X-Rays

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“I discovered them 'cause of an experiment to give Oscar Wilde x-ray vision”

~ Wilhelm Röntgen

Heinrich Hertz began the first major experiments on X-Rays in 1892. His work had been preceded by that of Nikola Tesla, but Nikola Tesla was too busy trying to invent the internet, leading to his eventual death-by-tubgirl.

Hertz's understudy, Philipp Lenard was determined to continue the Fürher's orders, and began experimenting the effects of the unknown ray on male genitalia and Great Blue Herons.

Little did Phil know that someone was plotting against him. Wilhelm Röntgen had been observing Lenard's actions from afar ever since Phillip had broken into his Great Blue Heron breeding grounds. Determined to avenge this cruel act, but not trusting the German Police force on account of their rumored affair with the Dirty Hippies, Wilhelm decided to steal Lenard's plans.

Realizing the only flaw in Lenard's procedure was that he forgot to plug the machine into the wall, Wilhelm had immideate success, and released his findings to the public on December 28, 1895.

Röntgen was rewarded with the Noble Prize, and when giving his acceptance speech, made obscure reference to his love for Great Blue Heron wings, and gave Lenard a menacing stare.

The 1 million dollar reward (which was really only 50 euros at the time, due to inflation) was spent to destroy Philipp Lenard's only two joys in life: Freshly baked latkes and Bar Mitzvah's.


Some people claim that X-Rays were in fact discovered by Dr. X. In fact several movies were made druring the 50's featuring "Dr. X and his bopping X-Ray band".