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Note: This page contains outdated information, and is in need of expansion. You can help (as long as you're NOT affliated with MK Ultra or the Pelzer Finders.)

“The Internet [...] is a series of LifeInATents and corporations”

“It's OURS now! YouTube keeps billions of dollars flowing to our HQ every year, so we just can't shut it down!”

A few bad actors somewhere in Vietnam are uploading bad content to our kids app every now and then... so we'll hire a massive reviewing army of at least 10,000 blue collar workers to control our global service.”

(SPOILER ALERT: There's literally MILLIONS, if not Billions of these "bad actors" worldwide. This includes infinite robotic accounts and cloned channels.

For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about YouTube.

YouTube is a free, worldwide hyper centralized social media powered file hosting service operated by blue collar debt slaves in San Bruno, California.

It is owned and operated by the evil, greedy and money-hungry communist, globalist, corporatist nazis which are Google, all of its workers and staff, Alphabet and its massive hoardes of Flat Design proponents, Instagram whores, and Pokemon-loving weeaboo assholes that are so dumb, they make Barney the Dinosaur look like Bill Gates.

It proudly boasts about being the world's most utilized website after the Communist Google search engine, having millions-to-billions of wealthy, narcissistic, or otherwise mentally deficient celebrities, Flat Design artists, Deviantart cunts, FortNite players and Kardashians.

These Hollywood dumbshits almost all get physically fucked by the YouTube Staff ZERO times in their short, miserable Hollywood lives. However, as the staff continues to police all its massive, open platforms (from YouTube Music to YouTube Kids), more users than ever are being blasted off its wild services, which is both a good and bad thing.

FUN FACT: Wow! Over 400 hours of videos are uploaded to YouTube every 60 seconds! That must be easy for the staff to manage, in case anything slips through the cracks... And did you know that at least 10,000 YEARS of content gets uploaded to YouTube every DAY?

It is also a non-pornographic rip-off of the popular "porn" site Xtube, which broadcasts similar, but porn free, videos, and not "ourselves" as the site's slogan promises. Founded in February 2005 by three employees of Pizzagate, the service mutilated Adobe Flash technology in such a way that to this day it displays infinite shock-and-arouse videos and, more often than not, stupidity from weeaboos, dumbfuck celebrities and vloggers all over the world.

The site claims to have a wide variety of content, including extreme right wing conspiracy theories (mostly by Alex Jones), copyrighted logos and openings, ElsaGate cartoons, video game videos, hacking tutorials, anime remixes of mainstream music videos, Tide Pod challenges, gangsters, narcissism-infested internet celebrities and Japanese Style American cartoons that suck. Despite the overall crappiness of the average YouTube video, YouTube is well-known by critics of cinema for being home to THE best bootleg cartoons ever, such as Finger family, Kinder Surprise Eggs, Bad Babies, Wrong Heads, Spider Man and Elsa, Bootleg Peppa Pig, and so much more.

There's also pirated clips from good movies and documentaries that are not shown on television (also known as the anti-YouTube). This usually is comprised of conservative bullshit like Indoctrination, End Game, 19 Neurons and Counting, and etc. Alex Jones is also fond of these documentaries, and he enjoys comsuming pork and shellfish while viewing and mass-debating to them.

YouTube and its herd of mentally deficient Staff Members are also highly responsible for creating the EXTREMELY controversial digital atrocity known as YouTube Kids, which to this day remains on-market despite being extremely controversial for hosting an infinite supply of ElsaGate. (see "ElsaGate" for more information on that matter.)


Early years[edit]

YouTube is home to such original content. And with over 1 billion users worldwide, who needs actual site policies?

As mentioned before, YouTube was founded in February 2005 by three employees of PayPal, who were probably in cahoots with Osama Bin Laden and The Barney Bunch to create a site that would act as an archival for communist wankers to showcase anti-American videos and terrorist propaganda. However, Osama's disappearance, coupled with the posting of footage of a Basque separatist being hit in the groin with a football, led to a revolution in how the site was used. Osama's and Drew Pickle's original idea for the site is now used on BitChute and Infowars.

“They said I couldn't witness the death of Hussein...then I met YouTube”

~ George Bush on how YouTube has helped in the past

The first video posted on YouTube that wasn't a clip from Family Guy, Sesame Street YTPs or of someone's pathetic dancing was Birth of a Nation, which was posted on November 30, 2005. This clip featured innovations such as [[[deep focus]], the jump-cut, and facial close-ups, all of which had previously been lacking from YouTube's original creations.

