World War VI
|World War VI|
The Siege of McDonald's
The Dalai Lama
World War VI, also known as World War Six, Sixth World War, Half World War and commonly abbreviated to WWVI, was a worldwide military conflict between Allied forces (originally Tibetans), Axis powers (originally Kazakhstani-Kyrgyzstani Muslims, and nicknamed 'Axis of Evil') and eventually Russians and their allies (nicknamed 'Axis of Just as Evil'). It lasted six years, from 2090 to 2096, provided the Apocalypse didn't happen in 2012.
“No one knows the Year,the day,and the hour of the SIXTH WORLD WAR BLOCKBUSTER HIT except for me.After World War 5 you throught the world would live in peace and throw dandylions in the air.YOU THROUGHT WRONG!.This time it has more explosions,more gore,and more explosive orphans.This time in 10D YEAH we said 10D.In theatres now.”
Immediately after World War V, most of the Earth's surface was occupied by the New British Empire, and the Alliance of the Twat Countries had collapsed. Most people voted for peace on The X Factor for a couple of years. During this time, most people chose to worship a god, and have a religion. Even the power of governments around the world were regarded inferior to the power of the gods. Due to this, the New British Empire collapsed, and international borders created were practically useless. Fuck.
Europe had been influenced by the Sutlerist regime and the fascist regime of the UK, under Adam Sutler and Nick Griffin respectively. The United Federation (formerly the USA) was fascist under young Dictator Jeff Bridges (he became imortal and forever 28 after beating God in a poker match) . Central and North South America were communist following a revival of Communist Mexico (which completely took over Anti-Communist Mexico) from World War III. Russia was socialist due to the Soviets, and influenced Japan and North Korea. Zimbabwe was fascist because of Robert Mugabe - no other reason. This influenced many of its bordering countries, such as South Africa, Empire of the Four Squares and Uukumbamabahalarata, as well as Madagascar.
Buddhism was growing bigger than ever before. It all started as a little province, not even a country, in Tibet. Tibet then took over China from Chairman Pu Si, with the help of the boycotting of the 2008 Beijing Olympics. The now nationalised Tibet influenced its neighbours, namely Mongolia, Vietnam and South Korea. From there, the sphere of influence expanded southward as far as New Zealand. Now all Muslims lived in Iran. They spread in all parts of the world.And were stronger than the socialist Russia, Sutlerist Europe, sunni muslimIndia,shiyah muslim Tibet and europe, which was now as well.
Euthanasianism was a new religion, and they believed that killing themselves was the way to prosper in life. It was very popular in most of South America.
However the government of india thought that neighbouring Buddhists were gaining advantages better than anyone else. In their opinion, it was obvious. All devout Buddhists were thin, like Buddha. There was only one logic solution - they were eating less food. Not producing fast food m eant requiring oil, which had been used up long before in 2010. This clearly that the indian <government> Thatjust been proved useless, and the support to the indian government that the last 18 years had been a total waste of time occured to them.
The Buddhists had actually only received enlightenment (although they were hardly getting lighter).
But the prime minister was not happy to give india in the hands of russia.
hadn't realised that. It didn't take long for the Muslims to find a solution of their own.
Course of the War
The New Year passed with the Muslims in an unfavourable position. On 5 January 2091, Iran and Afghanistan declared war against Tibet, to provide reinforcements. To make matters worse for the Muslims, all of Iran's nuclear missiles had just been sent to the USA in the America-Iran war some time ago, leaving no nuclear power in any Axis country. Tibet, however, had all of the previous China's nuclear power. Tibet successfully conquered the peopleless, inhabitible nuclear wasteland Mongolia as a nuclear missile testing site and a place for concentration camps in March 2091. On 22 March, 2091, they sent three separate nuclear missiles from Mongolia to Axis territory. One landed in Esfahan, Iran, another in Tehran, Iran and the last in Jalalabad, Afghanistan. In addition to Tibet's nuclear missiles, they also sent sixty six (why the Dalai Lama chose this number is unknown to historians) bomber planes the next day and continuously bombed Afghanistan's capital, Kabul, for a fortnight. Seeing their neighbours struggle, the Hindu countries India and Pakistan both declared war against Tibet on 6 April 2091, and in return they wanted their international cricket teams to be named as best two in the world (even though none of the Axis powers were able to do this as the International Cricket Council was actually based in Dubai, UAE). The Hindu-Muslim army retaliated poorly to the nuclear and air attacks, and as if the situation couldn't become more bleak, an earthquake measuring 9.2 on the Richter scale had just eliminated half of the population of the Turkmenistan capital, Ashgabat on 8 May 2091. Still in shock from the Tibetan's nuclear power, Uzbekistan was left open-mouthed and was conquered by Tibet for strategic purposes in early June 2091.
