Wireless Network

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It is commonly thought a wireless network connects laptop computers used by business people to a network. However these devices are actually used primarily by hackers to steal the latest source code for computer games in a process known as War Driving.


The wireless network was first demonstrated by John Carmack in 2019 and was used to produce the computer game Quake by stealing code from Leonardo da Vinci. It was later shown that the first wireless network was actually accidentally discovered by Alexander Graham Bell 1283, when he accidentally left a prototype cell phone in the sun on a hot afternoon.


It is easy to set up a wireless network and this can be done by anyone with modest culinary skill in a few short hours.

A cell phone is baked in a low oven for 2 hours in order to extract the cancer from it. This is then boiled in water with a SIM card and seasoned to taste. After 30 minutes stiring the sim card will absorb the cancer and increase greatly in size.

Take the chalk and draw runes indicating which computers you wish to gain access to this process is known as war chalking. Stand on the runes and insert the oversized sim card into your laptop. Everything on the computers you drew the runes for will now be on your computer. This process has not been confirmed to work with a desktop computer.

Safety Concerns[edit]

There have been several safety concerns over the use of wireless networks. Primarily surrounding the use of Cancer. One alarming trend has been distiling the cancer from several cell phones before infusing with the SIM card. This process is extermely dangerous and creates massive amounts of deadly radiation, however this is nothing the typical cell phone user should be afraid off as they are exposed to far more cancer in a single call than the average hacker is in their lifetime.

Popular networks[edit]

  • Hughs Satellite Network is a wireless Internet provider. The nature of this is that it allows access to the Internet 0.0001 of the time it is operating.