Yu-Gi-Oh! Jee Ex
Yu-Gi-Oh! Jee Ex is now a criminal wanted for shoving too many playing cards down the throats of impressionable children,
The criminal hired a bunch of good-for-nothing teenagers named Jaden Yuki, Alexis Rhodes, Chazz Princeton, and Bastion Misawa to rob the souls of children around the world. By not having a very skimpy, silly, misleading plot with ample servings of card promotions, card promotions, and more card promotions, Yu-Gi-Oh! GX aims to enslave children to credit cards. First children ask Mommy and Daddy for cards. Then they ask Mommy and Daddy for the Jaden cosplay outfits. Then they ask them for the signed manga books by Naoyuki Kageyama. When the kids tire of Yu-Gi-Oh! GX the Mommy and Daddy will give the kids diamonds, the luxury car, and the golden ferret!
Or let's say Mommy and Daddy believe in Maddox-style discipline and forbid the kids to have anything GX related. When they see their good friend Billy or that cool popular person Kate have GX everything the kids will ask the mafia, the cholos, and Ronald McDonald to assassinate their parents so they can get GX everything! Then the kids will be adopted by Beavis and Butthead where they can swim in useless trading cards every day!
Yu-Gi-Oh! Jee Ex is still running amok as of 2047, and currently has 2.5 Seasons in America from 4Kids, 3 Seasons in Japan, 3.14159 Seasons in France, and .5 seasons in most third-world countries.
TV show plot
Altough Wilbur declines it, scholars believe that Yu-Gi-Oh Jee Ex and its story are based off of an actual manuscript of the French Revolution. This manuscript was read to prisoners before the invention of the guillotine.
The first season differs from nation to nation. In Islamic theocracies, for example, Jee Ex teaches the "fun-damentals" of Islamic Fundamentalism. Unfortunately, "infidels" stand in the way, and will not be defeated unless they lose at Duel Monsters. Each country has its own variation of Jee Ex, but America, Japan, and France all share the same first season. This first season introduces characters, but contains no real plot whatsoever, except for uncovering secret marijuana-coated cards under a school.
American and Japanese version of the first season
In the American and Japanese versions of the series. Jaden Yuki (Jew-die You Key), the biggest loser in the world and a Japanese boy living in the United States, graduates from beautiful Berendo Middle School in Los Angeles, California with straight Fs. Yes, that school graduates kids with F grade averages. Anyhow Jaden somehow manages to get into Duel Academy because that school has the lowest admission standards ever! The fucktardedness of the administration is proven when it segregates kids by how well they do, by providing Jakarta-like slum housing for the kids who suck at exams and suck at life. Slime oozes out of the showers, the beds are made of concrete, and the food is worse than prisoner food and cafeteria food. On the other hand those Obelisk Blue rich boys dine on caviar, take jacuzzis, and have fully-stocked harems filled with men and women from Thailand, Cambodia, Indonesia, and the Philippines. The Obelisk Blue kids particularly love the Thai prostitutes as many are chicks with dicks. The Ra Yellow kids live like average Anytown, USA college students with nothing out of the ordinary. They become bored and contemplate suicide.
With obvious class differences Jaden realizes that Communism is the answer for Duel Academy. Jaden, who wants to make the bestest revolution since the French Revolution and the Russian Revolution, grows a Joseph Stalin moustache and advocates for a proletariat revolution. The only Obelisk Blue person he wants to keep in the school is Alexis Rhodes, because she is an oh-so-hot Japanese woman who has a Western name for some reason (then again all of the Japanese in the English Yu-Gi-Oh! GX have Western names). The rest of those snotty brats will be gutted and have their intestines hung at Teutoberger Wald, if Jaden has his way.
Seasons 2 and 3
Season 2 is entirely designed to celebrate Duel Monsters French heritage as Jaden kills Obelisk Blue kids and rips out Vellian Crowler's lips. Napoleon Bonaparte, Jaden's revolutionary ally, is introduced as a character, although he is called "John" in the 4Kids version (along with Jimmy, Jack, Cracker-Jack, and Betty, who are Jaden's brainless revolutionary soldiers). Season 3 is still running to this day, and miraculously exhibits Perpetual Motion (well, except for when The Colbert Report is on).
