Worst 100 Porn Movies of All Time

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"How do you people jack off to this shit?!"

~ Oscar Wilde

how can you have a list of porn films and not include fun with dick in jane?

~ various people, including haselmere paedophile james Evans

What Makes a bad Porn Movie?[edit]

Before we can begin to identify the worst 100 porn movies of all time, we need to first define what a bad porn movie is. Unlike regular movies, porn does not need to focus that much on plot or character development. No, the point of a porn movie is to get your rocks off. Thus, the issue probably boils down to this: Would most connoisseurs of porn consider the film to be jackoffable, or jackawful?

The List[edit]

According to God's True Word, the following are the worst 100* porn movies ever made.** Readers are required to have their sporks to hand.

* God does not care to count this list too closely, and believers are wise not to criticise divine numeration policy.

** Some movies may not in fact be porn.

200 to 101[edit]

135. Nuns Gone Wild
Who says nuns can't have fun too?
134.The Sex before Time
Where The Fucking MotherFuckers with Morfean Have Sex Males 'n' Females and Males and ThemSelves The First Part is Where LittleFoot Fucks a Fucking Shitsabushi Panzer (Lancer) Evolution 1988 to 2020. Motherfucking Arsehole that sucks fucking shit
133. Assino Royale
This 1968 Sequel to "Casino Royale" had the same cast and yet...no one was naked....Actually, Scrooge McDuck, Austin Powers, and a streaker were naked, but all their private parts weren't seen.
132. Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs
Here's a gay porn flick where a gay guy (Nathan Lane) tries to get it on with anyone such as Matthew Broderick. This film was meant to be an anti-gay porn film...but it failed in that too!
131. Ruff and Reddy
This was a movie that starred nobody and no bodies...that were naked since nobody was in it, so it's a 90 minute film of nobody.
130. A Cockwork Orange
This Stanley Kubrick film contains sex and violence. Even goa tse looked cleaner than this!
129. Head
This is a movie about The Monkees...and sadly, they didn't get Head!
128. Skidoo!
1969 Movie starring Groucho Marx, Carol Channing, and Frank Sinatra as well as many other Hollywood legends. Nilsson provided the music and nudity wasn't in it...except when Carol Channing walked out topless.
127. The RoXXXy Horror Picture Show
(Australia, 1977) 'Nuff said.
126. Denis Ferguson: the movie!
if you can morally jerk off to CP then your pretty fucked up
125. Encyclopedia Dramatica The Movie
Do I really need to tell you why this is a bad porn flick?
124. THUNDERBIRDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THEY ALL HAVE SEX WITH EACH OTHER 24/7 WHEN THEY AREN'T BUSY HAVING SEX WITH THEIR DOG!

123. 1337 H4X0RZ Pr0n
A Bunch of geeks fucking each other. Need I say More?
123.5. Pr0n
If you wank over colorful lights and racing, this is for you!
122. Porn in the USA
121. Summer of 69ing.
120. Knight on the town
This is actually a 1976 musical featuring Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly featuring Linda Ronstadt and Susan Sarandon with music by Procol Harum. (Please Note: This film was the predecessor to Xanadu.)
119. Candy
Featuring Ringo Starr, Marlon Brando, Walter Matthau, Sean Connery, and John Candy.
118. Batman and Robin's Adventures Through Candyland
The plot wasn't sweet enough.
117.Satanic Sluts 5, Through the Back Door OF HELL!
116. The Bible
Full of complete filth
115. War Of The Whores
(USA, 2007) Watch different sluts go at it then have long, boring lame-ass sex...
114. Hump me baby one more time!
do i need to explain why?
113. Desperate Grandmas/Grandma Goes Wild!/GMILF
When Grandma is alone, she bends for anyone!
112. The Little Sperm-maid
(USA, 2000) Disney's one and only foray into hentai nearly destroyed the company.
111. Forrest takes a Dump

(GER, 1998)German Remake of the Tom Hanks classic.

