Xanga

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

The current Xanga logo, in use since 1980.


Founded in 1932, Xanga is one of the most-respected news outlets of all time, with an estimated readership of over 32 shebangillion half of which being Richard Albinger.

The formation of Xanga[edit]

Xanga was founded as a publication to promote the timeless sport of kitten huffing. Over time, the publication diversified into a fully fledged news organization (sorta like those annoying pricks at the goddamn Christian Science Monitor).

Original columns[edit]

When it was founded, Xanga had three main columns (referred to as blogs), which were syndicated to other newspapers. These four columns were:

Major Huffing Action[edit]

Major Huffing Action, written by This Guy, stands as a hallmark of modern journalistic integrity. Major Huffing Action was a humorous column that discussed the ups and downs of kitten huffing culture. It is also recognized as the column that started the modern linguistic style commonly employed on Xanga. One example of this column is this post:

Tuesday, September 30, 1948

wHoA i JUsT hUfFeD A bIG OnE I ThINk ill bE bAcK L8r tHx?!

12:32 AM - 12 eProps - 9 comments

It's Shakespeare, Bitch[edit]

It's Shakespeare, Bitch was not, in fact, written by William Shakespeare, but by a team of trained monkeys. Shakespeare sued Xanga in 1933, and an epic battle ensued.

Unsurprisingly, Xanga lost.

omfg im so hornnnny[edit]

omfg im so hornnnny was a column by some girl. omfg, she was so hornnnny.

E-props[edit]

In 1947, Xanga created "e-props", a form of currency more valuable than Jesus. At the same time, they allowed anyone to write articles on Xanga, contributing to a higher standard of journalistic integrity. This created some serious controversy in Canada, but nobody really cared a whole lot about that. Since their introduction, e-props have seen serious inflation. The current exchange rate is one e-prop to 253 Moroccan Dirhams.

The e-Prop Riots of 1947[edit]

Because of the massive value of this sudden new currency when introduced, massive riots occurred in the streets as people attempted to steal other people's e-props. The riots finally ended in a massive kitten hurling battle, now considered the longest battle in existence with 183 furs.

Over the course of this riot, 53 people died, but most of them were resurrected a few days later.

How to get e-props[edit]

There are three recognized ways to obtain large amounts of e-props.

1: Be naked. Widely considered the most effective method of garnering e-props, nudity allows for maximum e-prop reception. It is a little-known fact that your mom started her career on Xanga.

2: Be Asian. Being Asian is also a very effective method of obtaining e-props. However, if you are Asian, it is a requirement that you also must be naked (if a female), be obnoxious (if a male), or wielding a mach-3 triple bladed katana and prepared to use it (if a Laotian)

3: Make introspective-sounding posts that actually mean very little. This is a relatively new technique, but has proven highly effective in assorted lab tests. By posting thoughts that sound smart but mean nothing, the writer not only gets the best of both worlds but also receives maximum e-prop compensation.

Competition[edit]

Xanga has no competition, because their standards are so high. Literally no other news outlet, not even Livejournal, can compare with their notoriously stringent requirements for new writers. Some consider this elitist. They are, of course, wrong.