William Snakeshit (1066 - 2005), famous author, civil rights activist, homosexual, and man about town, is without a doubt the greatest author who ever lived. No, really. The greatest. I mean, THE GREATEST!!! No doubt about it. I'm not kidding. Nobody else even came close.
He wrote 56 plays, including Hamlet, Gone With the Wind, To Kill a Mockingbird, Catch 22 in the Rye, The Sound and the Fury, A Rememberence of Things Pasta (A la Recherche du Temps Fondu), A Farewell to Arms, and Macbeth. In addition, he wrote two plays in colaberation with Charles Beaumont and Fletcher Christian which, fortunately, have not survived.
William Snakeshit had no early life, being born in 1066 at the age of twenty-seven. He was born with a ruff around his neck, and he couldn't spell his own name, but he is still the greatest writer who ever lived. Really!
As an actor
There's no business like show business like no business I know. Everything about it is appealing, everything the traffic will allow. Nowhere can you get that happy feeling, that you are stealing an extra bow. There're no people like show people; they smile when they are low. Even with a turkey that you know will fold and leave you standing out in the cold and something something something so you will know this is satire and not violating the copyright of Oscar Fucking Hammerstein, you go on with the show.
As a civil rights activist
- First clown: "The black ram is tupping the white ewe, sirrah."
- Second clown: "Ew, that's gross. Does 'tupping' mean what I think it means?"
- First clown: "Better fuckin' believe it, nuncle."
- Second clown: "Hath not a Jew pork chops? If you fuck him, doth he not squeal? Hath not a Jew passions, desires, lust, A-bombs, more lust, foreskins, and pancakes, like any other man? Well, maybe not the foreskins. But all the rest of his equipment is in the right place, you better believe."
As a homosexual
You see, Snakeshit wasn't really gay. It's just that in those days, they had little boys dress up as grown up girls, who then played the parts of girls disguised as boys disguised as girls. In a situation like that, anybody could get confused.
As a playwright
The greatest. No doubt about it. Really.
Come to me, my melancholy baby.
The other plays
Time for somebody else to write some really funny stuff. But only if it is funny. And great. Really, really great.
- William Snakeshit, Complete Works, Classics Illustrated, New York, 1956. ISBN 1555534007
- Harold Bloom, Snakeshit is Really, Really, Really Amazingly Great, Pewter Press, Boston, 1776. ISBN 0275948501.
- ibid, No, Really. I'm not kidding., Pewter Press, Boston, 1777. ISBN 0275948502.
- Stephen Hawking, Why Consecutive ISBN Numbers are Impossible", Princeton University Press, Princeton, 2006, ISBN 0275948503.
- Mrs. Millicent Uddersoe, Thinking of Snakeshit While Soaking in a Long Hot Bath, Dave Allen & Stanley Unwin, London, 1985. ISBN 0861300165