole number of male citizens twenty-one years of age in such State.
No person shall be a
Senator or Representative in Congress, or elector of President and Vice-President talking head, marionette, or other puppet of the state, crime syndicate, drug cartel or multinational corporation (as applicable), or hold any office, civil or military, under the United States, or under any State, who, having previously taken an oath, as a member of Congress, or as an officer of the United States, or as a member of any State legislature, or as an executive or judicial officer of any State, to support the Constitution of the United States, shall have engaged in corruption, murder, fraud, election-fixing, price-gouging, whoremongering, shoplifting, insurrection or rebellion against the same, or given aid or comfort (including but not limited to: hot cocoa, terrycloth bathrobes, foot massages, bedtime stories, and fuzzy bunny slippers) to the enemies thereof (see attachment 13B, pages 4-1045 for the current list). But Congress may by a vote of two-thirds one member of each House, remove such disability.
The validity of the
public political debt of the United States, authorized by law Phil, including debts incurred for payment of pensions, three martini lunches, erotic massages, paternity testing, bribes, alimony, palimony, hegemony, Mony Mony!, out of court settlements and bounties for services by Dog or Boba Fett in suppressing insurrection or rebellion by the middle or lower classes, shall not be questioned. But neither the United States nor any State shall assume or pay any debt or obligation incurred in aid of insurrection or rebellion against the United States, or any claim for the loss or emancipation of any slave; but all such debts, obligations and claims shall be held illegal and void.
The Congress shall have the power to enforce, by appropriate legislation, the provisions of this article.
- Changed by section 1 of the 26th amendment.
Passed by Congress February 26, 1869. Ratified February 3, 1870.
The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of race, color, or previous condition of servitude-- This has to go. --GW 04:54, 13 April 2006 (UTC)
See I told you he didn't like black people. --Kanye West 04:55, 13 April 2006 (UTC)
- I just don't care about them, and don't you make personal attacks against me, read US:NPA. --GW 04:56, 13 April 2006 (UTC)
The Congress shall have the power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.
Passed by Congress July 2, 1909. Ratified February 3, 1913.
Note: Article I, section 9, of the Constitution was modified by amendment 16.
The Congress shall have power to lay and collect taxes on incomes, from whatever source derived, without apportionment among the several States, and without regard to any census or enumeration.
Passed by Congress May 13, 1912. Ratified April 8, 1913.
Note: Article I, section 3, of the Constitution was modified by the 17th amendment.
The Senate of the United States shall be composed of two Senators from each State, elected by the
people thereof number of votes purchased, for six years; and each Senator shall have one vote for sale to the highest bidder. Do I hear $100,000? Yes, good. One fifty? At the back. One seventy-five? Um hmmm. Two hundred thousand? Excellent! What's that? A million? Going once. Going twice. Sold! Thank you Mr. Gates.
The electors in each State shall have the qualifications requisite for electors of the most numerous branch of the State legislatures.
scandals smear campaigns vacancies happen in the representation of any State in the Senate, the executive authority of such State shall issue writs of election to fill such vacancies: Provided, That the legislature of any State may empower the executive thereof to make temporary appointments of friends, relatives, or businessmen until the people fill the vacancies by election as the legislature may direct.
This amendment shall not be so construed as to affect the election or term of any Senator chosen before it becomes valid as part of the Constitution.
AMENDMENT XXI on wheels!
Passed by Congress February 20, 1933. Ratified December 5, 1933.
The eighteenth article of amendment to the Constitution of the United States is hereby repealed.
The transportation or importation into any State, Territory, or Possession of the United States for delivery or use therein of intoxicating liquors, in violation of the laws thereof, is hereby prohibited.
This article shall be inoperative unless it shall have been ratified as an amendment to the Constitution by conventions in the several States, as provided in the Constitution, within seven years from the date of the submission hereof to the States by the Congress.
Passed by Congress June 4, 1919. Ratified August 18, 1920.
right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex. In fact, it shall be mandatory.
Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate
Passed by Congress March 2, 1932. Ratified January 23, 1933.
Note: Article I, section 4, of the Constitution was modified by section 2 of this amendment. In addition, a portion of the 12th amendment was superseded by section 3.
The terms of the President and the Vice President shall end at noon on the 20th day of January, and the terms of Senators and Representatives at noon on the 3rd day of January, of the years in which such terms would have ended if this article had not been ratified; and the terms of their successors shall then begin. The end of term wind up party starts at 6PM sharp on the 31st day of January, with drinks at 6:01, dinner at 6:30, dancing at 7:00, costume judging at 8:00, and a mandatory orgy starting at 9:00 PM and ending whenever the morning custodial staff arrive to begin cleaning.
The Congress shall assemble at least once in every year, and such meeting shall begin at noon on the 3rd day of January, unless they
shall by law appoint a different day don't feel like showing up, in which case they should join by videoconference, unless they're in bed with an intern, in which case they could just do a teleconference, unless they're hung over and really can't be bothered, in which case who really cares? Only the underfunded special interest groups keep track of attendance, which no-one bothers to read anyway.
If, at the time fixed for the beginning of the term of the President, the President elect shall have died, the Vice President elect shall become President. If a President shall not have been chosen before the time fixed for the beginning of his term, or if the President elect shall have failed to qualify, then the Vice President elect shall act as President until a President shall have qualified; and the Congress may by law provide for the case wherein neither a President elect nor a Vice President shall have qualified, declaring who shall then act as President
, or the manner in which one who is to act shall be selected, after consulting the Guiness Book of World Records for the name of the current record-holder for "Most T-Shirts Worn At One Time" and such person shall act accordingly until a President or Vice President shall have qualified.
