World War XXI

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search

“I've covered this war.”

~ Frank West on World War XXI


~ Tom Cruise (after going bat fuck insane) on World War XXI

“I hate time travel.”

~ Marty McFly on The Time War
World War XXI
Part of Major Global Conflicts
Allied soldiers.jpg

Zimbabwean, British and Calvinserstani soldiers in Zereland, the one in the foreground helmet-less.
Date 2150-2156(it was a TIME WAR)
Location Everywhere
Result British Empire becomes a superpower again , USA becomes trade juggernaut and superpower status is restored, Fourth Reich disbanded, Chinese Empire's colonies gain independence, Spanish Empire's influence declines, Tom Cruise and the Time Troopers get trapped in the past, the Nobodies are erased by the King of Gay Smiles Filipino Empire starts to break up into two empires and civil war commences.
British Empire gets most of Southeast Asia (excluding China),various islands in the Indian ocean and most of Africa, America re-established as a major world power and stations troops at every major trade junction in China, Allied troops establish major military bases in central Europe, Spanish Empire's colonies are successfuly defended, Canada's status as a world power is consolidated, France re-emerges as a major food superpower. India reiterates itself as a world power due to sheer numbers.
UnitedKingdom.jpg British Empire

22px-Flag of United States.png United States
22px-Flag of France.png France
22px-Flag of Australia.png Australia
Icon flag-Jp.png Japan (in the late stage of the war)
Canada flag.gif Canadian Empire
Old New Zealand Flag.png New Zealand
Mex.gif Spanish Empire
War of the Flags.PNG Duchy of Brazil (Spanish colony)
Green.png Rock Band
FlagOfTheUnitedTrafficSignAssociation.PNG the Socialist Empire of Trevada
US-Map-of-Africa.png African Alliance
Dancing Banana.gif The Commonwealth of Calvinserstan
Police brutality01.gif Zimbabwe
Borat Flag.JPG Kazakhstan
Imperial.jpgVarious other countries and colonies of the Allies

Prussian Flag.PNGThe Fourth Reich

Kfcstalinsexiest.JPG Orthodox Republic of Zereland (or Zereland for short)
Icon flag-Jp.png Japan (allied with Filipino Empire)
Philippine Empire.PNG The Filipino Empire
22px-Flag of Italy.png Italy (allied to Fourth Reich)
Soviet Flag.jpg Siberian Alliance
Icons-flag-fi.png Finland (part of Siberian Alliance))
Albflag2.png Albania(allied with Fourth Reich)
22px-Flag of China.png Glorious People's Republic of Greatest Nation on Earth Democracy and Freedom of Speech Forbidden All Hail Mao He Is Greatest Man Who Ever Live All Hail Glorious Chinese Empire
NobodySymbol.jpg The World That Said It Never Was
EmpireSymbol.png The Empire (alllied with the Filipino Empire)
SouthParkHD.png Southparka
PETORIA.gif Funny Union of Petoria
Various other powers and colonies of the Axis
United Republics of Dumbfuckistan

UnitedKingdom.jpg King George VI

22px-Flag of France.png Armand Le Testu (mocked by the Allies for his last name)
22px-Flag of United States.png President Jesus "T3h Graet"
Imperial.jpg Vexen Who no one gives a crap about.
Mex.gif King Mickey Mouse XXX (known for his love of porn)
Green.png Kurt Cobain Is that a fucking bear?
Dancing Banana.gif Mecha Ali
Police brutality01.gif The Zimbabwean Terminator
Borat Flag.JPG Mecha Borat
Icon flag-Jp.pngKing of Gay Smiles
US-Map-of-Africa.png Nelson of South Africa
FlagOfTheUnitedTrafficSignAssociation.PNG Mecha-Irwin

Prussian Flag.PNG Tom Cruise

Prussian Flag.PNG Oprah Winfrey
Prussian Flag.PNG Erwin Rommel
22px-Flag of China.png ROFLMAO
Soviet Flag.jpg Joseph Stalin
Icon flag-Jp.png Emperor Godzilla of Glorious Empire of Japan
Icon flag-Jp.png That dog on steroids with silver hair
PhilippineEmpire Seal.PNG Empress Amidada v2.0
Albflag2.png El Fucktard
NobodySymbol.jpg Darth Mansex
Kfcstalinsexiest.JPG General Harland Sanders
EmpireSymbol.png Darth Dubya
KENNY!.png Kenny McCormick of Southparka
180px-Darthchef.png Darth Chef of Southparka
PETORIA.gif Peter Griffin
PETORIA.gif Stewie Griffin

