|This article will be eaten by a crazy fat kid. Run away! |
YouTube Kids, a.k.a. FuckTube Kids or WeFuck Kid's Brains is a social media powered video depository aimed at wankers aged 2 months to 102 years. It's primary purpose is to generate billions of dollars to the Google corporation, as well as to utilize MK Ultra methods and trigger videos to facilitate mass mind control on American Youth, as part of a huge conspiracy that's getting bigger and bigger.
The app also has allegedly accelerated the spread of both left-wing and right-wing globalist nazi communism in the United States, Japan, Korea, India, and Texas by hosting crudely-animated sensationalist 'educational' videos made by Chinese communists, Texan gun-nuts, Indian/Vietnamese slave workers and Russian soviets (in their native languages, as well as English for the sake of world domination.)
It is semi-based on the communistic FREE! WORLDWIDE SERVICE! called YouTube, and hosts the exact same videos as the regular website, except for videos flagged as 18+. Is it really a good idea to raise your impressionable kids with products and services made by social media and big tech corps?
A Brief History
The legend began when one day, YouTube's minimum wage workers living on Chipotle decided that it'd be a brilliant idea to generate more dirty money by targeting their corporate mass-media service at children for huge profit. therefore earning bumper crops of $$$ daily via un-skippable advertisements. The suggestion sounded fantastic to the workers, but they knew that their service was never meant for kiddie turdlings.
And one day it all came true... to celebrate the company's 10th anniversary, the YouTube staff released YouTube Kids for IOS and Google Play. They designed the app to lure kids from infancy and pre-K age to their corp, essentially creating lifelong web-traffic generating viewers from the cradle to the grave. Generating even more website traffic and free-market capitalist advertisement money for their corp than the already dumb-enough adult users, YouTube's staff cherished the birth of YT Kids.
Things went awry of course. Parents in the app's place of origin began complaining about a couple bad videos involving live action princesses getting pregnant. YouTube's staff also saw that these thingies appeared on the app's homepage. They were deleted without question.
Conspiracy: MK Ultra and the YouTube Kids App
MK Ultra, (also known as The CIA's Mind Control Program) is a national communist organisation that originally operated in Fairfax, Virginia, and now operates in Pelzer, South Carolina where the current MK Ultra workers (called The Finders) create Elsagate videos.
The primary objective of this legal nazi organisation is still unknown, though it's speculated that MK Ultra is luring Murican' youth into visiting Pelzer to be raped, abducted and/or murdered and fed to southern mountain lions by the Finders, very likely because MK Ultra's mission is to destroy the Murican gene pool to gain national domination.
Another possibility is that MK Ultra is researching the long-term effects of trigger videos (specialised MK Ultra mind-control videos) on children aged 0-13 and how exposure to trigger videos will IMPAIR the children's long-term abilities to perform academically, make real friends, drive cars, and make it harder to work and maintain a job when they grow up.
But Wait! There's More Shit That's Going On...
There's a lot of shit going on with YouTube Kids, and it's pretty dense so let's make a list of reoccurring themes in the app's hosted files: