World War II: The movie
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 Poland ( The Allied Boss, and as any boss just use the mind... (see the section Poland's Role ).
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 The Third Reich (wanted to steal polish beer ended up making a huge cock up of things in Europe)
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 Harold Straddlebeamer
Poland Chuck Norris |
Really Angry German Guy
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| Hmm | Don't give a crap, okay? | ||||||||||
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World War II, or the '41-'45 War as its known in the States and Russia, proved to be one of the most successful and high-budget movies ever made, even becoming more popular than WWI (rookie filmmaker Gavrilo Princip’s only hit, so well-received in the film industry that he was executed). The film, which racked up billions of dollars in British debt, has occasionally been criticized for the death of 72,000,000 actors, including the stars Franklin Roosevelt and Adolf Hitler.
The film is famous for a scene in which the British, unable to push Germany's advance back, since neither army can walk on water, are aided slightly by defectors, Russia, the late-as-usual America, and French farmers. The British population, who single-handedly stopped the advance of the Nazis though the use of the most technologically advanced defensive feature of the day: the English channel, quite rightly say that the "yanks are stupid to think that Germany would not attack them". Having next to no aid from the rest of the world since the American President was busy trying to stop the nation from starving(by making them throw up lend-leases), England along with a lot of help from the English channel(without whom they would have lost the entire war and Germany would rule the world) bravely tried to push back the most powerful army in the world on their own, of course Britain got it's ass kicked, but lucky for them they could play their usual trick and retreat back to England borrowing civilian`s boats to flee. The French of course weren't quite as lucky as they didn't have an English channel to hide behind. Out of Germany's hydrophobia, Hitler called off the invasion of Britain to attack mother Russia. In a cowardly sucker punch,only a year after the European war began, the Japanese at Pearl Harbor attacked the sleeping Giant called America, who decided to finally save the world again, by fucking around with the Japanese for a while and then topping it all off by roasting two large Japanese cities like Mongolian barbecue. There are several supposed reasons why Hitler declared war on the rest of the world. The most widely accepted accounts agree that Hitler was enraged over the poor quality of bagels and lox in Germany. He then blamed all Jews worldwide for being unable to properly manage their own cuisine (and ruining his breakfast), and insisted they be eliminated.
Prologue
WORLD WARS
EPISODE I: THE ITALIAN MENACE
The Second World War was started due to Hitler's ever growing hate for Adam Sandler. Adam, being Jewish, was a very big influence in Germany and a one-time porn mate of Adolf, decided to move to America. To blow off some steam, Hitler decided to take a walk into Poland with a few 100,000 troops. The Polish (who had it coming) got fucked. Hitler loving the pleasure of more slaves decided to do the same to the French.
In 1918, the winners of World War I (who liked George's idea for "The Merry Wives of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha" better), decided that Germany would be paying for their round of drinks and mindless slaughter, and so has been left skint (there was quite a lot of it). Now, however, the Wall Street Crash has left it in an even worse situation after the Deutschmark has suddenly become worthless, and the Euro is yet to be invented, with the cost of flying sky-high and the cost of building repairs going through the roof.
Now, in 1933, a big manly badass of a man steps up, promising to solve their problems by killin jews! than he whipped his whip out right there and than! He won 78% of the vote.
EPISODE II: THE ATTACK OF THE ASIANS
The year is 1939. In a move to secure its place as a superpower, Japan has raped the Manchurian province of China and reinforced the point by brutally slaughtering Jews and sending a select few to work as spies in popular investment banks. The world, however, is busy elsewhere, and continues to be, so the Imperial Japanese forces repeat the same processes on every single island in the Pacific. Along the way, they invent the first-generation Toyota Corolla by forcing Australian POW's to weave pieces of bamboo together and attach it to a set of four tennis balls.
Meanwhile, in Europe, an angry Austrian named Adolf Hitler seizes control of Germany and declares everyone else inferior to his German-ness. Building a massive army to execute his vision of a super party with only the super race invited, or world domination, he seizes Austria. France, thinking that the Maginot Line was perfect, hands him Czechoslovakia as a free sample. With this, Hitler allies himself with his long-time enemy Joseph Stalin of the Soviet Union and sets his sights on Antarctica and Canada, with the assumption that the territories captured can be used for the leisure of all Aryans. Skiing and sledding were always very important to Hitler.