With Turkmenistan virtually destroyed, and clearly Tibet's next military target, the Turkmenistani Government changed sides with immediate effect on July 4 2091 (formerly USA Independence Day. The Muslims were in desparate need of some sort of nuclear power - so they turned to Iraq. The Iraqis were ruled by a grand mufti. The Iraqi citizens were all amazed by the mufti rule and so began to join his force, and the mufti declared war against finland on 16 July 2091 and the invasion, known as the Battle of great cold war, ended in September. This battle saw the use of the World War I tactic of trench warfare. At last, the finland government gave in, and its territory and nuclear power was handed to Iran. however hard the Iranians tortured them. On 6 October 2091, Iran sent all six nuclear missiles they had to the Tibetan province of Qinghai,. Fortunately for the Tibetans, that area was already hit with black plague, and so sending nuclear missiles wouldn't cause much damage to the already devestated area.
During the course of this battle, the neutral countries Nepal and Bhutan were somehow captured in three minutes, the fastest ever time recorded conquering of any country, and added to the Tibetan Empire in order to aid the planned invasion of India later in the war. There is no proof of how the Tibetans managed this, but Nepalese citizens claim that 'black silhouettes' came and blew them away. All the Muslims there, however, were allowed to enter to India. Soon, Tibet made an alliance with North and South Korea on Christmas Day 2091.
Other Hindu countries, seeing that Tibetans were hardly spreading peace, allied with the Axis powers and declared war against Tibet in attempts to stop the war themselves. These countries were Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, Kuwait, Qatar, UAE, Yemen, Oman, Jordan and Saudi Arabia. Mohamed had also persuaded Syria, Israel, Lebanon and Turkey to fight against the Tibetans. This was a major expansion for the Axis Powers.
For Tibet, they continued invading other countries. They declared war against the neutral Myanmar in February. Their beliefs in peace angered the Dalai Lama and they therefore had to be destroyed. Surprisingly, the Myanmarians resisted well, and not a single Tibetan had stepped on Myanmar soil. When the Dalai Lama heard of the failed invasion, he had his general's bones removed, crushed, and used to make the soil in his botanical garden more fertile. Apparently, he had been "too stupid". The Dalai Lama then made contact with the International Space Station (the equivalent of the United Nations), and asked for the immediate surrender of Myanmar as they had stepped on Tibetan soil without permission from the highest order. The ISS accepted the Dalai Lama's request (after analysing CCTV footage taken from a Tibetan source), and sent laser beams into Myanmar, as in World War IV. By mistake, the ISS sent multiple rays, rather than just send one warning ray, thus sinking it and simply largening the Bay of Bengal. Bordering countries saw the Tibetan's power to make lasers come out of the sky and quickly asked for a surrender. The Tibetans refused, insisting on fighting. Tibet declared war on Thailand, Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam, Hong Kong and Taiwan. They conquered all six countries by April.
In June, it was The Dalai Lama's birthday. He was given, as a birthday present, an alliance with the League of African Hindus (LOAH) (who had merged as one country), who would assist in attacking the Axis occupied Middle East.
Iran, having heard of the LOAH choosing to ally with Tibet rather than them, betrayed its alliance with other countries and declared war on Kuwait, Jordan, Saudi Arabia, Yemen and Oman. Iran successfully took over Jordan, Kuwait and Qatar, but only half of Saudi Arabia. The rest of the Axis powers were shocked by Iran's actions and broke all connections with them too, and wanted to destroy Iran. Even the LOAH were willing to help the Axis powers in doing this.
It took 16 hours for the LOAH and the Axis Powers to crush Iran. Countries disputed very long for how to divide Iran. In the end, they made a mens' singles tennis tournament, to be held in Doha, Qatar. Winner takes Iran.
