Willie Nelson

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Willie Nelson, aka Nellie Wilson, aka The Red-Headed/Gingered Hillbilly who have no soul, Member, aka. "Wet Willie" Nelson, aka Willie "Large Scrotum" Nelson (not to be confused with P.I. kinky "Big Dick" Friedman} was a famous 19th century cowboy, bank robber, and preacher who successfully parlayed his experiences into a country music career in the 1950s, then remade himself as a hippie in the 1960s, a porn star in the 1970s, a rock star career in the 1980s, a hippie in the 1990s, and an outlaw, again, in the 2000s. He is currently wanted for drug and murder charges, and his whereabouts is unknown.

He was born in San Juan, Puerto Rico on the 35th week of 1973 BC. In the first second he was alive, he stabbed the doctor in the eye with his undoubtedly giant penis he is famous for.

Life Story[edit]

Born in 3141 BC he soon became famous for being the only man on the street with a donkey. When he was 420 years old, he sat in the same chair for exactly 3000 years until Christmas Day 1028, he picked up a xylophone and made the funniest song ever written. This song was so funny that nobody laughed at it, which meant that nobody thought it was funny, which created a universal paradox in the space time continuum flarx/fabric. This caused much anger throughout the world, and every living human, animal and robot got together and conspired to kill Willie. The conspirators then told Willie that he could be one of the Three Wise Outlaws during Christmas, along with Waylon Jennings and David Allan Coe and then planned to lure him into a trap. Unfortunately, because everybody in the whole of existence was in on it, everyone forgot to leave a trap, expecting someone else to do it. Having failed the first plan, they sent an e-mail to the 3001 year old man, and this upset him. He was so upset, he died of grief.

He later came back to life to annoy the IRS and to create a robot that could make weird noises. The robot, named Trey Williams, was later abandoned due to the incessant production of the sound called the S.S.S. He regrets the abandonment entirely, never predicting the Shawn Taylor would become one of the most influential American symbols.

Willie Nelson is also the creator of the national dish of Turkey, Willie Nelson Mushroom Soup.


After his resurrection and creation of the Shawn Taylor, Nelson soon discovered the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico is not a US state. Upon realizing that their citizens pay no income tax, his joy was complete and he become an honorary Puerto Rican.

Nelson is a member of The Red-headed League, a secret organization of male porn stars.

Music Career[edit]

Willie Nelson has made 412,000 albums. He currently holds the world record for most albums made in an hour - 36.


  • He was young once. Really.


  • Toaster with built in Wi-FI conection
  • The household spoon
  • The Rolling Stones
  • The "Call of Duty" franchise
  • Disneyland Oklahoma
  • Analogue recording
  • Oxygen


  • The first one (3107 BC)
  • Willie Nelson Returns (3106 BC)
  • The mildly more rock-based one (3105 BC)
  • Willie Nelson IV (The Controversial one) (3104 BC)
  • The last one for a few years (3103 BC)
  • He's Back (1714)
  • Oh Christ another one (1766)
  • The one featuring a drum (1785)
  • Willie Nelson by Numbers (1800)
  • Willie Nelson Sells Out (Half the field) (1803)
  • The long-awaited second return of Nillie Welson (1940)
  • The biggest selling one (7 copies sold to dated) (1945)
  • Led Zeppelin IV (1971)
  • The long road out of Willie(1988)
  • Willie`s last(1987)
  • Willie said What(a collection of interviews)..(1987)
  • If you have it wilie wants it(1988)
  • Some people said he retired...(1988)
  • Guess who`s back(december 1988)
  • Experimentation with Electricity....(1989)