William Patrick Hitler

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“His last name is Hitler.”

~ Captain Obvious on Willy Hitler
Ja, Villiam war that short.

William Patrick Hitler, known also as Willy, was Adolf's beloved nephew. Although he was fond of his uncle, William loved Uncle Sam more and that's why he fought against Germany during WWII.

Early life[edit]

William was born in Liverpool in 1911. His father was Alois Hitler Junior, Adolf's half-brother, and his mother was Bridget Dowling, an Irish bitch woman. Alois went in Ireland a couple of years ago, in order to open a restaurant with german specialties.[1] They met incidentally in Dublin, outside a brothel named The Pink Flamingo.

William had a normal childhood. His mother was jobless, while his father used to beat 'em both. Aaahh... those pure years... Anyway, Willy made many friends in school, where he was called the freaky-whore's son-German boy. His uncle Adolf (for William he was always Uncle Adi) visited them often. He made Willy many gifts, such as a Teddy bear and Mein Kampf.

Life near Fuhrer[edit]

For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about William Patrick Hitler.

When William grew, he went to live with his uncle in Germany. Although, Adi loved his nephew he was an avowed bachelor and thus he didn't like this change. He demanded Willy to speak only German. Willy didn't speak German fluently and this made Adolf really angry. Also, they had completely different music tastes. Adolf prefered German artists, such as Luddy van B and Oomph!, while his nephew like disgusting British music, such as The Beatles.

Despite any differences they lived together in relative harmony. After Adolf's rise to power, things went worse though. Uncle Adi found his nephew a job in a bank and later at an Opel factory, but William was dissatisfied. Why should I work? I am Fuhrer's nephew!, he used to say. The biggest quarrel happened when they went to watch a friendly match between Dublin F.C. and Schalke. William, now depressed and upset, left his uncle and moved to England.

Life away from Fuhrer[edit]

In London, William became an emo and did some bad things.[2] He soon detoxified with his mother's help and they moved in U.S. He enlisted in the U.S. Navy an fought bravely in Berlin and Frankfurt. He used to tell everyone that Adolf was his uncle, but all of them laughed loudly.

When William went back to New York he married and had four children. Oh, accidentally their first son was named Alexander Adolf. He lived happily ever after.

People William loved[edit]

Footnotes (some people call 'em Handnotes)[edit]

  1. You know, Knödel, Bratwurst und and Pretzels
  2. Some people don't think drugs are bad