110. Madonna sleeps All the way in an Unusual Sorority in the Blue Sea of Octavius (Copa Cabana 2644)
this one is bad 'cause has way too much porn for only 166 min. Experts agree that it should run for 540 min. app.
109. I know what you did all summer
(Belgium 1987): an independent film about the meaning of masturbation. Spoiler: The transexual with the british acent is actually a turkish actor !
Now picture this after after an hour and 45 minutes...
108. Girls Gone Wilde
(Daytona Beach 2004): Hot sexy girls on spring break are out of control as they stage Oscar Wilde plays and read his books.
107. Jizzface
(USA 2058) The group of attackers at the end of the movie Scarface start a huge bukkake-fest. Features the facialization of Tony Montana's dead corpse.
106.Walking Tall
105. My Ring
(Japan, 2001). Starring that Goatse.cx guy. A thriller movie about the horrors of that ring. Once its seen, theres no escape. Thsi film is so bad, it made What old women want cease to exist.
Once you're in, you never come out!
104. The Italian Handjob
(USA, Italy 1965) Michael Caine discovers just what 5 dollars can get you in the back alleys of Rome. "You were only suppose to blow the bloody doors off."
103. I Can Feel it Coming in the Air Tonight
(UK, 1981) A mockumentary by Phil Collins, who hosts a cum-shooting contest. The soundtrack was a bigger hit than the film itself.
102. The Sisters Grimm
(USA, 2005) Sequel to The Brothers Grimm, in which the brothers dress up as their non-existent sisters.
101. The Cars That Ate Paris
(France, 2004) Paris Hilton is devoured by cars in a bad case of auto-fellatio.

100 to 91[edit]

100. Sir Lancelot Gets Lanced A Lot
(USA, 1975) Not much to note, other then Sir Lancelot is impaled on the end of a giant "lance" while naked.
99. Your Body and You - Part 2, Coitus and Reproduction
(USA 1954) Describes the mechanics of human sexual intercourse, using only cheap animated stills. Most noted for a lack of a money shot.
98. Ernest Goes to the Red Light District
(MB 1992) The bumbling Ernest accidentally stumbles upon a life of crime, sex, and dirty money. Hilarity ensues.
97. Lord of the Cock Rings - The Two Ta-Ta's
(New Zealand, 2002). Part two in the Lord of the Cock Rings Trilogy. Gimli performs a "Helm's Deep" on Legolas (please don't use your imagination).
96. Shame On Me - The Dan Quisenberry Story
(USA, 1995). Filmed on home video by ball player Dan Quisenberry, this film chronicles his obsession with masturbation while receiving cancer treatment, and was released at his funeral by his wife.
95. Asthmatic Girls in the Smoking Section
(USA, 2002) Considered by some (Bob Thornton) to be one of the "greatest fetish videos of all time." Considered by most (everyone else) to have no substance or hot action whatsoever. Even Jesse Helms asked, "Where's that steamy beaver-bumping action when you need it?"
94. The Flash
(USA, 1992) Low budget. Lone guy with a trenchcoat. Barely pR0n.
93. The Three Stooges Meet Max Hardcore
(USA 1937) The Three Stooges take jobs as stagehands on a Max Hardcore movie. When Max gets sick the boys are asked to fill in for him.
92. The Golden Girls Go Wild
(USA, 2002) The girls test their hip replacements out to the max in this grizzly adventure.
91. Pron
(USA, 1982) A large number of naked girls get trapped inside my computer, I can see them when I open certain folders on my hard drive.

90 to 76[edit]