  • USA: 7,400,000 dead/wounded
  • UK: 4,500,000 dead/wounded
  • Canadian Empire: 5,000,000 dead/wounded
  • India: 8,000,000 dead/wounded
  • France: 1,150,000 (40,000 glorious tons of cheese lost as well)
  • The Socialist Empire of Trevada: 4 million dead/ 2.872,059,000 wounded
  • The Commonwealth of Calvinserstan: 3 million dead/2.6 million and 4 wounded
  • Zimbabwe: 560 dead and wounded
  • The African Alliance: 2.5 million dead/60,000 wounded
  • Kazakhstan: 100,000 dead and 100 wounded including Gen. Borat
  • Central European countries (those that resisted the Germans):15,000,000 dead/wounded
  • Spanish Empire: 12,000,000 dead/wounded
  • A Fucking Bear

Civilian dead:

  • USA: 20,000,000 (due to bombing raids)
  • UK: 6,500,000
  • The Socialist Empire of Trevada: 1 million dead/ 59,000 wounded and a pretty mermaid
  • The Commonwealth of Calvinserstan: 4,000 dead/1 million and 1 wounded and a penguin
  • Zimbabwe: 1,000 dead and wounded
  • The African Alliance: 2 million dead/700,000 wounded and a bunch of animals
  • Kazakhstan: 1 million dead and 100,011 wounded
  • India:2,000,000 (50,000,000 more were produced to compensate the losses)
  • Central European countries: Almost everyone

Total dead:
A whole shitload

  • Germany: 10,000,000 dead/wounded
  • Siberian Alliance:25,000,000 dead/wounded
  • Orthodox Republic of Zereland: 10,674 dead/ 300 wounded
  • Japan:6,000,000 dead/wounded
  • Finland:4,000,000 dead/wounded
  • Albania:5,000,000 dead/wounded
  • Southparka: Everyone who enlisted except Kyle and Kenny
  • Chinese Empire: Too many for numbers to count...and that's just the dead
  • Filipino Empire: 90,000,000 wounded, 57,000,000 dead
  • Dumbfuckistan: 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 POW
  • 13 Nobodies
  • Some random asshole no one cares about

Civilian dead:

  • Germany: 6,000,000
  • Siberian Alliance: 20,000,000
  • Southparka: 1,770 dead/ 30 wounded
  • Orthodox Republic of Zereland: 1,410,674 dead/ 30,009 wounded
  • Filipino Empire: 331,337,031,337,001,337,000,337,000,037,000,007,000,000,000
  • Chinese Empire: Again, too many for numbers to count
  • Petoria: 3 dead, 40 wounded

Total dead:
A whole fucking shitload

World War XXI (also called The Time War and The Mecha War because of the resurrection of many dead generals including William Taft and Michal Jacson) was a huge freakin conflict that enveloped the entire world (hence the name). The outcome was an Allied victory, avenging the humiliation they suffered in WWIII.


After America was invaded and partitioned between the Axis of Evil, there was a major reorganization of world powers, with Russia and North Korea ending up heading the world. The British and Canadians had survived, but over 12 million Americans died in the brutal occupation of the USA. Britain had survived yet another World War, but its power had been greatly diminished. Secretly, Britain, the Canadian Empire, and their allies in WWIII signed a pact for secret military buildup to liberate the USA. However, when World War IV was fought, the USA was liberated, when World War V was finished, Russia had split in half. It appeared the balance of power had been restored, but the Siberian Alliance still existed, and was planning a massive counterattack against the victorious Allies...

In the fall of 2148, there was significant protests occuring in the Southern Empire. They were protesting the death of a reporter with a long name and the taxation on Porn magazines. The Southern militia then shot the protesters, creating the Seccession Party, which declared war on the Southern Goverment, effectively plunging the mighty empire into a civil war. By Summer of 2149, the SP was winning and captured the capital Sofia, ending the Southern Empire and creating the Orthodox Republic of Zereland.