EPISODE III: REVENGE OF THE NAZIS
As Germany invaded France, the French bravely retreated to fight another day. Except they forgot to fight another day, and decided to go to a picnic instead, where they got their asses kicked (disregarding the South of the country which bravely went over to the other side and fought for Germany and bravely delivered many of it's Jews to the concentration camps). The rest of the French empire followed Vichy's brave example. Meanwhile Britain began camping like a COD:MW2 NOOB. But one must never forget those brave French men who fought for their motherland in the first and second world wars whilst the English hid behind the English channel and the Americans slept in late. Again.
EPISODE IV: A NEW POPE
But, when all hope seemed to be lost, in an astounding and superbly resilient effort by the forces of Britain, The United States, and Trojan Incorporated, a condom was shipped to Saudi Arabia, where the Allied Expeditionary Forces were making their final stand against the Nazis and nudist fanatics. The Allies' reaction upon receiving the enormous condom would later become known as the Great Depression, or, conversely, The Day The Pussy Died.
This giant condom was hauled into the Red Sea, luring most of the German military away from the main battle in a trance-like state of crazed sex lust. However, the realization came like a thousand tonnes of choking water that despite the German forces' extensive training in various military endeavors, Nazi commanders had forgotten to teach their troops how to swim.
The Americans, coming from the greatest nation of all time, decided to earn their reputation as supreme overlords, and did a rather good job of it, even if they did say so themselves. In an apparent gesture of mercy and goodwill, the Yanks stood on deck sipping great American beer and tossing life preservers into the water. The amazing part came just as each Nazi soldier was halfway on board, at which time the American soldiers would cut the Nazi dicks off and watch them splash back into the water, followed by hundreds of fifty caliber rounds. Thus the Red Sea had finally earned its name.
EPISODE V: THE NAZIS JIZZ BACK!
Although the Africa Corps had by then become the Africa Corpses, the Nazis made a bold attempt to engender support from Stalin. However, Hitler became furious after Stalin's refusal to return his calls or even consider a second date, and invaded Russia in retaliation. The Russians, having forgotten to make guns to shoot the gazillions of bullets they had manufactured, quickly turned from their idle fantasies of a threesome with Hitler and the Japanese and asked The Good Side if it wanted to "go steady."
Then-unbeknownst to Hitler but now-beknownst to us, Stalin's wily apprentice, Darth Zhukov, was meanwhile developing a totally awesomely brilliant plan. He kidnapped Hitler's personal bedtime-story teller, Friedrich Paulus, and sent him overnight shipping to Stalingrad (which of course translates to "Stalin totally isn't an asshole"). Hitler, now wracked by insomnia and desperate to know the end of Cinderella, approached a nervous breakdown at this development. He immediately sent his best troops to Stalingrad with hysterical instructions to "Get him back! I must know if the pumpkin rotted, I must!
Just as the confused but determined Nazis arrived in Stalingrad to complete the rescue operation, Stalin initialized the launch of his Death Star to take out the sun. Although this largely failed when the Death Star was simply incinerated (because some idiot forgot to put a heat shield on), it did succeed in riling the sun up a bit. Soon Sol (the sun) decided to go on strike until California started paying royalties for the Internet's obscenely large trade in solar energy.
Both major Axis powers suffered from this solar strike. The Germans, in their haste to obey their foamy-mustachioed leader, had left behind their warm Barney blankets, and all promptly died of cold. The Japanese, though not silly enough to forget their blankets, did begin to get a major ass-kicking: the dimness rendered them nearly blind, as their slanted eyes had evolved to expect intense sunlight. The Americans, quickly grasping on this weakness, insisting on being total dicks and waving Xboxes in their face since P.S.3 wasn't going to be out for another whole year. Soon the sun returns, and the Japanese own them with their enormously small Wiis. President-for-life Roosevelt goes into his anger room and plans the most diabolical plan ever. He will make an Atomic bomb that will permanently fry the Japanese's eyes.