90. Driving Into Miss Daisy
(USA, 1990) Jessica Tandy needed the money badly.
89. Womb Raider
(USA, 2003) A big breasted adventurer dives beyond the abyss of the cervix.
88. Horny Potter F%%$#ing F$$%@$s the Philosopher in the A#$$
(2001) The ineptly titled porn parody to "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone". Suggestions originally started from Horny Potter and the Philosopher's Bone, and Hairy Porter makes the Philosopher Moan, then degrading into Hairy F$$%$ing Penis makes the Philosopher F%^3ing Groan and so forth. Gradually, the focus of the filmmaking was drawn from the hardcore action to the title. The "crack team" (Ricky and Joey) spent a matter of minutes attempting to agree on a title. It ultimately was doomed to porn obscurity, but remains a testament to half-assed (heh-heh) work in the porn industry.
87. The Jonny Fry Connection
(Ukraine, 1997) A Simple story of a young UCD student who nails a 12 year old child to a tractor.
You DO NOT want to know what happens next..!
86. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Bordels
(USA, 2005) Movie is weak compared to the book, what consisted of hardcore Lesbian action - instead the movie takes us to the Darkest Bordels of the Universe. The movie consists of seven hours of crazy Vogon porn (blowjobs, hand-rubbing and sludging) and Marvin giving cunnilingus to Trillian (critics all over the world have agreed that the best part in the whole movie is where Marvin rubs his enormous head against Trillian's clit and mutters: "What's the point".
85. The Woman in Me
(1995) Shania Twain's first entry into the Porn market was a disappointment in comparison to 'Come On Over' (1999) - released in Holland as "Come On Over (My Pert Boobies)" - and 'Up!' (2002).
84. I saw Mummy Gobbling Santa Claus
(1993) Festive Fun for all the Family.
83. Pokemon Bukkake!
(2003) Pikachu tries to get 'em all.
82. Cheese Fetish
(France, 2002) What some women do with their roquefort - you'll be left hungry after their performance.
81. Innuendo
(USA, 1999) HBO's foray into soft-soft-core porn. Lots of vague talking by fully clothed couples sitting on beds. Each scene ends with the camera panning to the right and going slowly out of focus.
80. Five Go Mad in Dorking
(UK, 1973) Enid Blyton's only foray into the hardcore market sees Julian, Dick, Anne and George joined by John Holmes for a rollicking adventure in the suburbs.
79. 7-Up
(USA, 1998) 7-Up, an Oscar nominated 1998 film, starring Jenna Jameson, was based on Shakespeare's King Lear, and had been THE hit at Cannes upon its release.
78. Sackers
(USA, 1995): Sackers whole point in life was to show off Angelina Jolie in all her facets, and disguise it ever so much by creating a story about teens who spend too much time on MSN.
77. Animal Fun
(Pacific Ocean, 2003) A series of clips involving various common pets with no clothes on. Widely considered to have led to the creation of the Animal Rights movement.
This is NOT Chandler Bang
76. Chandler's List
(USA, 1944) A spin-off from Friends, after the producers noted that Sex in the City scored rather better ratings. "Could it be any sadder?", Chandler Bang's frequent dialogue tries to keep it together, failing miserably. The only highlights are Courtney Cox's full-frontal nude scenes.

75 to 51[edit]