Unbelievably, on 8 July 2092, the LOAH won 0-6,0-6,7-6,7-6,239-237, using a type of Arican wolf.
While this was all happening, Tibet had seized the unguarded India, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka and North Pakistan. The Axis powers returned home furious.
With the LOAH's new territory, they began to run wild. They declared war on South Saudi Arabia, Cyprus and UAE. They got UAE, Cyprus, and all but a corner of Saudi Arabia. From there, they then declared war on Yemen and Oman, successfully conquering both. What was left of Saudi Arabia supressed continuous LOAH attack, and forced them to sign an armistice.
Russia, led by President Fuckmeov, trying to show they were the best in the world by demonstrating their power, was keen to join the war as a third belligerent, and attempt to stop anything in their way to complete their ultimate aim - build golf courses all around the world. They had grown to think golf as a great sport, and Russia's national sport was officially changed to golf. On 1 April 2093, Russia invaded neutral countries Latvia, Estonia, Lithuania, Belarus, Ukraine, Hertziaustrovakia (it still remains a mystery how the Russian army got there), Georgia, Armenia, Azerbaijan and declared war on Axis Kazakhstan. All the neutral countries were conquered by June 2093. The Russians, however, could only conquer half of Kazakhstan, as Tibet had took over the other half before them. Kazakhstan was subsequently split in two, even though Kazakhstan had never surrendered. Tibet had also continued their advances south. They successfully conquered Malaysia, after their Prime Minister, Sivagnanasundaram Subramanyam, was shot with a javelin. Brunei shortly follwed by May 2093. Unfortunately for the Tibetans, they had left North East Tibet unguarded. This gave Russian forces the chance to conquer it. They did, and with great force (see picture), but could not progress any further than the city of Shenyang. This invasion involved the infamous Siege of McDonald's, which virtually ended the Buddhists' from continuing to grow fatter.
Russia, seeing their success in this war, was angered by the fact that they had now grown bigger than the 'Axis of Evil', yet didn't have a proper name other than the long winded one 'The Russian Empire and its Allies'. So, they changed their name to the 'Axis of Just as Evil'. This pleased President Fuckmeov.
By July 2093, South Pakistan and Afghanistan saw the dangers of Tibetan occupation, and merged to form Afghakistan, despite any religious difficulties that would follow. Each of the two previous nations saw the other as useless, and while they argued, the Axis of Just as Evil invaded them on 12 August 2093. The Russians sent nuclear missiles and not only took over Afghakistan, but parts of the LOAH and Tibetan Empires, as well as Turkmenistan.
That same month, Japan was put under pressure to join the war, seeing many neighbouring countries already involved. With the Axis of Evil on the verge of defeat, a civil war broke out, with the island of Honshu favouring the Russians and Hokkaido favouring the Tibetans. The Japanese Government was put under immense pressure to make a decision, knowing that both choices would lead to violent consequences. The Japanese Government delayed the decision for as long as possible, as growing impatience spread amongst the Japanese people, and rumours spread. By November 2093, Japan's people had split themselves up, declaring the Japanese Government defunct. Honshu and northern Hokkaido, led by General Sushi, joined the Axis of Just as Evil. Southern Hokkaido, led by Major Yo-Yo, allied with Tibet. This forced the Japanese capital, Tokyo, to divide into two, and thus the construction of the Tokyo Wall (which was built along Fuk Man Road).
During this time, the LOAH had successfully taken Israel, Lebanon and Syria. By the end of 2093, only Saudi Arabia and Turkey remained members of the ever shrinking Axis powers.
The Russians continued in their attempt to build golf courses around the world. President Fuckmeov was keen to invade neutral Scandinavia before trying to bite off more of the Tibetan Empire and Eastern Europe. They invaded Finland first, in February 2094. The Russians were intrigued by the invention of the staple gun from the 18th century, and used it to good effect against the Finnish army. Next, they planned a naval attack on Sweden. The Russians' affection for golf was very great. They could not separate themselves from the sport, and used golf balls to hit at the opposing Swedish ships. The Swedish could not see these golf balls, confusing it with snowflakes. By March, only Norway left. The Russians saw all of the ski slopes that the Norwegians had, and took advantage of it, using the tactics they adopted against the Swedish. Camouflaging the golf balls with the snow, they hit all the golf balls they had at the Norwegian Parliament. One lucky golf ball broke through a window and hit the Norwegian Prime Minister Jack Aas in the eye, killing him. This gave Russia sole control of Scandinavia as well as Svalbard.