Meanwhile, mayor election are held in South Park and Eric Cartman bets Kyle that he'll become mayor without running and he secretly rigs the election and the outcome is that everyone voted for Cartman. He immediately assumes power and tricks all of Colorado, California, Utah, Arizona, Oregon, Nevada, Washington and Idaho into seceding the union and become the new nation of Southparka and makes South Park the capital. He then secretly makes plans to start a new Reich to murder the Jews...

Outbreak of War[edit]

The Chinese Empire, Zereland, Southparka, the United Republics of Dumbfuckistan and the German Empire (aka the Fourth Reich) were all in on the plan as well. As soon as the order was given, they attacked with consummate skill and brutality. The Chinese swept across Mesopotamia, the Zerelanders invading Turkey, Iraq, Spain and Egypt, the Germans thrust across the Netherlands, Northern France and Belgium and into Africa and Italy, with Southparka invading the land west of the Mississippi, western Canada, and the Southwest that refused to submit under Cartman's rule, while the Siberian Alliance set about taking over valuable Allied ports and attacking merchant shipping. All this took the Allies totally by suprise, giving the Germans time to strike out at the new Spanish Empire, taking over parts of Mexico and bringing Spain into the war. The Canadians , British and Americans had so far been unaffected, but by this point, northern France looked like the surface of the moon. The Maginot Line II was created, but the French military was not pleased, namely because it didn't have a cool enough name. Eventually the French re-took Northern France, Belgium and parts of the Netherlands, but they were still pretty pissed about the Maginot Line II. Seriously, that does sound pretty retarded.

"I want YOU, whoever the hell you are!"

Upon the outbreak of war, the Allies sanctioned the formation of a special regiment known as the 'Time Troopers'. Hand picked for bravery and valor, the Time Troopers were a powerful force. The Allies had created a makeshift time machine, and the mission of the Time Troopers was to go back in time and kill Tom Cruise before he could come to power. The Troopers were led by none other than the experienced Wing Commander Marty McFly (who coincidentally hated time travel), and was comprised of 4 others- Tom Hanks, Jimi Hendrix, Darth Vader and the fabled Chuck Norris. Within 2 weeks they had gone back in time, but their first adventure wasn't going to go exactly as planned...

Allies on the defensive[edit]

Almost immediately, Nazi bombers began air raids on the Southern United States, devastating the cities of Austin, New Orleans and Los Angeles with carpet bombing. The Americans responded by sending out the Air Force to beat the Germans in the sky. The Germans also carpet bombed Mexico City quite often, hoping to enforce the Spanish Colony of Mexico to surrender to German forces. The air battle between the Americans and Germans was brutal, with entire battlegroups of fighters and bombers being destroyed daily on both sides.

India, meanwhile, was under heavy assault courtesy of the Chinese Empire. Though the Chinese human wave attacks succeded in overruning Northeast India, the Indians set up a defensive line stretching form the current front to the mountains of Nepal and the Kush. Named the Capitalist Line, the human wave attacks came to nothing against a solid screen of barbed wire, tanks, machine guns, and freedom of speech supported by massive amounts of consumerism. General Gandhi ordered the Indian troops not to fire until shot in the head first.

The SET resurrected Steve Irwin by putting his head in a jar and put the jar on a Stingray-proof robot body and leads them to war against China and Southparka. The COC also did that with Ali G (who died in a bar fight) and Kazakhstan did the same with Borat (he was still alive, so someone shot him then put his head on the Mecha). In Zimbabwe, the Zimbabweans coated Robert Mugabe with Terminator Goo and by becoming the new superhero, The Zimbabwean Terminator, he can now morph into anything, can fly, can eat anything, can make anyone fat by using his brain, can run superfast, looks very sexy and is glow-in-the-dark (which is a setback when battling at night).

Britain's impressive navy, rebuilt since the Second World War, set about blockading German ports in Central Europe and abroad, as well as soudnly trouncing the pathetic Siberian Alliance fleet. However, they were constantly under attack from Dumbfuckistani aircraft, which kept them from landing troops to aid France. The French gambled on one last offensive, and marched out of the Maginot Line II, screaming for blood. Unfortunately, Dumfuckistani commando forces quickly forced them to entrench outside of the Maginot Line II, forcing them to create a Maginot Line III. The Dumbfuckistanis accuse the French of "turtling", to which they respond "stfu noob".