75. 24, Day 3
(Germany, 3001) A real-time episodal porn movie starring Elisha Cuthbert, the main plot revolves around terrorists gang-banging. Noted for the worst camera work ever.
74. Fists of Fury
(Hong Kong, 1972) Badly dubbed Asian Porn.
73. Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Giving Head
(USA, 1993) Christian Applegate goes WAY too far!
72. Ace Ventura, Pet Addictive
(USA 1992) Sweet Jebus NO!
71. Raging Bullhorn
(USA 1954) Not to be confused with the Robert De Niro boxing classic.
70. xxx-men
(USA 2001) the x men find out they are all gay (the critics agree jean grey IS telepathic)
69. Bender Like Beckham
(UK 2002) Homosexual icon demonstrates "keepy uppy" with his balls.
69.5 Check it Before you Reck it!
(Hawaiian 1994) The first documentary about safe sex, demonstrating how to put on a condom incorrectly and the side effects of doing it wrong. Due to it's graphic nature, everyone in the USA wishes to watch it. (5 stars)
68. Dick, Tracy!
(USA 1990) Lovely girl Tracy finds she's not that lovely, and mostly not that girl and exploits her/his new feature.
67. Wilde Wilde Wet
(USA 1999) Produced, performed and directed by Mae West, it's a short movie about her fantasies on Oscar Wilde
66. Horny Potter - The Pornographer's Bone!
(Russia 1842) Young bakers apprentice Horny explores the wonderfful magic of the 'wand'.
65. Biker Nuns on Viagra 3
(USA 1992) Exciting conclusion to the Biker Nuns trilogy sees Mother "Feeling" Superior getting back into her old habits. Guaranteed to send you directly to Hell upon death (whichever comes first, pardon the pun).
64. A Penis is a Warm Gun
(UK 1969) She's not a girl who misses much. She's well acquainted with the touch of the velvet hand, like a lizard on a window pane. The man in the crowd with the multicolored mirrors on his hobnail boots, lying with his eyes while his hands are busy working overtime.
63. The Starr Report
(USA 1999) This film attempted to capture the hot cigar on pussy action of the Clinton-Lewsinsky affair. Due to a misunderstanding in direction Gene Shalit was cast as Bill Clinton and Starr Jones played the part of Monica Lewinski.
62. A Hardon Day's Night
(UK 1965) The Beatles star in their first porn flick. Unfortunately this movie showed way too much Ringo.
61. The Ladies Man
(USA 2000) This movie is the first time a Saturday Night Live skit has been spun off into a porno movie. Like many movies of a similar stripe, it sucked.
60. Shaved by the Bellend
(USA 1992) Porno spoof of the popular highschool drama, starring Ron Jeremy as "Squealch".
59. Sex Toy Story
(USA 1995) A CGI porn film in which Andy Dick's favorite Dildo, Woody (voiced by Tom Hanks), is replaced by a more modern vibrator, Buzz Lightyear (voiced by Tim Allen). Woody has to learn to accept his new friend. The worst part of this movie is that it stars Andy Dick.
58. Look Who's Porking!
(USA 1995) Why has Tom Selleck got a cheesy grin? You're about to find out...
57. OklaHOma!
(Oklahoma 1977) A porn adaptation of the Rogers and Hammerstein classic. Noted for its exceptionally bad sound track which attempted to take the music from the original and put it to a 70's funk beat.
56. Tapping Amanda
(USA 2003) Major Samantha "Sam" Carter takes one up the stargate. See Amanda Tapping
55. The Love Boat
(USA 2005) A documentary of the Minnesota Vikings sex cruise. Unfortunately it contains scenes of the team's offensive line stripping.
54. Spooge Party XVI
(USA 2002) John Woo takes up the Directoral reins in this disappointing return of Meryl Streep's Mary Jane.
53. Gelegentliche Leute engagieren sich im lieblosen sexuellen Verkehr
(Germany 1961) a.k.a. Random people engage in loveless sexual intercourse. A modernist porn classic.
52. Sock-Puppet Gangbang
(USA 1991) Things take a turn for the sexy when a plane full of hookers crash on gumdrop mountain.
51. Creamer versus Creamer
(USA 1976) Good Lord, it's everywhere.

50 to 43[edit]

50. The Bitches of Madison County
(USA 1995) Clint Eastwood (realizing he was born to do porn after having good look at his name) stars as a photographer who spends four magical days of the year 1960 with 16 submissive black women.
49. Fistful of Dildos
(Spain 1967) Spagetti Western Pornflick starring Clit Westwood as the "Man with No Knob".
48. The Missionary
(UK 1982) Monty Python's Michael Palin enjoys himself in this softcore sex romp.
47. Mr. Smith does Washington
(2003, USA) James Stewart stars as Jefferson Smith, a highschool cheerleader with a crush on Denzel Washington.
Poster for Fill Bill
46. Fill Bill
(USA, 2005) Some obscure gay porn stars star in this x-rated parody of Kill Bill. Unmentionable use of samurai swords as dildos makes this movie one of the worst.
45. Scooby Doo and the Mystery of the Cock Less Monster
(USA, 1983) Mr. T stars as the Cock Less Monster, and an actual dog plays Scooby, who joins in the action.
44. Cocky IV
(USA, 1989) Sylvester Stallon stars as Cocky, the people's champ of cock fighting, who must defend his title against a Soviet super hulk.
43. Free Willy
(USA, 1993) Ron Jeremy stars as Keiko, a lovable whale.