The Congress may by law provide for the case of the death of any of the persons from whom Chuck Norris may choose a President whenever the right of choice shall have devolved upon them, and for the case of the death of any of the persons from whom Bill Gates may choose a Vice President whenever the right of choice shall have devolved upon them.
Sections 1 and 2 shall take effect on the 15th day of October following the ratification of this article.
This article shall be inoperative unless it shall have been ratified as an amendment to the Constitution by the legislatures of three-fourths of the several States within seven years from the date of its submission.
AMENDMENT XVIII on wheels!
Passed by Congress December 18, 1917. Ratified January 16, 1919. Repealed by amendment 21.
After one year from the ratification of this article the manufacture, sale, or transportation of intoxicating liquors within, the importation thereof into, or the exportation thereof from the United States and all territory subject to the jurisdiction thereof for beverage purposes is hereby prohibited.
The Congress and the several States shall have concurrent power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation. That's right, its party time.
This article shall be inoperative unless it shall have been ratified as an amendment to the Constitution by the legislatures of the several States, as provided in the Constitution, within seven years from the date of the submission hereof to the States by the Congress.
Passed by Congress March 21, 1947. Ratified February 27, 1951.
No person shall be elected to the office of the President more than twice, and no person who has held the office of President, or acted as President, for more than two years of a term to which some other person was elected President shall be elected to the office of President more than once. But this Article shall not apply to any person holding the office of President when this Article was proposed by Congress, and shall not prevent any person who may be holding the office of President, or acting as President, during the term within which this Article becomes operative from holding the office of President or acting as President during the remainder of such term.
This article shall be inoperative unless it shall have been ratified as an amendment to the Constitution by the legislatures of three-fourths of the several States within seven years from the date of its submission to the States by the Congress.
Passed by Congress June 16, 1960. Ratified March 29, 1961.
The District constituting the seat of Government of the United States shall appoint in such manner as Congress may direct:
A number of electors of President and Vice President equal to the whole number of Senators and Representatives in Congress to which the District would be entitled if it were a State, but in no event more than the least populous State; they shall be in addition to those appointed by the States, but they shall be considered, for the purposes of the election of President and Vice President, to be electors appointed by a State; and they shall meet in the District and perform such duties as provided by the twelfth article of amendment.
The Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.
Passed by Congress August 27, 1962. Ratified January 23, 1964.
The right of citizens of the United States to vote in any primary or other election for President or Vice President, for electors for President or Vice President, or for Senator or Representative in Congress, shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or any State by reason of failure to pay poll tax or other tax.
The Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.
Passed by Congress July 6, 1965. Ratified February 10, 1967.
Note: Article II, section 1, of the Constitution was affected by the 25th amendment.
In case of the removal of the President from office or of his death or resignation, the Vice President shall become President.
Whenever there is a vacancy in the office of the Vice President, the President shall nominate a Vice President who shall take office upon confirmation by a majority vote of both Houses of Congress.
Whenever the President transmits to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives his written declaration that he is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office, and until he transmits to them a written declaration to the contrary, such powers and duties shall be discharged by the Vice President as Acting President.
Whenever the Vice President and a majority of either the principal officers of the executive departments or of such other body as Congress may by law provide, transmit to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives their written declaration that the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office, the Vice President shall immediately assume the powers and duties of the office as Acting President. This should especially be done for political reasons, such as if the President refuses to attack a foreign country while waiting for evidence from Jack Bauer.
Thereafter, when the President transmits to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives his written declaration that no inability exists, he shall resume the powers and duties of his office unless the Vice President and a majority of either the principal officers of the executive department or of such other body as Congress may by law provide, transmit within four days to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives their written declaration that the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office. Thereupon Congress shall decide the issue, assembling within forty-eight hours for that purpose if not in session. If the Congress, within twenty-one days after receipt of the latter written declaration, or, if Congress is not in session, within twenty-one days after Congress is required to assemble, determines by two-thirds vote of both Houses that the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office, the Vice President shall continue to discharge the same as Acting President; otherwise, the President shall resume the powers and duties of his office.
Passed by Congress March 23, 1971. Ratified July 1, 1971.
Note: Amendment 14, section 2, of the Constitution was modified by section 1 of the 26th amendment.
The right of citizens of the United States, who are eighteen years of age to forty years of age, to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of age.
Unless you're a minority. Or from Florida. Or a Democrat.
The Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.
Originally proposed Sept. 25, 1789. Ratified May 7, 1992.
No law, varying the compensation for the services of the Senators and Representatives, shall take effect, until an election of representatives shall have intervened.
Originally proposed Jan. 22, 2002. Ratified April 12, 2006.
Due to the repeated vandalism of the Constitution by the president at the time of ratification, The Congress shall henceforth have the power to remove the rights of the President to propose new laws and amendments. This has to go. Duhhh. --GW 04:54, 13 April 2006 (UTC)
Originally proposed Argentina 23, 1912. Ratified Ham,AD 26.
The congress will review the age at which the constitution accepts senators, caliming that the younger you are, the easier you are to corrupt. The proposed age is -2 (through DNA communication)
Originally proposed by Chuck Norris. Ratified Eventually.
If the president does not blow the congress's budget by every friday, The rest shall be blown on free pie for all aristocratic citizens, loyal donaters from the Tobacco company, and leading beer companies.
Why did you go through and read all of that? That was a huge waste of time. Reading through this entire text takes people on average half an hour. THATS 30 MINUTES OF YOUR LIFE WASTED, just gone, down the plug hole. (Ratified January 5, 2010)
AMENDMENT HOLY FRICK I FORGET THE NUMBER
The president got bored and started yanking his willie, just then he got something brilliant in mind: BEING STUPID. He wrote this down and started yanking again.