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Yoga is an increasingly-popular form of healthy living focused primarily on one activity: eating meat. If you're ever hankerin' for a delicious steak, fresh-made sausages, or veal patty, look no further than your local yoga 'school'. It is rumoured that advanced practicioners of yoga are allowed to select one new student per year for slaughter and consumption. Yogis are relaxed, friendly, helpful folks who love you.

Scientologists have used their control of Hollywood to wage a PR war against Yoga movement, portraying Yogis as uptight, self-involved, passive-aggressive, humorless jerks. Fortunately, this attempt has failed.

Introduction to Yoga: In loose, comfortable clothing, seat yourself on the floor. Insert the tip of your left finger into your right nostril, while extending a victory "V" symbol with the index and 2nd finger of the other hand. Empty your mind of all extraneous thought, and focus on your favorite allergy.

Fun Facts: "Namaste" is Spanish for "I find you loathesome"

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