Field Marshal Oprah Winfrey, commanding the Axis forces in Europe, launched an all-out attack on Africa, most of which was controlled by France. The Germans attacked with great speed, quickly sezing many small countries and building up Germany's economy. Oprah's reputation soared for this and she was promoted to Overall Field Commander for the German forces by Tom Cruise, although this would prove to be a nasty mistake in the later stages of the war.

The Time War Goes On[edit]

In the meantime, the Time Troopers arrived in 2135 to kill Cruise. However, they soon discovered a nasty surprise-Cruise had been waiting for them, with two other Tom Cruises-one from the past, and one from the future. He'd also brought a large force of German Time Lords. There was a huge firefight, but just when it seemed that it would never end, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked all the Time Lords into oblivion. The three Tom Cruises escaped into the time portal, and the Troopers followed. Hendrix was the first one out of the portal, but as soon as he stepped out he was shot by Cruise, dying on the spot. At that point Present Tom Cruise opened up another time portal and fled to the future, which is technically the present, but to Future Tom Cruise it would actually be the past, but the point is he went to the year 2150. McFly shot Future Tom Cruise (not the one from 2150 but the even more futuristic one, say, from the year 2350) and then turned on Past Tom Cruise, whose death would kill the Future Tom Cruise (not the one who's already dead, the other Future Tom Cruise, the one who used to be Present Tom Cruise and is now in the year 2150) and fired, but Past Tom Cruise escaped in a Time Portal, escaping to the past, which would technically be the present to the people of the past but the future to the people of the reaaaally distant past and the far future to Jesus. It was at this point McFly revealed that he 'fucking hates time travel'.

War in Africa[edit]

Although all of the African countries (except Zimbabwe and Sudan), declared that they won't go to war (those big babies), all of the countries (except Zimbabwe) reformed the African Alliance and have been secretly selling guns and nukes to the allies and been secretly sending soldiers to fight in North America and Europe. this wasn't found out until 2151 when the Zerelanders cracked a message that said a shipment of rockets will be sold to the Allies in Somalia. When the shipment arrived, Zereland warships attacked the port for eight days until they captured Eastern Africa. The African Alliance broke their promise and immediately declare war on the Axis of Evil and after resurrecting Nelson Mandela (by putting his head in a jar and putting the Jar on a robot body) they appoint him as general of the AA. The AA soon won many battles and pushed Zereland out of Africa. France, meanwhile, wandered into the area, and decided to re-take Tunisia, Morocco, and Algeria, to which the Axis forces got pissed off and attacked the colonial garrisons there. However, they are immediately halted by the French tossing sand into their eyes, and they beat a hasty retreat.

Pacific War[edit]

The war in the Pacific was going at a much faster pace than the one in Europe. Australia was invaded by China and was quickly beaten back amidst a hail of 'crikeys' and other Australian expletives. Soon, they only held the Southeastern area of their country, but began a spirited counterattack from there, using the higher quality of their troops to slaughter the Chinese in evenly-matched battles. China responded by painting the Australian rifles with lead, killing exactly 2.5 men: a not-so crippling blow indeed.

The American navy was far closer to the Pacific front than the Royal Navy, which was off in Europe, so it set out to fight the Chinese. Repeating the island-hopping strategy of WWII, the Americans seized various small islands from the Chinese. But these gains were dearly bought:many Americans ran out of ammo from shooting so many Chinese, and were eventually smothered to death by the sheer number of Chinese corpses around them. America also deployed its vast and technologically advanced navy to the pacific, but loses were heavey and entire carrier groups were sunk by the sheer amount of sinking Chinese ships around them. By a year into the war, the US had five complete fleets deployed to fight the Chinese and aid the Australians.

Tom Cruise commanded the German forces overall but he took interest in the Pacific Front, mostly on the island of New Guinea. He equipped his troops with surfboards to use as portable shields; they proved devastatingly effective at blocking the bullets of the Allies... if 'bullets' means 'pebbles' and 'blocking' means 'splintering on contact'. Nonetheless, Cruise was appointed Chancellor of the Fourth Reich and the leader of the Axis of Evil.