42 to 23[edit]

42. Shrek
(USA, 2001) Wayne Rooney's first film away from the Vaudeville circuit, sees him servicing the needs of the eldery people of Florida. Look out for a rare appearance from veteran actress Elaine Stritch.
41. The Penetrator
(USA, 1985} A sex machine is sent back through time on a mission to penetrate as many women named Sarah Connor as possible, in an effort to stop sex symbol of the 2030's John Connor from being born, but is ultimately responsible for the impregnation which leads to his birth.
Birds & the Bees: The Uncensored Version (France, 1973)
40. One Came Over the Cuckoo's Nest
(USA, 1974) Wristslappin' Action Movie from the Director of "Die Hard On".
39. Bruce Allnighty
(USA, 2002) Comedy in which sick and tired Porn star God, endows poor performing Bruce with his unstoppable sexual prowess for a whole night.
38. Dr. Strangelove
(UK, 1901) Stanley Kubrick's first and only foray into the world of 'Strangelove', featuring numerous banned scenes, such as the infamous deep goat throat.
37. American History XXX
(USA, 1993) The descendants of George Washington shag their way through the struggle for independance, The Civil War, World War I & II, Vietnam and the Gulf War.
36. The President's Diaries
(USA, 2001) A 2.5 hour long glimpse into the supposed affairs of Bill Clinton. His fear of Hillary led to him not doing much for the film, and most of the movie focused on Monica (played by Katie Holmes), who tried to make the movie work. A failed attempt, as not one ticket nor one DVD/video has been sold in the 4 years since the release. The movie, sadly enough, is the reason Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are "together".
35. Sin City
(Italy, 1987) At the Vatican, a previously chaste nun discovers just what miraculous powers the Pope is really endowed with.
34. broke back mountain
(USA, 2000ish) the gayest gay porn ever conceived.
33. The Man in the Leather Mask
(France, 1998) Amazing romp of sadism set in revolutionary France, featuring porn trio, The Three Musketeers.
32. Snatch
(UK, 2000) Intimate documentary exploring female genitalia.
31. The Sexorcist
(USA, 1981) Bizarre black and white remake which went on to gain prolific status, for its 6 minute, colour crucifix masturbation scene (which was entirely ripped from the original).
30. Reservoir, Doggie Style
(USA, 1991) Quentin Tarantino's first and last foray into the world of hardcore porn, giving us a brief glimpse into the world of Mr. Pink's sexual escapades.
29. The Dominatrix
(USA, 1999) In a world controlled by Microwave ovens, is it even possible to get a real erection? Be sure to take the red pill.
28. When Harry met Sally 2 — Harry meets Sally's Sister
(USA, 1992) Billy Crystal in a last desperate ditch attempt to jumpstart his dead career. Meg Ryan wisely declined the dubious honour of portraying both Sally and her twin sister. The film was unsurprisingly a box office hit in Nicaragua and Japan.
27. The Butcher's Wife 2 — Jackoffal
(France, 2001) Demi Moore reprises her role as the Butcher's Wife, showing just how sexy salami can really be.
26. A Minge too Far
(UK, 1950) A tale set against the backdrop of WWII, the 2nd World Wrestling championships. The lead accidentally goes down on the wrong minge.
25. XXX-Ray — Röntgen's Delight
(Germany, 2005) In probably the most bizarre turn of the pr0n industry, some German art house directors recorded a gang bang... using X-Ray film. Giving new meaning to 'being inside of someone', it earned critical acclaim from Mediocre Britain's Medical Association.
24. Mork love Pork
(USA, 1979) Probings applenty as Mork goes in search of Uranus.
23. American Cream Pie
(USA, 2007) This time Shannon Elizabeth is really going to get it.

22 to 11[edit]