The English version of the manga has lots of Japanese with English names. Albiet the original characters of the manga are lucky and keep their Japanese names. It turns out that they conspire with 4Kids to continue their slow overthrow of Robert Mugabe in Zimbabwe and are rewarded by not getting the Ellis Island treatment!
- Jaden Yuki - Some shrimpy teenage kid who thinks that he can duel even though he doesn't even fucking try on exams. What kind of exams does Duel Academy proctor when they have absolutely NOTHING to do with being a good duelist? Jaden is the natural hero so he will always be good at everything he does. News to you 7-year olds, life doesn't work that way. When you think about it Jaden does not give a shit when he fails exams while a real 15-year old is either crying or is an idiot (by not crying) when he fails an important exam. Doesn't that make you wanna punch Jaden in the face? Fortunately he pops open one of Lenin's books and realizes that he is not in the world to be a stupid little brat, so he finally leads a worldwide Revolution that will make everyone proud to be from the neo-Soviet Union!
- Syrus Truesdale - Does this kid even try at anything? He is worse in exams than Jaden, but how could someone score so low without *trying*? If there is an exam and one has to study for it, one better study for it? He has a habit of calling Jaden "Bro" in the manga, somehow thinking that he can call a friend a brother.
- Alexis Rhodes - A lady with a nice rack, Alexis is so focused on dueling that she forgets that very few people could duel as a career. She often spends her time trying to find ways to murder her brother, Atticus Rhodes, who seems to want to literally turn Alexis into the next Brittney Spears, complete with marital woes and crippling insanity.
- Chazz Princeton - Chazz (It seems like his mother and father could not pick very good names) is the third son after Slade and Jagger. Instead of cheating the Japanese tax authorities and the IRS like his brothers, he decides to get arrogant and angry at Jaden for petty slights.
- Bastion Misawa - The good kid from the suburbs who became introduced to the "in crowd" upon entering Duel Academy. He began to sniff glue, sell his body, and cheat on tests. Bastion thinks he can calculate any duel while he holds an F average in Math for Liberal Arts, the easiest high school mathematics class evar.
- Vellian Crowler - Dr. Crowler is a homosexual Italian man who wears purple lipstick and cries "Mamma Mia!" He hates Jaden and co. for no reason by day and has hot sex with the Lemonparty men and Goa Tse, his Chinese philosopher lover, at night.
- Lyman Banner - The son of a cat and a human, he always craps in litter boxes and scratches Jaden and Alexis with his E coli-infested claws, giving the two infections every time. For some odd reason he managed to become a teacher at Duel Academy.
- Fonda Fontaine - The gym teacher always lures impressionable young high school boys into the Gym offices with the promise of candy, dueling cards, video games, and higher grades. For some reason Sheppard knows this and encourages this. That way, everyone wins. Fontaine is happy, Sheppard is happy, and the boys are very much happy.
- Seto Kaiba - The founder of the school, his parents gave him brain surgery when he was young so that he would always look angry, defiant, or arrogant. He has to be Chazz's illegitimate father as Chazz has the same attitudes.
- Jean Louis Bonaparte - A turncoat school administrator, he shares Jaden's radical Communist ideas, so he puts poison in Crowler's water to make him unable to control his bowels. Then he proceeds to begin trapping and executing snotty Obelisk Blue kids and mailing their heads to their parents in their swanky Tokyo loft apartments and their massive suburban mansions.
- Yugi Mutou - One look at Jaden and he *knows* Jaden is the true successor to him, just because Jaden looks like the obligatory boys' anime hero! On the other hand, manga!Jaden gets his Kuriboh card from a terminal cancer patient, so he is jealous of anime!Jaden.
|This article is part of the Wonderful Japan series|
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