World War XX
|World War XX|
|Place: America, Antarctica and Switzerland.|
|Outcome: Argentina, Chuck Norris Victory|
|Southern Axis (SA): Empire of Antarctica, Peru, The Falklands, U of K Austria Pungary (Formerly Australia)||Argentina Empire: USA, Argentina, Independent Republic of Arequipa, Republic of France.||The Fourth Filipino Empire|
|Penguinen Von Whisky, Alejandro Toledo, Enver Bey, Tranz Joseph.||Mickey Mouse, Gil Grisom, and chuck norris's giant snake||Emperor Rizal XX|
|10.1 billion||9 billion|
|10 billion soldiers, 3 billion civilians||8.99 billion soldiers, 2.5 billion civilians|
WW XX is the long awaited sequel to WW XIX and the foreplay leading to WW XXX. It is a time war between the SA (Southern Axis), and the USA Empire. The casualties were huge, and it is the one of the few exclusive WW´s that involves penguins and does NOT involve Adolf Hitler. It ended in 4119 and began in 4124. Some missing battles from the war still occur every few years.
After the many other WW´s Antarctica had been part of, it was finally reconstructing its economy. In 2419, the communist regime led by a Polar Bear was overthrown by a mob of penguins, and the Polar Bear dynasty ended (they extinguished). Antarctica was bound to enter a golden age under the rule of Kaiser Penguinen Von Whiskey, who was a fair penguin who didn´t tax pregnant women. Meanwhile, in South America, the USA empire captured Argentina, and Britain gave The Falklands full independence and no connection whatsoever with the UK. This happened because Mickey Mouse, Emperor of USA, sucked Tony Blair´s penis, and he convinced the parliament to let The Falklands go. Mickey Mouse wanted The Falklands for himself, and planned to turn it into a Themepark called "The Fucklands". In Peru, recently re-elected chairman Otto-Von-Bismark died misteriously, leaving his viceroy, Alejandro Toledo, in charge of the country. The Independent Republic Of Arequipa under the Rule of Vizcachu, declared war on Peru, and Peru called Austria-Pungary for help. They had an alliance since last month, so Austria-Pungary had to respond. Soon, Austrio-Pungarian and Peruvian forces attacked Arequipa with buckets. Meanwhile Penguinen Von Whiskey was giving The Falklands three options, war, a huge orgy with a thousand 9 year-olds, or an alliance. He knew that an attack form the USA would be imminent, so he saw this as an excuse to declare war on the USA. He hated "gringos" because he was raped by a niger aclled "Uncle Sam" when he was 7 years old. The Falklands newly elected leader, Enver Bey, chose the Alliance. So, Mickey Mouse did in fact decalre war with The South Axis (The Empire of Antarctica and The Falklands). Soon, Arequipa saw the chance to screw Peru up, so they made up a story of how in year 2006 George Bush singed an alliance with Arequipa, therefore they had to kill Peru, and Austria-Pungary. So Mickey Mouse declared war on the Peruvian-Austro-Pungarian Axis, with the condition that Vizcachu would not be a commander, only a drill seargant. And Vizcachu suicided because he had screwd Peru up, which is his lifetime dream. Before he died he said "I go to where my noble antesesors are, i will go to the Independent Heaven of Arequipa, where heroes like Joaquin Garcia Calderon go!". Enver Bey´s daughter, Maria Pertrovna, had married the Austro-Pungarian Prince, LordIcantthinkofacreativenamerightnow in 4100, therefore, they all allied against the USA and the Independent Republic of Arequipa. Now, the Southern Axis was complete.
The Course of WW XX
The Battle of Mount Misty
The battle of Mount Misty was lead by Alejandro Toledo himself, who charged at the head of 2 billion cyborgs. The city of Arequipa was full of buckets, and its populace at the edge of starvation. They only had 1 Billion drafted soldiers. Men, women, and children militia gathered round Mount Misty to give a last sacred resistance. As soon as the Peruvian Cyborgs charged 2 million women threw themselves into the volcano in an operation code named "Momia Juanita". The rest fiered their weapons, which were old and useless against the Peruvian copper-cyborgs powered with Gas Natural de Camisea. The were all slaughtered. The rest of the Arequipean army, about 500,000 million profesionnal cyborgs, was drinking chicha de jora in the Plaza de Armas, singing the Himo Nacional (Somos cholos, con acento, chupemos chicha para siempre. Orgullosos, cagados, hacemos el amor con perros.). They too, were slaughtered by 3 billion Austro-Pungarian rangers.
