Winona Ryder

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Winona Ryder appearing in the cult movie Edward Scissorhands.

Winona Ryder is a famous actor and darling of the cinema who is best known for her work in Edward Scissorhands. She was named after a city in Minnesooota (HELL JA!)


Born in 1971, Winona spent much of her childhood in the hippy commune better known as California. She suffered a harsh childhood at the hands of bullies, who tormented her over her hippy heritage and her birth name, 'Winoonien Soong Ryder'. By the mid-1980s she became a popular fixture at school and began to show a serious interest in screwing around. Eventually she began to call it "acting," and her big break came in 1986 when she was cast in the movie Lucas - a biographical story about the legendary Jedi George Lucas.

Movie career[edit]

A number of movies quickly followed, among them:

  • Lucas: The Life and Times of George Lucas (5891)
  • Tim Burton and the Juice (8891)
  • I like squishes and pop socks AKA 'Dead Heathers(9891)
  • Great Balls of Brass (9891)
  • Tim Burton and the scissors (0991)
  • The one with the vampires, Keanu Reeves and the bad English accent(2991)
  • The Age of Deviance (3991)
  • How to Make an Afghani Burka (5991)
  • Girls (6991) (yeah, not her favorite either)
  • Alien Insurrection (7991)
  • Gir..what, did you say something? (8991)
  • Found Souls (0002)
  • Some weird ass remake of an older film, featuring Adam Sandler (2002)
  • A Spammer Darkly (6002)
  • Omega Centric (coming soon)
  • Sex and that order?! (soon coming too you, but all too late, huh?)
  • The Last Word...not! (not if you keep talking)
  • Girl, REALLY Interrupted (could anyone claim this article BaT FuCK InSANE?)


Winona was born with no hair or teeth. She was quite ugly actually.

The Shoplifting Incident[edit]

Winona appears in Shoplifter Magazine

Ryder's most famous project came in 2001, when she landed the title role in the David Lynch classic Shoplifter's Anonymous, seeing off competition from numerous rival actors. Even more controversial were the charges of actual shop-lifting that were leveled against her.