From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search


~ Some guy on winning

“I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?”

~ Beck on not being a winner

“In Soviet Russia, a you is WINNER!”

~ Yakov Smirnoff on grammar

“Victory is mine!”

~ Stewie Griffin on victory

“If I have an apple in one hand from which it was snatched by a person who already has an orange, then the apple too will always itself be an orange - that is winning.”

~ Einstein on adding confusion to what a winner is

“There is no "I" in team!.”

~ Coaches on excuse to make you feel guilty about skipping practice

“But there's an "I" in win.”

~ Me on making the above quote sound like bull

According to the teachings of the Holy Book of Rigism, everyone is WINNER until proven LOSER.

Winners are the complete opposite of losers. Though winners are ones most hated by the losers, they are also what losers want to become themselves. You are a loser. This is generally speaking of course. You are not a loser if you have pie, having pie makes you a winner. Having pi, however, makes you a loser.


There are many ways to define a winner, but being able to immediately say whether one is one is not so clear-cut. The definition of winner could mean gaining something, being the best at something, just not being a loser, and so on. Here is a quick list of all things that make a winner:

and last but not least...

  • Winning - good luck

But above all, all winners have pie. It may not be obvious, it's just that most winners have it as what is called their inner pie. One's inner pie is not visible to the unaided eye. Speaking of pies, look at that chick's pies, we could have some of that...

Kellerman = never wins, EVER!


Besides winner and losers, there are also others in between. By separating them into three more categories, we can add further confusion in an attempt to clarify.

Winning losers[edit]

It is possible to obtain one or more of the above list and still be a loser. These people are called winning losers, and they are as pathetic as the typical loser, except people hate them more. Generally, winning losers do not have their inner pie, and most of them have what is called suck. More often than not, it's balls that are the object of this suck.

A list of winning losers to help you comprehend:

  • George W. Bush - he had power, but he sucks balls
  • Bill Gates - he has money, but Windows sucks balls
  • Ballet dancers - they can dance, but fuck 'em
  • Tiger Woods- He has hot new cars and money, but used them to get even more sex, which makes him suck balls...or mabye someone suck his.
  • Paris Hilton - she has sex, but we got her video (and she sucks balls)

Speaking of Paris Hilton, look at her suck those balls, yeah...

Losing winners[edit]

Rejected by Christina Aguilera? You're still a losing winner!

The opposite of winning losers are obviously losing winners, who have inner pie but don't got anything in the list. In this catefory, what generally indicates a losing winner is Jesus love.


  • Grues - they're cool, and Jesus loves them
  • God - He don't really got any power, but Jesus loves Him anyway
  • Accountants - who added them to the list?


Most important of all are the unwinners who fulfill the list and have pie, but are still not immediately seen as winners by everybody, neccessarily.

They include:

Speaking of the little engine that could, look how cute he is! ^^


"Winning isn't everything."

This quote sucks but it's true. If winning is everything, then everything is winning, and you certainly are not. Due to the unfortunate fact that you are part of everything, it follows that everything isn't winning, and therefore winning isn't everything. But if perhaps you do win in heart you will never be a winner. QED.

"Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing."

This quote sucks because it's not true. There is more than one thing. Therefore, both these authors are losers.

Life of a winner[edit]

It ain't easy being a winner, despite all the glamor and glory.

As you can see, not all winners have the pleasant, happy life.

So remember: if you didn't win go see Losing or Lose

See also[edit]