22. Video killed the Radio Star
(USA, 2008) Because listening to sex is not as fun as watching it.
21. Kinkilympics 2001
(Poland, 2001) Shot as a documentary of the 2001 Kinky Olympics, featuring the adult sports of pole vaulting, bush diving, clam eating, and dozens others. Nicknamed 2001 hideously ugly eastern european porn stars with nothing to do on a friday, the film was universally panned, and directly responsible for 2001 being the first and last year to have a Kinkilympics.
20. Zoolander 2
(USA, 1999) Billed as "Bestiality fun for the whole family", this film depicts a male model what can't read very good. Needless to say it bombed, his target audience couldn't read the directions to the theatres.
19. Monty's Python — The Horny Gail
(UK, 1987) Another bestial flick, this time from the Brits. Not suitable for those suffering from Ophidiophobia (fear of snakes), or Gailnomiphobia (fear of people named Gail).
18. Oral Hygiene — The Saga Begins
(USA, 2005) A very strange collection of toothbrushes performing fellatio on one another, cut in a modern style reminiscent of MTV commercials.
17. Catholic Schoolgirls get Down Under 156
(Australia, 1968) The same tired old plaid skirts turned upside down, notable for a total lack of Schoolgirls.
16. Grannies Get Gorey 2 — Alliteration Affects Almost All Arses
(UK, 2005) Watch Wonderfully Wild Women Woo Wayward Wraights.
"Toothless grannies try to seduce mythical creatures in this one. That I can stomach... but it's the insane alliteration that really gets to me."
~ Oscar Wilde
15. Mistress of Spices — Black Pepper
(UK, 2005) Frequently mistaken for a cooking show, this film shows a woman handling all sorts of spices in the kitchen. Claimed to have been the highlight of an independent film festival, but falling seriously short when it comes to hot action... unless you count the times where the chilis vanished.
14. Shitty Shitty Gang Bang
(USA, 1968) Even worse than Herbie Does Dallas, a whole gang bang of cars appears in this film. Starring Dick Van Dyke, the first male lesbian.
13. Star Whores - The Empire Gets in the Ass
(USA, 1984) Thought by many to be a product placement scam by the Star Wars Marital Aids Empire.
12. Star Whores - A New Ho'
(USA, 1977) Managed to "beat off" the only other film from the Trilogy to feature in the list, this 70s BDSM classic featured a "LightSabre" fight, as well as the first footage of the "Vader's Helmet" toy.
11. Bambi
(RKO Pictures, 1942) A Walt Disney film about a deer's loss of parents, and a thematic exploration on the nature of life.

10 to -60[edit]

Bedknobs and Brown Dicks retailed with a very collectable front cover
10. Bed Knobs and Brown Dicks
(USA/UK 1935) An perculiar combination of live action and animated footage, in this pioneering, inter-racial production.
9. Sex Trek III — The Search for Cock
(USA, 1982) Kirk feels guilty for the suffering caused to the crew of the XXX Enterprise via the loss of their beloved Cock, and promises to hunt some down.
8. Sex Trek II — The Wrath of Cunt
(USA, 1980) A cunt is deserted on a desert planet, and vows to take revenge.
7. Sex Trek IV — The Bondage Home
(USA, 1984) The crew travels through time and space to find The House of Bondage.
6. Face/On
(Mexico, 1999) Thanks to a revolutionary medical technique, a man's face is surgically connected to a woman's crotch, in an attempt to infiltrate a criminal organisation.
5. Total Bar Brawl
(USA, 2001) A young Austrian-American called Quaid is sent to Mars to stamp out a bar brawl, only to fall in love with the Triple-breasted Whore of Eroticon 6.
4. Done in Sixty Seconds
