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“I have the need-the need for speed!”

~ Tom Cruise on Xubuntu
The xubuntu logo is a rat in a washing machine.

Xubuntu is a computer operating system based on the Linux kernel, and is a derivative of the Ubuntu Linux distribution. Xubuntu is more frequently used for people that hate themselves so much that even Ubuntu isn't an option. It is also commonly used by dirty sweat-pants wearing thrift store shopping poor people who can't afford a computer that can run a legitimate operating system, and people who don't like KDE, GNOME or the bash shell, even when Xfce is really just GNOME on crack. But, hey, it's the good kind of crack, so no foul there.


The concept of Xubuntu was first founded during a drunken IRC session on #ubuntu-dev channel. The log went something like this:

sabdfl: y'know, i just don't think ubuntu and kubuntu are fast enuff mann...
buntudev: whatdaja mean?
oss_crowd: yeah, and all the buntus now make my head spin
linustovarlds(daGIT): fcuk u alls
sabdfl: Shut the fuck up Linus, and fuck off back to #kerneldev
rms: Hey, infdel, I'm inclinded to agree with with fat shit on this one
sabdfl: So what? you're the fucker who came up with the the whole fucking 'by nerds for nerds
shit. how the fuck am i meant to make a fucking profitable linux distro out of the fucking BNFN   
oss_crowd: wtf? canocial is in oss for the money?!?!?
sabdfl: no, fuck no, that's not what I fucking meant!
rms: yes you did
sabdfl: no I didn't
rms: yes you did! 
sabdfl: no I didn't
rms: yes you did!!
canocial_legal: The views of Mark Shuttleworth are not necessarily those of Canocial Inc.
oss_crowd: WTF? MS is Canocical Inc. 
canocial_legal: No he isn't. He's a fat South African shit who's been in space.  


Xubuntu was released alongside Ubuntu, Kubuntu, Edubuntu and Whatthefuckarewegoingtocallthenextfuckingbuntu version 6.06, codenamed 'Dykeish Drake'. While some had complaints about its colour scheme being to close to Kubuntu's, most where seduced by the the self-satisfaction of being a "Windows-hating-loner" and a "douchebag."

On the Server[edit]


~ RMS on Xubuntu's speed when used as a server, even with a GUI

Xubuntu is googling fast when run as a server, even with a GUI. Mark Shuttleworth recently won the right to throw a pie in the face of RMS at the 2006 OScon, due to a bet that a non-graphical Debian GNU/Linux server (the only 'real' Linux in RMS's eyes) would perform faster.


The next Xubuntu release, codenamed 'E-Sexy Efe' is coming in June. It promises the following features:

  • A genuine copy of Xfce, not a cheap Chinese knock-off like this time.
  • An index to the manual
  • A guide to the manual
Note: The manual will not be implemented till Horny Hedgehog. Horny Hedgehog VII.
  • But not counting crack as a drug.
  • Well, something has to make the mouse run around the fucking wheel!
  • Even more speed tweaks. An AMD 64 4000+ will reach Mach 26 even when running Openoffice.org!

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