The LOAH were not keen to end their conquering spree. Attempting to finish the Axis of Evil once and for all, they invaded Turkey in March 2094. By April, most of Turkey was captured. Its capital, Ankara, was taken and the seat of Turkish Government was forced to move to Istanbul. They then turned to the other Axis of Evil power - (what was left of) Saudi Arabia. The armistice signed was suspiciously found as a heap of ashes in the fireplace at the parliament of the LOAH city of Addis Ababa. The abolition of the armistice allowed the LOAH to invade Saudi Arabia with a surprise attack. Saudi Arabia still resisted, but not well enough, and by June 2094, it was gone.
Turkey, seeing that the Axis of Evil was now their responsibility, had to regain its control. They could not attack the LOAH, and therefore began to invade the neutral European country of Greece in June 2094. This effectively dragged the rest of Europe into the war. The Greeks defended well, and Turkey was not able conquer any of the two countries as it continued to shrink. By early September, the Axis of Evil had officially dissolved. Mainland Turkey was now occupied by the LOAH, while the other little bit in the north west was occupied by both Greece. These two countries, happy with their work, made an alliance with each other and Russia, vowing to attempt to decrease the LOAH in size as much as possible.
The Tibetan Empire was also expanding at the same time. It declared war on Phillipines, Indonesia and Papua-New Guinea on 6 June 2094. They conquered Phillipines, mainland Paupa-New Guinea, and all of Indonesia but a couple of islands, due to Australian assistance. With the Australians continuing to annoy the Tibetans using guerilla warfare, the Dalai Lama sent little boats with bombs tied to them to the australian city of Darwin. As the Australians saw this, they saw it as a floating object, that looked like golden ducks. The first person reported to have seen these 'ducks' said "Hey look! It's a golden duck!" As this message was eventually passed onto the Australian police, they misinterpreted it as the cricket term 'golden duck' (the Australia captain had just been dismissed for nought on his first ball in the Ashes). Thinking it was an invitation for a game of cricket, the entire Australian population flew to Tibet's capital, Lhasa, on 19 August 2094. The bombs, meanwhile, dented parts of the Australian coast. The Tibetans, surprised by the Australians' response to the bombs, immediately trapped the Australians in a large fishing net and took them back to now Tibetan controlled Australia, where they had built more concentration camps in the Australian Desert.
Russia, meanwhile, having taken over Scandinavia, now had two choices. In fact, they had three. They could attack either the Tibetan Empire, the LOAH Empire or Eastern Europe. They chose the latter, and officially declared war on Moldova, Slovakia and Poland in June 2094. Moldova crumbled easily as they received no support from the European Union. Slovakia could not rely on the Czecoslovakians anymore, and so crumbled soon after. Poland, being the nuisance they are, were not able to be conquered. War continued, with no side being more dominant than the other. Germany, from their experiences from World War II, knew that Poland would eventually surrender. Knowing the Russians, they invaded Poland from the east, having signed an alliance with Tibet. In September 2094, the German and Russian forces met in the city of Lodz, and Poland surrendered. This split Poland in half, just like Kazakhstan.
Russia, unhappy now with German involvement, wanted to stop Germany from posing a potential threat against their empire. Unofortunately, the Germans swiftly took over Denmark (excluding Greenland, whuch had gained independence from Denmark), Czech Republic and Austria by November 2094 - all of which were formerly neutral.
During the course of the year, a civil war was breaking out in the United Kingdom, after a quarrel between Coca-Cola drinkers and Pepsi drinkers. By July 2094, the country was split into two definite halves, and the British Government offcicially recognised two separate nations, and chose to govern the south, led by Lieutenant-General Motors. The north was ruled by the Northern Irishman Rick O'Shea. In October that year, the British Monarchy was at last overthrown (there were repeated calls for this during the course of the 21st century) and the Queen of England assassinated. Other royalty were killed with a guillotine. This month was, and still is called 'Crimson October'. Bitter war between the two nations continued, and it was evident peace would only spread if one of the two nations was eliminated.