(USA, 2004) A retired porn star is forced back into the industry and must fuck 50 women in one night to save his brother's life.
3. Jet Stream is... The Wang
(USA/Hong Kong, 2000) A young man from Hong Kong visits every multiverse in existence so he can rape himself in every last one of them. Only when he's raped all his selves will he find the awesome power of The Wang.
2. Shaving Ryans Privates
(USA, 1998) US soldiers desperately try to shave their comrade, Private Ryan, who's stationed behind enemy lines. For some reason it was released in Canada as Shaving Ryan's Privates.
1. The Sodfather
(USA, 1976) The aging patriarch of an organized sex dynasty transfers control of his clandestine porn empire to his reluctant son.
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0. Rent
(USA, 2005) A fun-filled romp loosely based on the alleged love affair between Lee Harvey Oswald and Vin Diesel, and their illegitimate child, Ben Stein.
0.1 Schindler's Fist
(Germany, 1941) The heart-warming story of a German man who saves Germans from the Germans, by many means, but mostly fisting.
2.75. The Nutty Professor
(USA, 19?J) Erotic snuff film starring Eddie Murphy.
-1. XXX Men 2
(USA, 2006) In an effort to prolong the race of specialized mutants, XXX Men come to the rescue.
-2. Huevos
The Balls of Fate: (USA, 2003) A spectacular failure by porn industry standards, Huevos: The Balls of Fate failed to actually include any sex scenes. A woman was filmed naked in front of a green screen, and her partners were to be added later, but someone forgot to do so.
-3. Operation Dildo Drop
(US/Africa, 1997) An island of women, barren of men, finally get the relief they have being gagging for. The native women realise that the habitual practice of lesbianism is no longer necessary to sexual fufilment.
-4 Alien cums Penetrator
(US, 2008) Crossover of the Alien and Penetrator series of films. An alien with a human killing fetish decides that it is to perform some bizzar sex acts before forcing its prey to carry its baby for nine months. No killing in this film, widely regarded in Hollywood as a conservative attempt to kick back the genre.
-5 Four Crossdressers and a Sexchange
(US/UK, 2000) The hit series Six Feet Under finally comes of age to the big screen with some controversial British porn stars cum actors doing American characters. Widely panned and critised for been "derivative" in nature.
-6 Nip-Fuck Fetish
(US, 1902) Attempts to approach some common fetish issues in a medical backdrop story of cosmetic improvement of the body. Includes intensive group medical proceedures not for the squeemish. Banned in Mexico.
-7 The Slutty Professor
(UK, 1945) A young lady finally gets the career break she has always asked for. Soon she decides that the hard, unrewarding work of an academic career can have social benefits with so many young studs to play off - however will the university council realise the practical nature of her group lectures and one-on-one tutorials?
-8 Star Whores - Revenge of the Clit
(US, 2005) The Star Whores sexilogy is complete, but will the repubic get what it wants at the totty or will it have to revenge the death of its Prime Fucker?
-9 Sex Trek XXIII - The Prime Erective
(US, 2010) The federations highest law prevents it from interferring in the sexy culture of the dominion. Expect summissive action.
-10 -xXx-
(US, 2002) Although featuring the very sexy Vin Diesel, this turned out to be the worst porn movie ever due to not featuring anything related with sex.
-11 Fun with Jane's Dick
(US 2006) Jim Carrey's entry into the genre has the grinning buffoon demonstrating his comic timing in this bukakee splurgefest.


