Zachary Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzra

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“Only beat by his sister Zzyzynne

~ Whitney Zzyzynne Houston

Zachary Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzra (1933-2002) was a telephone sanitizer of Western California, who became world-famous for his pathological love affair with the letter "Z".

Generic impoverished childhood[edit]

Zachary was born to Melvin and Mabel Zra during the depths of the Great Recession. Since the harsh economic realities of the time caused a severe shortage of Zs, young Zachary was forced to use "Ra" as his last name whilst growing up, causing him no end of embarrassment. When Zachary finally came of age, he briefly considered changing his name to "Achary Zra" in an attempt to compensate for his generic impoverished childhood, but finally decided that the cure would probably be worse than the disease.


In 1977, after many years of ceaseless and grueling labor as a phone directory alphabetizer, young Zachary finally had enough money to purchase his first extraneous Z. He proudly sewed his hard-won possession onto his favorite varsity sweater and toured the West Coast of California under the stage name of "Zzachary Ra", and would often open for Zorro the Zorro Impersonator (who was a well-known Zorro impersonator in those times). Unfortunately, Zorro the Zorro Impersonator became insanely jealous of Zzachary's flamboyant charisma with the unwashed masses, so he attempted to murder Zzachary with his automatic monogram machine. As luck would have it, the attempt on Zzachary's life failed abysmally, otherwise this Uncyclopedia article would be too short.

Last-name enlargement[edit]

Zzachary, shaken by his recent experiences, decided to legally change his name back to "Zachary Zra" and went into public hiding. Using the enormous proceeds scrupulously saved from his stage act, he successfully cornered the lucrative Z market and started down a hellish pathway of indulgent and highly-addictive last-name enlargement. Within a few short years, Zachary Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzra was consuming Zs as if they were cheap candy, and often collapsed into uncontrolled bouts of narcolepsy as a result.

Horrific demise[edit]

In 2002, Zachary Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzra was unexpectedly killed and eaten by a pack of enraged zebras whilst on a zebra-hunting tour of Central Africa. His gargantuan last name was surgically extracted from what was left of his body, packed in ice, airlifted to the Guinness Laboratory of Records for intensive scientifical research, and later donated to PBS to help aid chronically underfunded educational programs such as Sesame Street and Louis Rukeyser's Wall $treet Week.