On the other hand, this clip was criticized for being horribly racist, although many critics note that this was the prevailing attitude of the times. This was hugely influential on subsequent videos for its technical innovations, if not for its racism (although it did foreshadow the Censored Eleven and the Michael Richards race rant.) Meanwhile, literally tens of people were joining the online extravaganza. These users quickly got to work mimicing others and proving that they had absolutely no life.

More Ancient YT Shitstory[edit]

YouTube also manages its vocabulary and layout as not to offend anyone.

Despite this sudden surge of activity, YouTube began to slowly slip into unexpected bankruptcy. This was made even worse when Viacom, a premier douchebag company, attempted to sue YouTube for one billion dollars (presumably because of the crappiness of its videos). Upon discovering that YouTube was at its weakest, Google decided to buy the company for 900 euros ($1.65 billion USD). By merging YouTube and Google Video™, the damages caused by copyright violation were expected to double. Nevertheless, YouTubem under its new rule, decided to attempt to stamp out copyright, a feat achieved by no one, in the context of YouTube. Despite its video deletion rate of 7 videos per second, an astonishing 99.93% of the (roughly) trillion videos on YouTube remain unwatched, as 99.93% of those are just out-of-sync copies of rips of copies of rips. A vast majority of users choose only to watch fat kids lip synch to Eastern European pop songs. Pokemon movies are also very popular, especially self proclaimed "crappy" fan-made ones.


YouTube's new design. Spot the video!

YouTube, as any website, sees its design as a crucial point. The original design, based on 30's Nazi propaganda, had the video located squarely in the middle of the page, with a useful bar underneath to show when it would end. The YouTube logo, also fashioned after the Nazis, was in the top-left corner, and the description of the video, as well as related videos, were on the right side, the side usually used as advert space on other sites and hence the most comprehensive choice. Underneath the video was the dreaded "fire pit" as administators called it, a section devoted entirely to listing disturbing comments supposed to but not usually about the video. Although this feature as a whole has been hated by many, the idea of keeping it tucked under the realms of visibility has been applauded.

However, on March 31st 2010, YouTube forced a video page redesign on its users. The site's designers said it was to reduce page clutter and make the site easier to use. This was achieved by removing the original star rating system, removing profile pictures from the video page and re-encoding all videos to a new glossy grayscale format "remeniscent of better times". Several users soon noticed that, somehow, some of these changes did not make use easier. But they since have noticed that many of the changes saved money that would otherwise be spent on bandwidth, shortly before being assasinated by Google officials. This, combined with the sheer number of ads that have been appearing, leads many to suspect that the people running YouTube are just a bunch of cheapskate hacks. Despite massive protesting (and the obvious solution of getting a PayPal account to pay money for bandwidth), YouTube has been adamant in keeping the new design.

Uses of YouTube[edit]


Fig. 1

The medium of YouTube has yet to be fully realized, but early signs are promising. Since 2009, some users have begun to use YouTube in ways other than the norm, uploading vides and doing actions with social meaning.These include providing lessons on quantum physics for the general populace through video blogs, trying poorly to end war in the Middle East, teaching lessons on real political science and history, and thumping religion. Far less common but even deeper are such thoughtful acts as declaring 2012 prophecies, making fun of others to increase self confidence (booze can't always do it), aiding in police investigations, softcore pornography and posting cute videos of pets.


However, most of YouTube's traffickers are Internet Celebrities with extremely rudimentary senses of humor and poor senses of vocals. Some of the most popular videos are ridiculous and moronic, such as (in the past) a guy obsessed with seeing a double rainbow, another guy saying "Boom! ...goes the dynamite" only once, a dumbshit World of Warcraft player who messes up his team plan, and a disgruntled tartlet from Germany with intense anger management issues over homework, smut, piracy, you get the picture.

The vast majority of videos were like this and, although appealing strongly to the nerd audience, turn off everyone who has a functioning brain. Another kind of alienating video is the "fake videos of popular wanker anime shows made by poor Japanese minimum wage workers who live on cheeseballs and burritos.

At first it was rather obvious these videos were fakes since a picture of a big purple surfing dinosaur while jamming out to the song "Everytime We Touch" has nothing to do with kids playing ninja. (the Surfing Barney's background music was replaced with open source Finger family music in 2017.)

Unluckily, despite the obviousness of being fake videos, dumbfuck people continue to devour and rate these videos, giving them praise. The only thing more pathetic than wasting every week clipping your stinky toenails to watch a new episode of a predictable cartoon is tricking losers and getting their hopes up.

Nowadays it's much worse. See YouTube Kids and The Pelzer Finders for more information [[censorship|before that fat kid at the top fucking nukes all Elsagate info off this website!]]

See also[edit]