-12 Fantastic Foursome
(US 2005)Jessica Alba and 3 guys, one whos really hot, one whos always hard and one who can stretch any part of his body. Doesn't take a genius to figure the plot of this.
-13 Alien cums again
-14 Died with a Hard on
Bruce's willy.
-15 Ginger Snags Cock
Katherine Isabelle and all the guys at the local trading outlet.
-16 Million Diddle Baby
When she's not boxing, she's boinking. But, sometimes, she does the two concurrently.
-17 Mutant seX
unfortunately featured ants.
-18 Gone to the Street Corner
Abby discovers shes actually a rabbit. and craves sex with other bunnies, so she starts working the street to raise money to change her human body back to rabbit form. This way she can please her desires. Unfortunately, she meets a black slave and he turns her into a carrot. The carrot is inserted into the black slaves asshole, and then she purchases a new pair of gloves from Armani (in carrot form), as the slave breathes one last dying death. Underground Cum calls it "An American Classic"
-19 Noris' Forced Anal Awakenings
Noris from Corronation Street works his way through such family favorites as Emily Bishop and Dev.
-20 Adventures at Neverland Ranch
-21 The Texas Chainsaw Catheter
Porn film by acclaimed directors/Arby's crew members Nathan and Anderson, inspired by Miky's fight at the mall. It is a culmination of love followed by catheterization and hetero-homo-erotico-BDSM erotica of legendary preportions. It's so great, I couldn't even tell you what it's about.
-22 The alien always cums twice
-23 In Diana Jones and the Temple of Poon
Diana gets stuck in a ziggurat filled with horny Incans.
-24 Fuck me if you can
-25 FMIYC-II 
Fuck me When you can
-26 Charley Takes it in the Chocolate Factory
-27 Ebenezer's Splooge 
A grumpy old man finds out the true meaning of the holidays.
-28 Willy Wanka and the Fudge Packery
-29 The Da Vinci Load
-30 Jurassic Cock
-31 Black Whore Down
-32 Ferris Bueller's Gay Boff
hot action with everybody's favorite, Principal Ed Rooney. Special guest appearance by Zombie Charles Nelson Reilly.
-33 Edward Dildo Hands 
A small town finds a strange man with dildos for fingers.
-34 Three Men In A Layby 
The enchanting tale of 3 men alone in a layby, a modern take on the movie Three Men And A Lady.
-35 A Midsummer Night's Cream 
Shakespeare's finest work.
-36 Pimp My Wife
Her Kinky side
-37 Snakes in a Dame - Samuel L Jackson in the cheesiest pr0n ever made, yet somehow you end up enjoying it all the same.
-38 Some like it Cock - Crossdressing men get down and dirty with what they think are really women.
-39. The Brothers Quim present - Humplestiltskin
(USA/UK 2002) Televised footage of the game which involves a bent over naked person while the other people take turns to bum them. The Humplestiltskin then must guess who was bummin them and if they are correct that person will become the humplestiltskin.
-38. Extreme Ass Munching 6 - Fred Phelps goes to a gay bar to get laid, and checks out some man-ass and does some pure gay slutty ass-munching to a lucky gay black guy, I personally hate the scene where they have gay sex, that's just wrong for the kids!
Extreme Ass Munching 6, the porno God hates the most.
-39. One Man is Not Enough - A female British secret agent has to face a trade off between foreign assignments and man-ogomy.
-40. Guy Hard
-41. John Fucker must get Laid
-42. The Shawskank Redemption
-43. Very Goodfellas
-44. 12 Naked Men
-45. Cool Hand Luke
-46. The Queer Hunter
-47. Bride of Fuckenstein
-48. Boner and Clyde
-49. A Streaker Named Desire
-50. Chairman of the Broad
-51. American History XXX
-52. The Shagging
-53. Shaving Ryan's Privates
-54. Jung-fuck-a-man
-55. Shaw-Skank Redemption
-56. Custer's Revenge
Custer actually dies the first minute of this porn. And we never get to see any action.
-57. Beat 'Em and Eat 'Em
This movie wasn't about masturbation...It's a XXX horror flick. Good for people who love gore, not for people to get a Hard On
This is the Finnish cover of "Donald Duck:Full Frontal". Unfortunately, the DVD cover is the only thing that he's naked on. (Please Note: That's not his tail between his legs.)
-58. Donald Duck-Full Frontal
All this film is Donald Duck getting a Blow Job from many Disney characters (especially Daisy), twirling around many flagpoles like they were stripper poles, doing some stuff with his nephews, and it ends with a naked fight with his Uncle Scrooge. And all this time, Donald Duck IS wearing pants as well as his sailor shirt throughout the entire film. What kind of porn has the main character fully clothed and is rated PG?! This was followed by...
-58a. Donald Duck-Fully Sexual
And this was nothing but a Wedding video where Donald and Daisy get married. The only scenes that had nudity in it was Donald Duck Jr. and Donald wears pants throughout the film, even in the scene where he's shirtless! It was also followed by...
-58b. Donald Duck-Fully Clothed
And this was nothing but a movie where Donald Duck gets back to his duck roots and acts like a duck. And even though Donald Duck is naked throughout that film, the only excitement is where Daffy Duck and Donald Duck Greek-Wrestle (Naked Wrestling) for a piece of bread.
-59. Passion of Bush and Last Temptation of Bush
They aren't Even Pornos, these are two films that talk about George W. Bush. As a matter of fact...they're the same title!
OFFICIALLY THE WORST PORN MOVIE EVER
-60. Saucy Saucy Hot XXX Naked Stripper Cum Suck Lady Fuck Gay Man Sex Anal Bum Fuck Lesbian Pussy Cunt Cheese Kinky Black Asian Ass Boner Rape Gay Lesbian Girl Naked Blond Hot Hot Hot Sex Ass Door Knob Vagina Blow Job Bondage Twat XXX Dirty Filthy Girls and Boys.

Unfortunately this was a documentary on how to fit a door knob on your door without a screwdriver, much to the disappointment of everyone who bought it. Only 3 people ever got their rocks off to this.

Honorable Mentions[edit]