Political unrest began to spread about Europe. Countries feared they were going to either be eaten up by the German or Russian empires. According to Rule 8493620, Section 20386, Volume 283 in a book, this was not allowed to happen. However, like many other figures in the past, the rulers of the Germans, Führer Dummkopf, had a fine disregard to these rules. Althuogh they had ended hostilities in the so-called Eastern Front, they contructed a new Western Front, harmlessly occupying the Netherlands and subsequently Belgium and Luxembourg. Quite surprisignly, France had actually tried to resist the opposing forces rather than surrender upon sight of them.
The Russians wanted to occupy Eastern Europe, and wanted the assistance of their Greek allies. However, they were too elated over their conquering of a little part of Turkey and were too busy proclaiming a national party that contact could not be reached. The Russians used their fury to wipe out Romania, Hungary and Bulgaria in February.
The LOAH saw that the fight between the Germans and the Russians would eventually reach the far corners of Europe, including Redland, fomerly Iceland. The LOAH had also had developed an affection towards the game Risk. They declared World War VI a big game of Secret Mission Risk. Their mission was as follows:
Conquer the BLUE or RED army.
The LOAH government debated much over which army they should have conquered. Eventually, in the style of the Taiwanese parliament, threw chairs at each other, and decided to conquer the blue army. Referring to the various maps in this article, the blue army would signify either the LOAH, Tibet, North and South Korea or South Japan. Due to the lack of cars to carry the LOAH's generals, they decided to attack the nearest blue army - the LOAH. To get themselves in the 'Risk' mood, the LOAH subsequently changed their name to the 'Blue Army', and their army comprised of only 1 foot soldier, 5 cavalry and 10 cannons. All other forces were eliminated by mass genocide. These changes were written in the most waffly way possible, and officially announced on 1 April - known amongst ancestors of the LOAH army as 'April Rules Day'.
When Führer Dummkopf was smoking his cigar, he was looking at various maps of the world. As he looked back in history, he saw his empire intriguingly similar to that of the Prussians. The Führer had a an obsession with the letter 'P', and seeing that the word 'Germany' had none of these letters, immediately changed the name of his empire to Prussia, and called his people the Prazi (rhyming with Nazi). As this was declared on 8 April, he was sniped down as he did the now 'Prazi', salute.
The other European powers were feeling a little left out. They wanted a part in this war - but they couldn't find a reason why. Seeing that the seemingly invincible Russian and Prussian forces would defeat them in the east, they ventured west. Portugal was first to do this, devoting their entire navy, and two thirds of the army to the invasion of the United Federation. Unfortunately, due to strong wind and heavy storms, they ended up in Haiti. Unaware of the earthquake which happened 84 years ago, this deserted land was subsequently claimed by the Portuguese. Activists from the neighbouring Dominican Republic had vowed to prevent intruders from entering their country and neighbouring ones, massacring all of the Portuguese forces. Seeing how easily such a large army fell inspired them to continue in their search for land. The Dominicans conquered Haiti. When hearing about the near Portuguese attack Jeff Bridges and the UF nuked the fuck out of Portugal, it is now a nuclear wasteland and is the site for the filming of the movie Fallout Portugal.
Some prisoners in Tibetan concentration camps in Tasmania had escaped. They freed hundreds of other prisoners nearby, and soon the Tibetan guards were overcome. The remaining Tibetans soon defected agsint their homeland to the Russians. The prisoners had made a fatal error. They had burnt all the boats and trasport on the island and a powercut had prevented any communications with other places. Food supplies were alarmingly low within two weeks and cannibalism spread about the island. As people realised that cannibalism wasn't working, they began to eat their surroundings.
Treaty of Manchester
Prior to the end of the war, the leaders of all fighting nations met in Manchester on 1-5 September 2096 and created the Treaty of Manchester. The Treaty of Manchester is also famed for the attempted assassination of British Prime Minister Adam Sutler.
These were the main laws set:
1. No more trying to assassinate British Prime Minister Adam Sutler.
2. Fish are friends, not food.
3. Bros before hoes.
4. No drawing penis's randomly
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