The Battle Of orajnamaliK (Kilamanjaro backwards)
Harry Potters clone-HP456, wearing Dumbledores hat, jumps into the fray. He wielded an ak-47 and a bazooka, but the Southern Axis forces would not be scared off so easily. An SA plane-"THE CHUCK NORRIS"-fired 123456789 ninja kittens and a nuke bomb at Potter456, and they almost destroyed the wizard-bitch. Black Jesus and that-yellow-Pokemon floated into the vicinity, and finished him off with their double-team attack- Gay Love.
The Atlantic Battle
The Antarcic fleet was mobilizing towards The Falklands, with 5 billion soldiers and supplies. They had 500 laser battlecruisers, while the USA Imperial fleet had 1000. The Antarctic fleet was intercepted by the Imperial fleet and sunk, although they managed to destroy the imperial fleet too. A young penguin sailor tells us what happened: "We only had one laser battleship left, the asshole. So did they. We fiered at the same time as them. The shots got together in the air, creating a nuclear explosion, and all the normal non-ice-cyborg living things died in a range of 100 miles, including me...". Happily for the SA the Antarctic ice-cyborgs were nuclear explosion-proof, and they could swim, therefore the 5 billion cyborgs got to The Falklands.
The Battle of Falk
The Antarcic cyborgs got to the port of Falk just in time, for the army of 100 million fish-cyborgs of The falklands were being attacked by 7.5 billion rangers from the USA. Both sides beat the crap out of each other. In a battle-rage, Penguinen Von Whiskey charged against the Imperial cyborg of Mickey Mouse, killing 267,926 Rangers with meele in his way. He ripped Mickey´s intsttines out. (If you want to imagine how this looked like, it has been dramatized in LOTR, when Isildur cuts Sauron´s finger off). All the kids of the world cried and said "OMFG Mickey died!". Then the Rangers were butchered.
The Battle of "La Chakitakya"
Tranz Joseph mobilized his Steve Irwin-cyborgs and his Crocodile Dundee-Rangers (a total of 3 billion soldiers to USA itself from the West. Alejando Toledo with 2 billion Copper-Cyborgs from the south, and Penguinen Von Whiskey and Enver Bey with 5.1 billion fish-in-ice fusioned Cyborgs from the East. They took all without resistance, except when they got to Springfield, where the newly elected chairman, Gil Grisom, had created a mass destruction button who killed everyone in the SA army but Alejandro Toledo. After he got exposed to mass destruction, he became Akejandro Choledo, and he stabbed Gil Grissom to death with a chakitakya.
The Battle of Switzerland
This whole time, Switzerland was bragging about being the only country in the world that hadn't taken a side in any of the 19 previous world wars. Then, in a small pub near the outskirts of Berne, two old geezers, Wally and Haroldo, got into an argument over who was going to win WWXX. The arguments got so intense that Wally clubbed Haroldo over the head with a full glass of ale, and then got slapped in the face by Jessica the bartendress. The worldwide media latched on the incident, allegedly the first instance of conflict ever recorded in the history of Switzerland. Switzerland, mortified, excommunicated Wally, Jessica, and what was left of Haroldo to a life of seclusion deep in the Alps, and sadly hung it's head in shame over the end of their 19-war neutrality streak. To add salt to the injury, the Swiss military (very reluctantly) agreed to allow a French Army unit destroy a local SA-supported terrorist cell. The Swiss have never been the same, and the quality of their chocolate, has sadly suffered.
The End of the War
Not Really, America thinks that
SA wins. The rest of the world, losing their Alpha-dog position, resorted to teasing Switzerland incessantly for the next 356 years. Until World War XXI
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