Episode VI: THE RETURN OF THE BOMBERS
With the Manhattan road construction project complete, President-for-Life Frankillin Roosevelt orders work on the Atomic bomb. However, he grow impatient after 2 hours and jumps off a bridge while on vacation. His vice-president, who was called a hairy but true man, carried on the work and eventually the bomb was built. Meanwhile in Germany, the Russians, after Darth Zhukov's command that every citizen of the Soviet Union "P90 rush B (speculated to be a codeword for Berlin) no stop", have begun their all expenses paid trip to Germany. This causes Hitler to become even more Wacky. He rapes Eva Braun and shoots his dog and then gets on a boat to Mexico, where he continues to fund illegal aliens to undermine Obama Bin Laden's communist dictatorship in the 3rd American Empire. Back in time, Harry Truman, as he was nicknamed, drags the bomb thousands of miles across the ocean, dressed up like George Bush because evil dictatorships like him, and plants the bomb in Moscow, Japan. When the bomb goes off, it creates a time warp and sends everyone to Guantanamo Bay, in 2006. Fearing all the Japanese will be sent to Guantanamo Bay, Tojo McMojo surrenders by going to the future and getting ass-raped by George Bush and the movie ends with Bush rounding up all the working class people 60 years later and sending them to gas chambers.
A seventh episode, in which German returns and rises again after a long hiatus, is rumored but unconfirmed. There are tons of them. Watch it!
Britain's Role
Making a cut in the history; with Machiavelli Churchill brilliantly on command, British "just":
- Hid behind english channel knowing Hitler didn't want to get his feet wet.
- Saved the US from the german Luftwaffe(U/S is naval terminology for unserviceable btw)
- Raped most Naval forces that got in their way (Royal Navy was the largest in the world at the time, the Royal Canadian Navy the 3rd largest)
- scorned the Yankees for not saving the lives of US and phillipine forces on Corregidor Island, Stupid Gen. Douglas Macarther
- Managed Africans, Indians, Ghurkas, Australians, New Zealanders, Canadians and some country that we wont mention further...
Godzillas role in World War Two
Godzilla had an influential role in the attacks led by Japan. Since he was already employed as an actor by the film business in Japan, he decided to take the governments role as the giant lizard that the japanese aremy desperatly needed. Godzilla was involved largely in the battles of Iwo Jima, and Okinawa. It wasn't until in 1945 with the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagosaki by the kitty kat federation of planet Hilter land, which had recently invaded and taken all of planet hilter land, did Godizilla realize that he was fighting for the wrong side of the war. He instead began his attacks on Japan to helpo out whoever he was supposed to be helping(probably planet Hitler land, ruled by kitty kat federataion). He continued his insane, fire breathing attacks on tokyo until king kong attacked him and they had a great battle. Luke Skywalker, his father, robot dino jesus, and a zombie army helped godzilla and king kong was aided by the communists, hitler (who was still in spite because he got kicked out of his own planet), nazis, and an army of flying dolphin-whales. The battle was so epic that it began to break the sound barrier, and then created an awesome flash that kept the whole world from seeing what happened. The result of the battle of 'Zilla v. Kong was the lessening of king knog to only a dog toy, now commonly known as a kong.also, godzilla pwned to the point where a new definition of power was created. it was to be called the united states marines. Because it was decided that godzilla was to powerful to use in only one place, his powers were split later on in his life to become the several million americans that now serve in the Marines.
Criticism
Of course, World War II received criticism for its excessive violence and the cameo of Sylvester Stallone as Rambo.
Many racists and anti-Semites protested that the Holocaust sequence was so inhumane that it had obviously been faked by the Jew-controlled media, while even more protested it was too good to be true (see Holocaust denial, Holocaust affirmation, Holocaust denial denial and the therementioned further articles).