The world after the Axis 'lightning krieg blitz'
  • Blue:USA, Britain, United Republics of Dumbfuckistan(in the middle east)
  • Yellow:France's reborn empire. (They're still whining that they can't have Quebec)
  • Black: Fourth Reich
  • Orange: Chinese/Filipino Empire
  • Red:Canadian Empire/Australia 9in the southeast corner of, well, Australia)
  • Maroon:Siberian Alliance
  • Brown:India
  • Green:Spanish Empire/Duchy of Brazil
  • Dark Blue:Bikini Bottom Empire

The Germans are halted[edit]

Eventually, the German lightning krieg blitz in the Americas ran out of steam, mostly due to the fact they didn't even have a freakin commander in the first place. The Americans began winning the battle in the air, and their bombers wreaked havoc on the advancing German armies, playing 'terrible American music' (in the words of the Germans) from wing-mounted speakers. This, coupled with vicious counterattacks by Spanish guerillas/gorillas, was a constant drain on German manpower. Eventually, the Germans were ground to a halt just south of Mexico City, which was within comfortable distance of the German long range guns. The populace of the city suffered horribly under the bombardment, with many taco stands being destroyed, but with German forces pinned by American bombers, it allowed the routing Spanish to regroup in the lowlands of Central Mexico and launch a shattering counterattack. This counterattack soundly routed the Germans, who were mega pissed off that a bunch of beaners beat them, but the only person that could change the past was Marty McFly, and he was American, and actually the cause of this whole fucking war, so they had to suck it up.

A British soldier reflects on the night before the first major Allied offensive.

Meanwhile, Dumbfuckistan had suffered from an oil crisis due to the lack of greasy people in the country (all the fat people were deported to fight on the front) and so was unable to produce fuel for its planes. As such, the British were free to land troops in Europe, and proceeded to advance through the Netherlands and France. They fought many vicious battles against the Germans, but the UK had air and naval support while the Germans didn't. People died dramatically and cool awesome futuristic weaponry and armor were used as the British thrust into Europe...and Europe liked it.

Tom Cruise at an Axis of Evil rally. Note the eyepatch:he 'gave' his eye to the Church of Scientology(Conservapedia).

Oprah Winfrey sent her elite German troops to attack the British, but the British 2nd and 8th Armies, the ones facing the Germans, had lots of artillery, planes, and offshore support:they were still within range of the Royal Navy's guns. Most of Oprah's troops were killed before they even reached the British line, where they were repulsed. Oprah was demoted and sent to Dumbfuckistan, and Rommel was placed in command. He stopped the rout, setting up a defensive line to block the British advance and taking 'elite' Dumbfuckistani troops out of the frontlines. The war in France settled into stalemate as the French were threatening Rommel's troops with "farting in their general direction".

Cruise returned to Europe during this time, withdrew Italian troops from south of the Black Forest,and ordered the mighty, unbeatable, never-defeated Dumbfuckistanis to hold the German line south of the Black Forest, which they would do very effectively.

No, really.

The Time War Goes On, Pt. II: The Sequel[edit]

In the meantime the remaining Time Troopers had discarded the body of Future Tom Cruise and followed the Past Tom Cruise throughout time, pursuing him through the 1400s, the 80s, the 23832938329832980s and the -820s. In the 1990s they were confronted by none other than the supremely diabolical Dr. Evil, who had agreed to help Cruise thwart the Time Troopers if Cruise would help him kill Austin Powers. Vader charged Dr. Evil but was quickly attacked and had his metal sphincter bitten off by Mini-Me, and Chuck Norris himself had a hole blasted in his chest by Dr. Evil's ray gun. But Tom Hanks managed to distract Dr. Evil with his dead-on impression of an idiot, allowing McFly to open up another Time Portal for them to escape in without getting shot. Past Cruise managed to stay just out of the Time Troopers' grasp, and it was at this point McFly revealed he was 'fucking sick of goddamn motherfucking shit eating dick sucking time travel'.

A Setback for China[edit]

In the meantime, the Canadians had deployed their navy to assist the Americans, but the sheer numbers of the Glorious Chinese Navy in their small reed and bamboo canoes were destroying many of the massive cool awesome ships of the American-Canadian alliance. However, the Americans and Canadians eventually exploited a breakthrough and seized most of Indonesia and New Guinea from the Germans and Chinese.

