“Between the fabric of reality comes one question - what is a yacht?”
What is a yacht? Till date, people still have absolutely no idea what it is. Scientists from all over the world are still competing to find out the truth. What is a yacht? Or who is a yacht even? Where is a yacht? When is a yacht? Nobody knows. Even literary giants like S. Herlock and anonoymous great editors still have no clue. The dead, the living, the soon-to-be-born. All have no idea. Some say it's a McGuffin. Some say it's a fictitious mythical creature. The answer is still a mystery.
People from all over the world unite just to come up with an answer to this question - What is a yacht? Old people, young people, unborn people. Blacks, yellows, whites, purples. Everybody unites just to come up with an answer. Yet, the age old mystery is still unable to be solved.
What is a yacht? Maybe we will never know.
It was in the late 19th century when the word came into being. First coined by Sir Edingson F. Brettle as an illusion, to scare away young ruffians attempting to destroy his house. On the ground near his house, he carved "beware the yacht". However, the strange warning failed to disillusion young teens with nothing to do. Rather, it made such teens become more curious.
Those teens eventually decided not to destroy Sir Edingson's house, for reasons nobody will ever find out. Nobody will every tell you that it was a bribe. Wait, you don't know what a bribe is? Well, a bribe- never mind.
The teens, after a decade or so, eventually went to Harvard to study law, despite the fact that they had previously wanted to kill the old man. Okay, burn his house. Whatever. One of them, called B. Simpson, graduated with a Masters in Law and began throwing his weight around in court. Simpson became one of the most illustrious lawyers in the twentieth century, to the extent that a whole television programme was dedicated to him and his family.
In the anex of Mr Simpson's career, his youth came back to him. However, there was one event that he could not forget - Sir Edingson's "yacht". What was a yacht? Mr Simpson eventually decided to post an ad in the papers to find out what a yacht was, even going to the extent of offering a million dollar reward. Several people atttempted in guessing the answer, but none of them sounded "right".
It was then that the whole yacht thing became known.
There have been several rumors about what a yacht is, ranging from the stupidest ones sent in by the sporadic tramp, to the wittiest ones of professors. Out of the several hundred rumors, only the more possible ones are listed, arranged from the likeliest possibilities to the least likely. (Arranged by Forbes in "7 Top Yacht Possibilities".) Why Seven? Because seven is lucky. Very lucky indeed.
Rumor #1 - Apple
Yes, yes. The apple. The big apple. Not New York, but just a plain apple. Apples are known to have may mystical properties including healing 30 HP. You can also use these apples to make apple pies. Yacht(s) are thought to exist in fresh apples.
Professor Sala Las of the Stanford University has mentioned in many lectures about his discovery about apples. According to him, after tireless research, he (allegedly) found a long thin creature in the apple.
Top scholars from top universities all over the world have agreed to this theory for some unkown reason. It was said that it was due to a force of attraction. Since many universities are rival universities, they probably attract. Not because they are lovers or anything, but simply because opposites attract. Or so they say.
Rumor #2 - Some sort of weird flying bird alien thing
The idea was developed in the late twentieth century when a little boy began spewing saying several random things after eavesdropping on the incessant chatter of several grown ups. Unfortunately, those grown ups were discussing about what a yacht was. And several other things - birds, aliens. And flying things. And that was how the young kid, Gore, became famous. And later became a politician.
Rumor #3 - Green Apple
This is an entirely different proposal as to the first one. Green in entirely different from Red. See the picture (above) as an example. Green Ferraris are not red. You get my drift.
But anyway, this theory is thought to be true due to the fact that there was this pine tree named "yacht" in honour of the word. The pine tree later produced green apples.
Rumor #4 - McDonald's secret alias
Hush. Not so loud. Yes, yes. I know you think it's odd. Forbes never really disclosed it to the public, only skipping it. So the order became 1,2,3,5. No four. Of course, four felt insulted, but never mind about that.
Here's the secret. McDonalds claimed to have owned a Yacht in 1989, in the great burger reccession. Millions of people offered to buy it, but it was only sold to Forbes in the year 2004, for a whopping price of US$9.84 billion dollars.
Rumor #5 - Transformers
The scientists refused to comment further.
Rumor #6 - A website
The theorem that "yacht" is a website has proven to be true. Indeed, there is a website named Yacht.com. People all over the world have protested about the website, but the founder Wally Wallyson has refused to take don the website.
Rumor #7 - Nothing
There is a Theory Seven, but it is Nothing. Not that it is not there, but it is- nothing. Nothing at all. Not that there is no Theory, but the theory is nothing. I mean, the thoeory is that it is nothing. Not nothing.
Let me rephrase myself. A yacht is nothing. The theory is nothing. Nothing at all. Yes, nothing. Oh, you get it? Yes, that's right. Nothing. Wait, you got it wrong.
Let me repeat myself one more time. Nothing is nothing. You still don't get it? Oh bother.
According to this weird gypsy, what a yacht is will be found out exactly on 22 08. And of course, 2019. The gypsy also revealed that Armageddon will occur on the exact same day when what a yacht is will be found out. Why do we believe her? Because she has a crystal ball. And Uncyclopedia is a crystal ball.
Happy? Wait, don't say no. It'll reduce the viewage and the profitableness of the- this writer has been silenced in order so that no further Uncyclopedia secrets will be revealed. Viewer discretion is advised.