Others were skeptical of the Rape of Nanking because of the extreme difficulty of even consensual fornication with a city (after obtaining the proper permit to do so, of course), much less the fact that the decapitation of all locals is not typically a part of intercourse. (It turns out that Godzilla was the guy that raped Nanking.) The city of Nanking even responded with a statement that spellcheck does not recognize its name, and therefore they does not exist, after which it proceeded to prove itself correct by vaporizing a moment later.
Six million Jews and other Europeans found the movie so inhumane they buried themselves in mass graves. When some researchers went to Poland to investigate the possibility of its residents being killed indiscriminately, they found that the country had been uninhabited since 1945.
However, the movie's idea of genocide (aka ethnic cleaning), be on retail - by inches - or on "wholesale" ("let's do it once and for all") form; still are extremely popular, particularly amongst Serbian, Israel and some young African nations, while others took the trend of indiscriminant killing.
Other sequences, such as the Battle of Stalingrad seemed to be blatant fakes. Because of a budget cut, actors had to steal prop rifles, often onscreen, from other soldiers who were pretending to be dead, while some stole rifles from troops who were shooting at the enemy. Many also questioned the possibility of unsheltered soldiers freezing to death in Russia during one of the worst winters ever recorded, declaring this to be totally not feasible at all.
Russian Reviewers were insulted since it depicted the Russian army as a sober fighting force, when in reality, they were drunker than an Australian after 4 hours at a pub. Negative criticism was pointed at how Russians had 1 rifle per 10 people, whilst in reality it was 1 per 50
According to critics, the war with the Japanese was just an excuse to film some jungle scenes (which Spielberg got to do anyway with his next movie, Vietnam), and the entire Pacific plotline was called a "convoluted mess" because, with twelve billion islands, there were simply too many to keep track of. Some islands seemed to even have been made-up, like Midway, Guadalcanal, the Philippines, and Hawaii. To more criticism, the portrayal of the Enola Gay (Latin for "butt-humping gay") seemed to imply that the U.S. was a bunch of fruity homosexuals about to make Japan its bitch. Although that did, in fact, happen twelve seconds later, critics retaliated by saying that "Enola" backwards is "alonE", and then asserting that "Anal alone" makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, even if done backwards.
French reviewers stormed out through the beginning of the film during the scene where it is revealed French Tanks had 16 gears in reverse, and the fact that French uniforms were white, guns white, tanks white, which also faced criticism from some Black reviewers. In response to another scene depicting the whole French army trying to escape into Britains vagina, 25 french viewers shot themselves in the temple.
Other people criticized the movie's invention of Fascism, saying that no one would be dumb enough to fall for such an idea.
More criticism arose over the Allies' attitude towards the Jews throughout the movie. Many found it silly that the Allies formed blockades around their countries to prevent Jews from entering, and shipped the Jews who were already in their country to Germany. Some found it more ridiculous that Allied bombing raids on the Nazi death camps always seemed to miss the crematoriums in favor of an unsuspecting Jew, or, more often, an entire Jewish bunkhouse, which were typically miles away from any other part of the camp. To add on to confusion as to which side the Allies were really on, they awarded the entire land of Palestine to the ten remaining Jews and kicked out all the Palestinians. The Palestinians then declared eternal Holy War against the Jews and started to bomb them. Arabs, however, found it totally absurd and absolutely unheard of that any of them would declare a Holy War against anything and then begin blowing themselves up. In protest of this representation, they declared a Jihad against Hollywood and began exploding themselves in random movie theaters.
Spielberg responded to all this criticism by criticizing it, which soon brought the criticizers retaliating with even more criticism of the criticism of their criticism. Before long, the entire argument became a huge, incoherent mess akin to the movie.
In accordance with all this criticism, the movie was given six stars out of five, two thumbs, and the toe of Roger Ebert, and swept the Oscars, Emmys, Pulitzers, and even won a Nobel Peace Prize for setting an example for many aspiring peace activists such as Pol Pot and Slobodan Milosevic, and ensuring that such inhumanities would never ever occur.
It is well known that the S.W.A. won the second world war, however in an elaborate coverup the government suppressed this knowledge because the SWA is too PWN4G3 for the |\|00|3z0r5
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