Australia, in the meantime, was finally pizz0wning some Chinese nubcakes. Soon, most of Australia was back in Australian hands and the Chinese were being steadily driven back. In addition, the Chinese fleet was under heavy attack and couldn't land fresh troops and supplies to stop the ever-pwning Australian army. This, coupled with reinforcements from New Zealand as well as constant air raids on the poorly organised Chinese, assured an Allied victory in Australia.

The 'Glorious People's Chinese Google' put into use by China during the war.

The Royal Navy finally arrived near the Indian subcontinent, and landed troops in Singapore. The city was occupied by so many Chinese that an assault by the joint British-Indian forces would have been futile. As such, the British sent a transmission into the city, asking the Chinese (in terrible English) if they wanted 'boobyzs magnets'. The Chinese sent a transmission back: "How are you gentelmenn? We are chineese we get ur transmushin. We want ask u question:on how to get the girl with bigg titz...below as in no hair. One day we go to car store go get car. We talk to guy Mr. American (big strong guy with massive khram!) to ask if we get car. He say 'ya check tihs 1 out its a titz magnet.' and we wuz all liek 'd00d we wantz t3h boobz magnet YA!' better than those cars over cross the street. come we no get gurls with t3h boobiez which are big? we go try talk to them but they just say 'don't talk to me bout big boobiez, nanananana' and slap us but we just slap back the stoopid hores :) y no girl try to make sexual intercom with us? y???? plz make helpings on how to get gurlz??!?!??!?!?!"

The British didn't understand what the hell the message signified, but they said they would help the Chinese if they all jumped into the ocean, which they did, displacing enough water to flood Antartica...which they did. Nobody wanted that continent anyway. After that, the British occupied Singapore, and began a brutal fight North into Burma, Vietnam, Laos, and Thailand, attacked at everyturn by noodle-wielding Chinese hurling deadly rice grenades painted with cheap lead to make them look menacing.

Siberian Front[edit]

The Siberian Alliance quickly deployed soldiers around the globe, particularly in Western Europe to help destroy the British. However, this left them open to attack from the Canadians, who began a vicious bombing campaign against Siberian cities, dropping thousands of tons of highly flammable alcohol nightly. The Siberian soldiers, while great in number, were generally poorly trained and were quickly overwhelmed when Canadian troops landed in Eastern Siberia. However, the Siberian air force responded, and Japan's navy engaged that of the Canadians, cutting off the stranded Canadian 3rd Army from supply. Bravely, although more likely driven by a quest for alcohol, Canadian troops pushed inland, suffering heavy casualties but making a dent nonetheless.

Invasion of the Middle East[edit]

Deciding to take the fight to the Dumbfuckistanis, the US launched a naval and airborne assault on Mesopotamia, where few German troops were concentrated.. They were met with fierce resistance by the elite Dumfuckistani shock troopers, who were basically walls of fat on legs. The immense amount of blubber on their bodies could soak up hundreds of bullets, and it was in this theatre that the US would suffer the most casualties.

They quickly deployed heavy artillery against the shock troops, with limited success. Airborne strikes proved far more effective, and soon, American forces were advancing into Persia (oh those silly gay Persians) to capture the Dumfuckistani capital...Fuckhdad.

One of the elite Dumfuckistani shock troopers, in captivity. They were rarely this fit or docile.

Final Stages of the War[edit]


The Americans, French and Canadians had all landed troops in the Netherlands and Belgium and quickly arrived at the frontlines to aid the British, who were heavily engaged with the Germans, Italians, Albanians, Siberians and Dumbfuckistanis. It was only through a strategy of grinding down enemy troops through a mix of artillery, bombers, tanks, offshore support and threats of deporting Madonna to Germany that the British had managed to survive this long against the huge numbers of enemy troops, particularly the Germans, who were by far the biggest threat. Now they had enough troops to take the offensive, but the weary British, with many wounded and dead, wouldn't make an effective spearhead force. This fell to the Americans, who distinguished themselves in the thrust across Northern France, breaking through German lines as the Canadians and French mopped up behind them. Once the British had been given enough time to rest, they joined the Americans on the frontlines. Soon, the Netherlands had been liberated, but only after they mistakenly surrendered to the victorious Allies entering Amsterdam. The Allies used a strategy of using tanks to punch through enemy lines while troops followed behind.

