Windows XP

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windows xp evil edition
The IE pop-up blockers on Windows XP always left something to be desired.

Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a pretty detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to Windows 7, Windows 8, and Windows Vista according to most idiots. It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-OS while managing to take up only 40 GB on one's hard disk. Its file system can interact fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux and it has enhanced mouse support, although rats are as yet not supported or even liked.


Production of XP began in 1998, and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and, overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death.

This radical change in software design came about when it was felt Microsoft needed a change of leadership, so they sacked Steve Ballmer and Bill Gates, then hired Hull University's Phil Costin as chairman and Jonty the Microsoft call center janitor as CEO. MS also abandoned their web browser integration policy in favor of placing the less-than-cost-effective Mozilla Firefox and Opera combination in its place. This was criticized at first, but now users have become used to being less well-off financially.

Windows XP also contains a partial implementation of the UNIX OS, making it more stable and easier to handle for the average home user. Although Microsoft states that this is the "WSFU" feature, further investigation shows that that feature is actually called "Windows Shut the F*** Up" and serves to decrease stability of distant messaging programs, including Microsoft's own Windows Messenger.

It is the only version of Windows known not to include the feature that has been a hallmark of Windows since 3.0, the blue screen appearing every 5 minutes, better known as Microsoft 5-minute BlueScreen Technology.

Sales of Windows XP ceased on June 30, 2008 when the XP stock managing server crashed fifteen seconds after Windows Vista was installed on it. Despite this, many people continue to blindly worship Windows XP, believing that all subsequent is Satan and that XP is the second coming of Jesus. As such, Microsoft has made Windows XP the world's dominant operating system for long after it has become outdated and a piece of crap. Windows XP machines with the operating system currently installed will automatically self destruct on April 1, 2014 as per the instructions given by Microsoft to terminate all support for the product.

Service Packs[edit]

Service pack 1[edit]

To promote Windows Live, this service pack reminds users to upgrade to Windows 2010. This service pack is compulsory for all Windows XP computers and devices. If not upgraded within 30 days, activating your computer will be disabled so you must upgrade to Windows 2010 "for a better experience".

File:220px-Payphone loading Microsoft Windows XP.jpg
If you caught a BSOD you need to insert a Pound/25 cents to continue

Service pack 2[edit]

  • Typo 1.0 for Microsoft Office which allows you to autocreate typos.

Service pack 3[edit]

The Aero layout as seen on this pop-up from the Windows Pregnancy Test Analyzer, now with 20% more accuracy on SP3.

Microsoft promised that the following things will be added in SP3 for the Windows XP:

  • Information Security Center 2.0, with the new Windows Defender 2.0 and comments.
  • "Aaero", which is a color scheme similar to Windows Vista.
  • Internet Explorer updated to a Mozilla Firefox-like Internet Explorer 7, which supports tabbed browsing.
  • Icons, images are more detailed. At least anti-alias in the Bliss wallpaper.
  • Updated the dates in the About screen.[1]
  • Security holes opened.
  • Several pieces of evil government spyware that manage to disguise themselves as buggy slow-downs.