You Tube FC

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

“Go Phoenix Suns”

~ Tamia

Manchester City[edit]

Manchester City Football Club is an English professional football club based in the city of Manchester. They are currently members of the English Premier League. Originally formed in 1880 as St. Mark's (West Gorton), they then became Ardwick A.F.C. in 1887 before changing their name to Manchester City F.C. in 1894. The club has won the League Championship twice, the FA Cup four times, the League Cup twice and the European Cup Winners Cup once. The club's most successful period was during the late 1960s and early 1970s, when they won several major trophies under the management team of Joe Mercer and his assistant Malcolm Allison, and with great players such as Colin Bellend and Francis Lee.


•managed by that red thick inbred cunt Mark Hughes

Quotes about the club[edit]

Liam Gallgher: "EEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA sound"

Man United fan: "Is that the club up north? Manchester you say..... where's that?"

Alhim Falhid Sanjid Mandeep Punjab John Voldemort Muhammadson: "Why didn't I buy an attractive club? Like Portsmouth."

Rivals[edit]

Madchester's main rivals are Old Ham Athletic, Stocky Porn Cunty, trafford scum fucks, Bury and anyone that bought a copy of Country House.

The Team[edit]

It should also be noted that most of the squad was assembled from Seven Gorane Erik-The Sun on youtube last week.

Goalie[edit]

19 Kasper Schmeichel - The scion of a terrible enemy of the good people of Oasis, the leaders of whom kidnapped this blue eyed, pubeless, ruddy cheeked spawn long ago in an attempt to turn the One True Enemy's own dark arts against it. Quite similar to his dread father, except a) he's not as big and b) not as good.

1 Shay Given - Jumped off the sinking ship HMS Newcastle United just in time.

- Joe Hart - Was replaced by Shay Given as he didn't cost nearly enough money.

12 Stuart Taylor - Ummmm.

Reasons why we haven't got completely stuffed yet[edit]

2 Micah Richards - A bright and exciting young talent (tm). He recently made his debut in the porn industry with his girlfriend in his self-directed movie. Has also caught Swine Flu off Carlos Vela the dodgy Mexican.

3 Wayne Bridge - Was tired of getting gang-raped by Cashley and Didhedive, so left and joined Citeh on the first boat to the North.

22 Richard Dunne - The captain. A reserved Irish lad who has shown a touching interest in picking up the local traditions, as his recent suspension for crippling a Villa player demonstrates. Also has a tendency to become confused while facing his own goal, leading to an average own-goal strike rate of 20 a season.

24 Javier "Java Script" Garrido - Expert Spanish computer programmer. Rewrites each home match using the USB port located in the East Stand so it appears to spectators that Oasis have trundled out another uneventful 1-0 victory when in fact they've been pasted 12-0.

26 John Terry - Was apparently very close to signing, only he decided at the last minute that he would like to win more then the Inter-Toto Cup in the rest of his career.

26 Tal Ben Haim - Token Jew.

28 Kolon Toure - Was forced to leave Arsenal when he had a very public breakup with boyfriend William 'Crys alot and wants lots of money' Gallas.

Midfield[edit]

7 Stephen England (formally Ireland) - legend since he changed name and nationality. Is now known to fiddle with himself whilst looking at pictures of the Queen. He also now loves warm bitter, pies, the colour pink and being a persona non grata in his ex-country Ireland.

6 Michael Johnson - Young, heavily eyebrowed local lad. Granny chaser.

15 Martin Petrov -legend

18 Gareth Barry - Possibly the greatest midfield player ever to grace the Premier League. Also possible that he is a bit shite and just happens to be left footed.

8 Shaun Right-Phillips? - Was sold to Chel$ki Abramograd F.C. for £21 million, then bought back for 50p when it was discovered he isn't very good.

7 Kaka - Never Mind.

33 Vincent Kompany - The next Franz Beckenbauer, FM says so.

34 Nigel de Jong - Possibly the most expensive player with 6 months left on his contract ever.

So-Called "Attackers" (meant to score goals)[edit]

32 Carlos 'World's ugliest man' Tevez - Didn't join Liverpool as they were rivals to Manchester Red Sox Ltd. so joined Citeh instead.

10 Robinho - best player in the world......NOT!

25 Emmanuel Ade'bye'or - Legend has it this man once scored a goal, only the dragon at the top of Mount Kas'hanur knows the true story

27 Benjani - Joined You Tube FC on 5 February 2008. Could have joined earlier if he didn't fall asleep.

14 Rocky Santa-Clause - Somehow one of the most sought after strikers in the Premiership. No one has yet worked out why.

39 Craig 'Cuntface' Bellamy - He is actually in jail for assault, which is why no one has witnessed him play for Madchester FC.

Subs[edit]

31 Noel Gallagher - Mid-tempo-fielder. Wheeled out typically during a mid-December 0-0 with Newcastle to attempt to stir the City fans into life. Has got into a fight with both of them. The inventor of the infamous sniff-the-white-lines celebration, made famous by a cunt from Liverpool.

32 Liam Gallagher - Attacker. Record for staying on the pitch before being shown the red: 34 seconds. He reached 31 during the recent exchange with West Ham which left only 15 people dead, so signs are encouraging. Has special dispensation from the FA to take to the field in an overcoat and sunglasses.

33 Frank Gallagher - Got a spare tenner on ya since I'm off to the Jockey.

17 Sun Jihai - Obligatory Asian guy.

12 Nicky Weaver - Poor facial hair.

1 Andreas Isaksson - Obligatory Swedish guy.

20 Georgios Samaras - Feed the greek and he'll score every 17th game.

5 Ousmane Dabo - Useless. Bald. French.

69 - Sven. quality

75 - Dot Cotten

99 Saddam Hussein - Currently injured with a "broken neck". and radio active poisoning.


Massive club?[edit]

It has become a long-standing tradition for new signings to play along with the charade that Madchester Oasis is a "massive club". This is, of course, nonsense. It is thought that most of Oasis's foreign signings are unaware that there are two teams in Madchester and wrongly believe they are signing for a different team altogether.

In March 5, 2007, the club's trophy room was broken into by an unknown intruder and the entire content in this room was stolen. This case still remains a mystery, and the police has since been searching for a man with a pale blue carpet.


Honours[edit]

Nope, you've beat me.

Richness[edit]

Too Much for my Liking. If i had that kind of money, i know what i would do, i'd build a giant robotic space lion. Who Wouldnt? With this money they tried to sign quaka for £3 Trillion, but they failed because he realised that although they offered money...they are incredibly shit. But hey, who gives a fuck, I'm RICH! They also signed Robbin-ho's for £30 Million but they realised that he is also extremely shit.


The FA Premier League
FA Premier League.png

Glory Hunters
Chel$ki Abramograd F.C. | Manchester Red Sox Ltd.

Slightly shittier teams that finish 3rd and 4th
Mickey Mousers Soccer Franchise Ltd. | Arse-anal

The Rest
Aston Villa | Tottenham Jooscum F.C. | Madchester Oasis F.C. |
Wet Spam G.S.E. | Harrods Cottagers F.C. | Greys Athletic | Long Ball-ton Wanderers | Neverton | Sunderland AFC | Pompeii

FA Premier League.png