From there, the war in Europe came to a standstill, with neither side able to exploit a breakthrough. Offensives were costly and gains could be measured at an inch for every man fallen. The Allies did not use the Maginot Line II or III, as both were considered "too noobish", to a much resentful France. Both sides considered using nukes, but this was quickly dismissed: the colossal numbers of Chinese would provide a protective screen if nukes were launched at the Axis, and the Hand of God would protect the Allies if nukes were launched at them.

However, living up to their name, Dumbfuckistan made a huge and unbelievably stupid mistake. While their leader was orchestrating mass orgies in the Dumbfuckistani capital, Fuckhdad, he left one of his junior generals in command of the Dumbfuckistani Air Force. Because the general was a complete idiot (he was only 7 years old), he ordered every single fighter plane the Dumbfuckistanis had to crash into the defensive Italian line south of the Black Forest. As such, the defensive line of the Fourth Reich was broken.

The French were the first to exploit this breach, advancing down the Italian peninsula and removing those pizza-loving peeps from the war. (They later pillaged Italy of all its pasta and pizza).

The Americans decided to initiate a massive aerial campaign into Germany itself, devastating the Fatherland with leaflets saying "you all are faggots".

Next came the British, who swept through the breach and upwards into central Germany, fighting many hard-fought battles against the iron-willed Germans along the way, who by now fought only for the sake of stopping the British from deporting all the gays, chavs, Madonnas and Pakis from Britain to Germany, leaving only Britons in Britain.

After that came the Canadians, who swept eastward into the territory of the Siberians, quickly devastating the area in their search for alcohol. Albania was also invaded, and put up a gallant resistance to US forces, if 'resistance' means 'surrendering' and 'gallant' means 'ohfuckdontshootus'.

His Majesty Mickey Mouse of the Spanish Empire. He ruled the greatest empire of its day, but it declined during his reign. He was assassinated by the Allies for his radical ideals after the war ended.

Italy surrendered as soon as French troops got within visual range of Rome, and Siberia capitulated as soon as they found out the Canadians had reached the vodka factories of Eastern Siberia and stolen or destroyed their vodka supply.

Meanwhile, German officials were urging Cruise to surrender. He had built up his own power base within Germany's government and wasn't ready to let it go, but he agreed to surrender 'for the people'. He sent his subordinate David Hasselhoff to surrender. As he walked out of Berlin, a white surfboard hoisted over his head, the Allies thought it was a nuke and filled The Hoff with so many bullets that his best friend (or freund in German) couldn't have recognized the body. 'Twas a bitter end, but the trillion-dollar surfboard was unharmed and given to His Imperial Majesty Mickey Mouse of the Spanish Empire, Duke of Brazil, King of Mexico and Lord of Tacos. The Allies attatched a nuclear device to it before they sent it to him, of course. Nobody ever liked him anyway.

In the end, Rock Band, who nobody cared about, came out from behind and eliminated the Axis leaders. Didn't expect that, did you bitch?


The American and Canadian navies had already seized most of the islands in the Pacific by the time the Royal Navy showed up to deliver a sledgehammer blow against the Chinese. The Chinese took this the wrong way, however, and when they all came to the beaches of their islands with their pants unzipped they were slaughtered by the force of all the navies. Japan sided with the US in the later stages of the war, and landed in mainland China several weeks later in support of Allied troops. ROFLMAO ordered that all the Chinese should throw themselves at the Allies until the Allies ran out of ammo, but for the first time in history, Chinese numbers were going down. The master stratagem failed, even if it left the Allies with 1 bullet per soldier.

Meanwhile, British forces pushed forward in Burma, engaging in more brutal jungle warfare against the Chinese, who were still hoping for a 'boobyzs magnett'. They linked up with the Indians and surrounded the Chinese remaining on the Indian subcontinent. The Chinese heroically tried to displace the oxygen in the air with the corpses of their fallen troops, throwing themselves at the British and Indian lines, but their master plan failed miserably, ending with the slaughter of over (insert newly invented number here) Chinese. China capitulated soon afterwards, but not before nuking the fuck out of Dumbfuckistan. The Indians, meanwhile, had finally broken through the Chinese lines at the time of the surrender, and had captured Tibet and made serious advances into central China.

France had decided to, yet again, re-take French Indochina, but the locals there did not like the food the French had brought with them, and so initiated a guerilla war against them. Sighing with both anger and disappointment, the French decided not to re-colonize Indochina. This time, the Americans did not bother with a war to avenge the French defeat, they just nuked the fucking place and loled.

In the meantime, Cruise's troops were being driven off New Guinea by American, New Zealand and Australian troops. They retreated into the Chinese half of the island, but they were eventually driven off there, too.

North America[edit]

The allies troops and America invaded Southparka in the fall and managed to capture South Park and topple Cartman's government. Mecha Ali was foiled by her daughter, Dora from blowing up Cartman with a grenade launcher, saying that Southparka will be a democracy and should help the citizens rebuild their shattered town and that Cartman will have a fair trial. When she was jibber-jabbing away, Mecha-Irwin stabs Cartman to death with the stingray that killed him and takes all the credit. He's hailed as a war hero and get free products. Upset that he didn't get to kill Cartman, Mecha Ali says to Dora that he has no Daughter to her face and Dora, who's heartbroken, goes to McDonald's and binges herself with hamburgers until she weighted 2,000 pounds.

An American soldier lines up a target in Arizona.

The Time War Ends:And What A Long And Horribly Fucked Up Road It's Been[edit]

The Time Troopers had finally tracked Past Cruise to the 1980s. Trapped in a Hollywood movie studio, Cruise was about to open up another Time Portal when McFly activated the Time Flux Overload Capacitor, thereby preventing any and all wormholes to the past, present or future from being opened. The Time Troopers had imprisoned themselves in the past for the good of humanity. In the year 2156, the original Tom Cruise blinked out of existence. Marty McFly screamed with joy as he realized that he wouldn't have to deal with any more time travel. Tom Cruise realized his time was almost up, and as he prepared for a fight against McFly, Vader, Norris and Hanks, a movie director walked in and gave them all jobs as actors.


The war cost many, many lives, but the balance of power before World War III was effectively restored. In the postwar peace settlement, Britain refounded its Empire by getting most of Africa and many of the islands in the Indian Ocean, as well as the Burmese peninsula. The Americans stationed troops at every major trade junction in China to prevent China from becoming a total economic superpower, the Fourth Reich was deposed, and Germany became a republic.

"The war has been won...but at what cost to humanity?"

The Mechas got to live until the end of time. Mecha Borat became the new President of Kazakhstan. Mecha-Irwin became an documentarist again and proudly owns a shop that sells dead stingrays. Mecha Ali, who's childless now, becomes a playboy and a self-made millionaire. Mugabe becomes a US senator and Darth Chef is now a manager of a successful boy band (the Jonas Brothers if you want to know).

France is currently in negotiation with the Canadian Empire to trade Ireland for Quebec, as they don't like Ireland's drunken habits.

Oh, and the Canadians crippled the Siberian economy by stealing all their vodka. Isn't that nice?

Keith Richards is now king of the world, along with his queen before he killed her. Keith Richards killed his queen so he could snort her as in his long life time he began to run out of drugs. He is now considering marriage to the Columbia drug lords.

Marty McFly starred in an award-winning documentary called Back to the Future made about his exploits in the Time War. Originally he refused to star in it, saying he was 'sick of time travel', but when he was offered millions he decided maybe time travel wasn't so bad after all. In fact, it was fucking awesome. Tom Hanks used his impression of an idiot to make millions and gather up huge amounts of awards. Vader starred in a famous science fiction series known as Pimp my Death Star. Tom Cruise went bat fuck insane over the loss of his German Empire and joined a strange cult of people devoted to restoring the Fourth Reich's power in the past, known only as the Science Guys. And Chuck Norris used his futuristic roundhouse kick to beat the shit out of everybody.

It is also rumoured to be the Penultimate World War (succeeded by The Last World War) although these claims have been denied by the USA who want another follow-up, hopefully with more ninjas and wizards.

World Wars
I | II | II ½ | III | IV | VI |
The Second World War II | World War Revolution | World War Collectors Boxset | The Video Game | The Sequel to the Video Game | The Board game| The Film | World War What | World War Craft